2020 Democratic Debate - SNL - YouTube

>>> AND NOW MSNBC'S SPECIAL COVERAGE OF THE DEMOCRATIC

DEBATE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> HELLO. I AM RACHEL MADDOW AND WE ARE

LIVE FROM TYLER PERRY STUDIOS IN ATLANTA.

SO HELLO AND GOOD AFTERNOON. I WANT TO START THE DEBATE WITH

THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND -- WHO CAN BEAT DONALD

TRUMP? >> --- ME, ME, ME.

MY HAND -- MY HAND WENT UP FIRST.

>> THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, BUT GO AHEAD.

>> RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. LOOK, I KNOW IN PAST DEBATES

I'VE BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING OVERAMBITIOUS, RIGHT?

I'VE GOT MOM HOSTING THANKSGIVING ENERGY.

I'M A LITTLE OVERWHELMED 'CAUSE I THOUGHT TEN PEOPLE WERE COMING

AND NOW THERE'S 30 MILLION. BUT I PROMISE DINNER WILL BE

READY IF YOU JUST GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND STOP ASKING

QUESTIONS. AND OF COURSE, THIS THANKSGIVING

I WILL BE COOKING MY SPECIALTY. MAYBE DON'T SAY IT.

THE FOOD OF MY ANCESTORS. >> I'M GOING TO SAY IT -- MAIZE.

>> OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE, LIZ. [ APPLAUSE ]

>> SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD TONIGHT, SENATOR HARRIS.

>> OH, I AM. I AM.

THE FUN IS BACK, BABY. AMERICA'S FUN AUNT.

I'M ALSO AMERICA'S COOL AUNT. THE C -- YOU KNOW, LET'S NOT DO

THAT. I'M NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THE

POLLING NUMBERS. I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN AND SEE

IF I CAN GET SOME VIRAL MOMENTS. MAMA NEEDS A "GIF."

GONNA TELL MY KIDS THIS IS MICHELLE OBAMA.

♪♪♪ >> MAYOR PETE, YOU'RE LOOKING

ADORABLE TONIGHT IN YOUR LITTLE SUIT.

>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

IT'S FROM MY FIRST COMMUNION. >> YOU'RE POLLING AT ZERO WITH

BLACK VOTERS. ANY IDEA WHY?

>> MAYBE JUST BECAUSE OF, LIKE, THIS.

>> SENATOR SANDERS, YOU'RE LOOKING --

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I WANT TO BEGIN BY THANKING YOU ALL FOR THE WELL WISHES.

I DID HAVE A HEART ATTACK-ACK-ACK-ACK.

SO, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW BY NOW I'M DOING BETTER THAN EVER.

DOCTORS WERE SURPRISED I MADE IT.

AND I'M VERY PROUD OF THE FACT THAT I WAS THE FIRST HEART

ATTACK PATIENT TO SHOW UP TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM IN A CITY BUS.

>> LET'S GO NOW TO SENATOR KLOBUCHAR.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, RACHEL.

I KNOW SOME OF YOU THINK I'M SHAKING BECAUSE I'M NERVOUS, BUT

THAT'S JUST MY SIGNATURE QUIVERING BANG.

IT'S MY SPIDEY SENSE THAT TINGLES WHENEVER WE NEED A

MODERATE TO SAY, "GIRL, WE CAN'T PAY FOR THAT."

>> VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, YOU'RE FLASHING YOUR TEETH AT ME?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW

AMERICA, I SEE YOU. AND I SEE THE FACES YOU ALL MAKE

WHEN I TALK. YOU'RE SCARED.

[ LAUGHTER ] SCARED I'LL SAY SOMETHING

OFF-COLOR OR EVEN WORSE -- ON COLOR.

WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW IS YOU SHOULD BE SCARED BECAUSE I'M

ALWAYS ONE SECOND AWAY FROM CALLING CORY BOOKER "BARACK."

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.

I'D LIKE TO RESPOND, BUT FIRST BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY

TIME I'LL BE TALKING I JUST WANT TO SAY BLACK CHURCH, BARBER

SHOPS, GREENS, BEANS, TOMATOES, POTATOES.

NOW TO VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, I WAS STUNNED TO HEAR YOU DON'T

SUPPORT THE LEGALIZATION OF MARIJUANA.

IN FACT, REHEARSED JOKE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIGH WHEN YOU

SAID IT. >> LET ME TELL YOU A STORY FROM

MY YOUTH, OR MAYBE FROM A MOVIE OR A CARTOON.

I WAS WITH A BUDDY OF MINE WHO GOT SO WHACKED ON THE STICKY

ICKY KUSH HE SAYS, "I'VE A GREAT IDEA.

WE OUGHT TO GO TO WHITE CASTLE." NEXT THING YOU KNOW, KUMAR AND I

ARE DRIVING AROUND HIGH AS KITES WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS AND

THAT'S BEFORE HE WAS GAY. THAT'S WHY I NEVER PUFFED THE

STUFF. >> WE ALSO WANT TO WELCOME

ANDREW YANG WHO I CAN TELL IS ALREADY MAD HE HASN'T TALKED

YET. >> NO, NOT AT ALL.

IT'S ME ANDREW YANG. I WANT TO SAY

WHAT UP TO MY YANG GANG? HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET A

YANG GANG BANG GOING, HUH? I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO ANNOUNCE MY VP, THE NEW TESLA CYBER TRUCK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WE ALSO WANT TO WELCOME TOM

STEYER. >> HI, GUYS.

I'M BILLIONAIRE TOM STEYER. AND I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

FOR A SIMPLE REASON -- IT'S FUN. AND IT GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

>> I'M SORRY, MR STEYER. MY PRODUCERS ARE TELLING ME YOU

HAVE TO BLINK. >> I HAVE TO DO WHAT?

>> BLINK. YOU HAVE TO BLINK AT SOME POINT.

>> OH, NO, I DO NOT. AND I WILL NOT.

>> DID SOMEBODY SAY BILLIONAIRE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> NO. MAYOR BLOOMBERG, HOW DID YOU GET

IN HERE? >> WELL, I TIPPED THE DOORMAN

$30 MILLION. >> DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE

OFFICIALLY RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

>> I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

MAYBE NOT. I'D BE HARD TO BEAT.

I'D LOVE TO SEE TRUMP SUPPORTERS COME UP WITH A CONSPIRACY THEORY

ABOUT A JEWISH BILLIONAIRE WITH HIS OWN MEDIA COMPANY.

GOOD LUCK MAKING THAT STICK. >> AND LET'S INTRODUCE UNDERDOG

CANDIDATE AND TONIGHT'S VILLAIN, TULSI GABBARD.

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ] >> THANK YOU, RACHEL.

WHAT AN HONOR TO BE ON THIS STAGE WITH MY FELLOW CANDIDATES.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I SMELL YOUR FEAR AND IT MAKES ME

STRONGER. I'M WEARING THE WHITE SUIT OF

YOUR FALLEN HERO, HILLARY CLINTON.

NOW FIGHT ME, COWARDS. >> SENATOR HARRIS, WOULD YOU

LIKE TO RESPOND? >> TULSI, I'M GOING TO BE REAL

WITH YOU. YOU SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME.

YOU JUST GAVE ME ERMAHGERD, GERSBERMPS.

>> OUR NEXT QUESTION IS FOR SENATOR KLOBUCHAR.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THE FUNDING TO STAY IN THIS RACE?

>> I KNOW I CAN. I'VE GOT $17,000 FROM

EX-BOYFRIENDS. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS THREATEN TO

COME BACK IN THEIR LIVES. >> OKAY.

THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S NEXT TOPIC WHICH IS HEALTH CARE.

[ BUZZER ] >> OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT BUZZERS, BUT BERNIE RANG IN

FIRST. >> HERE'S MY PLAN FOR HEALTH

CARE. NO CO-PAY.

NO OUT OF POCKET. THE ONLY THING THAT COMES OUT OF

MY POCKETS ARE TISSUES, RECEIPTS, LOOSE COUGH DROPS, A

MOVIE STUB FOR "FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS" WHICH IS SO-SO.

AND OF COURSE, THE LITTLE BUTTON IN THE BAGGIE THAT COMES WITH

THE PANTS. MOST PEOPLE THROW IT OUT.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. HOLD ONTO IT.

YOU NEVER KNOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> MR. STEYER, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

>> I WANT TO SPEAK DIRECTLY TO YOU, AMERICA.

HEALTH CARE IS IMPORTANT. BUT HOUSING AFFECTS

EVERYTHING -- WHERE YOU SLEEP, WHERE YOU SHOP, WHERE YOU GET

YOUR SHOES SHINED, WHERE YOU BUY JEWELS, WHERE YOU RAISE

PEACOCKS. AM I RELATABLE?

>> MR. STEYER, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO TAKE A STEP BACK.

>> SORRY. AM I TOO CLOSE?

>> DID SOMEBODY SAY TOO CLOSE? BROTHER, LIKE YOUR STYLE.

LOOK, I'M SUPPORTED BY THAT SAME COALITION THAT ELECTED OBAMA.

BLAFRICAN AMERICANS. EVEN THE MEXITINOS, AND THE

CHORIENTALS. HECK, THE ONLY BLACK WOMAN EVER

ELECTED TO THE SENATE ENDORSED ME.

>> EXCUSE ME? NO, NO, JOE.

THERE HAVE BEEN TWO BLACK WOMEN ELECTED TO THE SENATE AND THAT

SECOND BLACK WOMAN -- IT ME. ♪♪♪

>> IS THERE STILL TIME FOR ME TO COME IN LATE AND RUIN

EVERYTHING? >> NO.

WE HAVE TO MOVE ON TO CLOSING STATEMENTS.

>> WAIT, I NEED TO QUICKLY THROW IN SOME SPANISH, BECAUSE

MIGUEL BLOOMBERG IS EN FUEGO. >> OKAY.

THAT COUNTS AS GOOD-BYE FOR YOU. WE'LL NOW MOVE ON TO

MAYOR BUTTIGIEG. >> AMERICA, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS

BECAUSE MY SUPPORTERS ARE A DIVERSE COALITION FROM YOUNG TO

OLD, GAY TO STRAIGHT, WHITE TO EGGSHELL.

THANK YOU. >> TULSI GABBARD, TIME FOR YOUR

CLOSING STATEMENT. >> I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THOSE

DALMATIAN PUPPIES. [ EVIL LAUGH ]

I YIELD MY TIME. >> SENATOR KLOBUCHAR?

>> LOOK, I COULD SAY A LOT ABOUT THE ISSUES WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT

TONIGHT, BUT THE SAD THING IS YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO A WORD

I'M SAYING BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST WATCHING MY HAIR DANCE ON MY

FOREHEAD. EXCUSE ME, MY EYES ARE DOWN

HERE, NOT UP HERE. >> SENATOR WARREN THAT BRINGS US

TO YOU. >> HEY, HEY, IT'S NOVEMBER AND

IT'S CUSSING SEASON. YOU'RE SINGLE IN YOUR LATE 30s

AND I'M A SOLID OPTION. IF IT'S MARRY, "F," KILL I'M

AWARE I'M NOT THE "F," BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT THE KILL.

SO COME ON, AMERICA, PUT A RING ON IT.

>> SENATOR SANDERS? >> AS A LOT OF YOU KNOW, A LOT

OF MY OPPONENTS LIKE TO THROW THE WORD "SOCIALIST" AROUND FOR

ME. BUT LET ME ASK YOU, IS IT FAIR

THAT ONLY THE TOP 2% OFTEN GET A FREE BISCOTTI WITH THEIR COFFEE?

WE WOULD ALL LOVE A FREE BISCOTTI.

YOU DIP IT. YOU DUNK IT.

IT'S DELICIOUS. SO, IF THAT'S SOCIALISM, SIGN ME

UP. TELL ME THIS.

IS IT FAIR THAT WHEN THE TOP 2% WANT TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS IN

THEIR BEDROOM ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS CLAP?

THEY'VE GOT THE CLAPPER. SHOULDN'T WE ALL HAVE CLAPPERS?

EITHER EVERYBODY HAS A CLAPPER OR NOBODY HAS A CLAPPER, AND

THAT'S THE AMERICA I WANT TO LIVE IN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN?

>> THE HEARINGS HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T

WANT ME TO BE THE NOMINEE. VLADIMIR PUTIN DOESN'T WANT ME

TO BE THE NOMINEE. NOBODY IN AMERICA WANTS ME TO BE

THE NOMINEE. BUT I AM CONFIDENT I CAN WIN THE

ELECTION IN 2016. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> AND SENATOR HARRIS, YOUR CLOSING STATEMENT?

>> THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS TO STOP TAKING BLACK WOMEN FOR

GRANTED, SPECIFICALLY ONE BLACK WOMAN -- ME.

I MEAN, COME ON. YOU SAID YOU WOULD VOTE FOR ME.

♪♪♪ >> WELL, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE

HAVE. TOM, TAKE US OUT.

>> GOOD GAME, GOOD GAME. GOOD GAME, GOOD GAME.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]