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Your Mortgage Makes You Act Right | Chris Rock: Total Blackout - YouTube
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But you watch the news and it's like,
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"Well, we can't change the gun laws
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because every American has the right
to protect their home."
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Every American has the right
to protect their home.
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That's true, they got that right.
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But you ever notice
that almost all the mass shooters,
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none of them own homes?
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They all live with their fucking mothers.
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No, man. They gotta change the gun laws.
Here's the deal. Here's what I think.
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I think, in order for you to get a gun
in the United States of America,
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you should have to have a mortgage.
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That's right.
That's a background check for your ass.
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Shit, if you got a 739 credit score,
you ain't killing nobody.
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See, the mortgage make you act right.
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How many times
you been ready to quit your job?
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Just ready to quit.
Like, "I can't take this shit."
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"These people don't know how to use me."
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"My skills are going to waste."
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"I'm too smart for these people.
I'm going in there tomorrow,
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and I'mma quit this job."
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And you walk in there,
and you think you gonna quit,
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and you see that boss
and you think, "That fucking mortgage."
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"I'mma be here 30 more years."
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"If I'm lucky."
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Shit, having a mortgage
make you act right.
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How many times you been ready
to smack the shit out of somebody at work?
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Just smack… Yeah, I ain't the only one.
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Just ready to smack the shit, like,
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"I can't believe this motherfucker
think they can talk to me this way."
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"Tomorrow, I'mma smack the shit
out this one."
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You start doing push-ups.
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You dip your hand in lard.
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"I'mma smack him with a crispy hand."
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"I'm gonna have
a layer of crispy on my hand
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when I smack this motherfucker."
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"That's right.
I might Buffalo smack this motherfucker."
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Dip it in some hot sauce, too.
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And right before you could
smack the shit out this motherfucker,
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you run up to him, you're like… "Whoo!"
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"You're lucky I'm trying to re-finance."
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That's right.
Mortgage makes you act right.
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There ain't nothing better
than a good mortgage.
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If you got a good mortgage,
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God has blessed you.
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"What is a good mortgage?" you might ask.
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A mortgage that allows you
to live your life.
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To do things, to go places, to buy shit.
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If you got a mortgage that's like that,
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then your God has shined His light on you.
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But if you got a bad mortgage, whoo…
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Hell hath no fury
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like a bad mortgage.
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"What is a bad mortgage?" you ask.
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Well, a bad mortgage is any mortgage
that doesn't allow you to do anything
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but pay your motherfucking mortgage.
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That is a bad mortgage.
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You can't go nowhere,
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you can't even
come to this motherfucking show.
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You gotta watch Delirious on VCR.
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That's right.
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When you got a bad mortgage, boy,
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you need to get your eyebrows done
one at a time.
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"I'mma get the left done right now,
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and in about three weeks,
I might get the right done."
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"I might."
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"I don't know if I'll have the money."
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"I'm trying to go to Whole Foods later."
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"Shit's expensive."
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That's right.
One of them bad Suge Knight mortgages
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where your house
is just looking at you, like,
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"Where's my money, bitch?"
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"It's death row, motherfucker!"
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That's right. Nothing like a bad mortgage
that you all fucked up.
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That's right.
Where you're like a meth addict.
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And the house is the dealer.
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And you're like, "Please, I'm just trying
to get this basement fixed."
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"I'll do anything. I'll suck your dick."
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