Papy Grenier - RollerCoaster Tycoon - YouTube

And now let’s follow another one of Grandpa Attic’s stories.

— Grandpa Attic! — Grandpa! Grandpa!

Peekaboo, Grandpa!

Children!

I was in a… wonderful world.

— Grampa, will you tell us a story? — Yes, a story.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was a coffee–table driver?

Oh dear, I think I haven’t quite recovered yet.

Did I ever tell you about the time I ran an amusement park?

It was in 2004.

Disneyland Paris wasn’t a libertine nightclub yet.

My only goal in life was to see joy on children’s faces.

Nah, it was money.

— And I had called my park… — “Fistiland”!

— SHAREHOLDER REPRESENTATIVE — “Festyland” was taken, so…

“Fistiland” looks almost like it.

Yeah, almost!

All right, we’ll call it “Park At Your Own Risk.”

We had 27 deaths in my old park. Might as well laugh about it.

OK, OK, listen, we’ll call it “The Kidz Krazy Kingdom.”

“Fistiland” it is.

We didn’t start out with much. At first, we had a road.

But people liked it, as it was always well–attended,

but soon, that wasn’t enough anymore,

so I gave it some thought. I knew just what my park was missing.

— Attractions? — Stores!

That was it!

The nice thing was that I could set my own prices…

— …and change them at any time. — A Coke, please.

— That’ll be two dollars. — Thanks, bye!

Hello, I’d like a Coke with a straw, please.

— 75 dollars. — But people still weren’t happy.

They had a road and hamburgers! What more did they want?

— Attractions? — A mascot!

So I quickly started hiring staff.

As the boss, I could give them any name I wanted.

Hello, my name’s Michel. It’s a pleasure working with you.

Asshole. Your name is Asshole now. Meet your coworkers.

These are My Balls and My Ass.

What’s up, Asshole?

But no, nothing doing. Nothing worked.

— I was getting desperate. — Sir, I resign.

— Attractions! Zounds, that’s it! — If I wanted people’s money…

— …they had to have fun. — Naruto, you’re a genius!

Stop calling me that! My name is Son Goku!

And so we built our first ride.

I call it “Big Thunder Mountain Metal Firing Rats.”

It’s popular with young people.

— Exciting, isn’t it? — Well, it’s kind of… lifeless.

No problem, I can change the music.

And how long does this last?

I don’t know. I never stayed till the end.

Hi, it’s me: Fisti! Come have fun with me at Fistiland!

Come have a blast with our great attractions:

the path, the Ferris wheel,

our shell–shaped garbage can, and our great zoo!

So what are you waiting for?

Fistiland! Reach deep inside the fun!

— Is this the end of the story? — No!

Not at all, on the contrary! This is where things get… interesting.

Turn the light back on, idiot! We can’t see!

The park was open.

Those repulsive masses of people milling about…

Look at them, with their pockets still full of money!

My money! My precious money!

The park needed to be more profitable.

We began with balloon shops. People bought balloons.

It was great, but once they had one,

they didn’t buy more, so I had an idea.

The concession stands could be optimized as well.

I controlled price and preparation.

Salt the fries as much as possible to make people thirsty.

And a bag of fries. 2,700 dollars.

Put as much ice as possible in the drinks to save soda.

— For pity’s sake, I’m going to die! — Here you go!

Put grease on the burgers. More sugar in the ice cream!

Sir, people are going to be sick.

— Grandpa, that’s horrible! — No, it’s okay.

— We had an infirmary. — I’m sorry, ma’am.

Your six–year–old has diabetes and high cholesterol.

Oh no, my son! It was his birthday,

and all he could afford was this balloon.

That’s capitalism, bitch!

Money! More money!

First of all, I got rid of My Balls and My Ass.

But sir, that’s dangerous. Who will fix the attractions?

Who cares? Look at them! They’re happy no matter what we do!

Look, I sabotage rides every Tuesday morning,

yet I’ve been running this park for 15 years!

This path is so clean!

What do you think of my new ride, the Neck Breaker?

From 200 to 1 mph in one second. And I even hand out…

…nice and greasy burgers at the entrance! Am I not nice?

Look how happy they are!

Sir, I don’t think that’s the right solution.

Money, money! How I love money!

I’m sure we can save even more.

The zoo is expensive. Put all animals in one cage.

— Why do I have to do everything? — Mommy?

Sir, the SPCA just called. The cages are too small.

No, I’m sure they’re exaggerating.

All right, set them free.

Owning a park doesn’t give you the right to kill.

— I’m rich! I do what I want! — Okay.

Buy my balloons or croak!

The Secretary–General of the United Nations is on the phone.

Tell him to go fuck himself!

Buy! Your money is mine!

The engine exploded.

— Who was supposed to fix this crap? — My Ass was, sir.

Clever girl.

— How did it end, Grandpa? — As it always does in these cases.

Honey? Yes, hello, it’s me.

I’ll be be a little late for dinner. Another business went bankrupt.

What a terrible day!

I don’t know, 200, 300 employees?

After all, who cares?

What are we having tonight?

My favorite!

That’s not a story, it’s a video game!

Yeah, I guess. Here, have a big bag of salt.

— Do you want grease on your salt? — Will you tell us another story?

Sure, but that will have to wait until next time.

GRANDPA ATTIC

— THANKS TO CALIBRE 6 — SOUND: NICO