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When The Debt Collector Comes Knocking | Shayne Smith | Dry Bar Comedy - YouTube
Channel: Dry Bar Comedy
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I talk bags I have no right to talk bad
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about my mom though
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beyond sneezing on a baby I'm like
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really bad at everything Irie side on't
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even know how debt works I recently
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found that out when my dentist sent me
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to collections yeah my dentist sent me
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to collections the collection agency
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calls my phone I answer cuz I don't know
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who it is and they're like hey we're
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trying to collect a debt give us the
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money and I was like ah no you know no
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I'm just not going to and he's like what
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and I was like what are the consequences
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if I don't give you money and he was
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like we're gonna make your credit bad
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and I was like not possible yeah my
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credits already really bad my credit
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score is so bad it also has face tattoos
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do you guys it's so bad
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oh it's I've been denied for a Best Buy
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card do you know what that that's I've
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seen a bird accidentally fly into Best
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Buy and leave with a card it's so easy
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to get one when I got denied the guy in
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love in the Best Buy was like I'm so
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sorry this has never happened before
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like he was embarrassed for me you know
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it was so bad it was so bad and so I
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like tried to get a cell phone once and
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they were like it's $1,000 deposit and
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then we'll let you buy a phone I was
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like I will leave here with two tin cans
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in string okay that's so much money I
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don't have that money so now my credits
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really bad it's it's like so I'm not
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worried about it so I'm like would you
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have another thing would tell him a debt
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collector like listen I'm not worried do
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you have another thing and he's like we
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don't have another thing and I was like
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well I'm gonna go ahead and not pay you
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then I'm gonna choose that option and he
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was like this has never happened before
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it's like well you know there's a first
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time for everything so I'm gonna go
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ahead and hang up now and he's like have
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a good day I guess yeah
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we're all very confused it was a lot of
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first times for everyone you know so we
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both hang up the phone I call my dentist
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I'm like hey why'd you send me to
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collections and the front desk lady
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answers it by the way and she's like a
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hundred years old and her name is
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Gertrude because of course you know
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everyone named everyone a hundred years
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or older has a name like Gertrude and
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I'm like why are you even working there
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you've been out of the teeth game
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forever you know she's so rude no one
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feel bad for Gertrude okay she's so rude
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I'm like why did you send me to
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collections why don't you just call me
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and ask me to pay the bill and she's
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like I sent you letters I was like yeah
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and I threw them away like an adult you
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know I'm not reading your letters
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Gertrude I'm not your sweetheart from
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World War two okay no one reads letters
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in 2017 text me anything else you know
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so she's like I don't know what to tell
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you you're already at collections and I
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was like all right well I guess I have
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to find a new dentist that's weird so
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you know that happened so turns out by
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the way collection agencies calling me
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all the time and I'm just like listen do
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you have another thing and they're like
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this is our only thing and I'm like well
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I'm going and I hang up you know it's a
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repeating process well it turns out
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collection agencies do have another
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thing they have one more thing they can
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come pick and send someone to serve you
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papers to take you to small claims court
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to get that money okay but here's the
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thing about serving someone papers to
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serve them papers to bring you to court
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they have to get you to admit you are
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who you are okay
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so it's like 3:00 in the afternoon one
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day and I hear a knock at my door and I
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answer the door and it's this guy
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standing there with a clipboard and he's
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like hey are you Shane Smith and I was
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like no never
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what what's going on and he's like does
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Shane Smith live here and I was like I
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don't know pretty big place never seen
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anyone by that name here you know he was
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like looks like a very small apartment
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actually it's like you're splitting
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hairs right now guy you know what are
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you trying to insult me what's going on
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and that's when I realized he's standing
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there with a clipboard and on that
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clipboard is a my facebook profile
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printed out on it so he's seeing me see
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him looking down at me with my stupid
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tattooed face on the clipboard looking
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right back up at him seeing me see him I
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think I said that right and it's so it's
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so awkward and he's like okay well if
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you're not Shane Smith who are you and
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it's like 3 p.m. I just woken up I'm not
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ready to be someone else you know I just
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said the first name that came to mind I
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was like Bruce Wayne I'm Bruce Wayne he
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was not impressed you know in hindsight
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I could have thought of a better name so
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he's standing there looking very
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defeated and that's when I realized I am
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wearing Batman pajamas yeah not good
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and I was like look like is this your
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only thing and he was like yeah man this
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is my only thing and I was like so I'm
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gonna go now and he was like have a good
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day I guess it's like alright so I'm
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pretty sure that's gonna work itself out
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you know there are no consequences I
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don't know if you guys knew that are no
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consequences to dead like what are they
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gonna do send me to Alcatraz can't
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thank you it's been closed for like 50
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years yes
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