🔍
Chris Tucker Got Bad Tax Advice | Netflix Is A Joke - YouTube
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(audience clapping)
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- I haven't been married
[1]
I'm scared to get married, I'm scared.
[4]
I just made some money
[5]
I ain't trying to lose
this shit right away.
[7]
(audience laughing)
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Marriage sometimes ain't
a good business deal, ooh.
[11]
(audience laughing)
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I'm looking though, I'm looking though,
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but you know, I need a woman
who gonna help me though.
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I don't care nothin about fine.
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You gotta be more than fine,
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you've got to be able to--
(audience cheering)
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that's right.
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You gotta do some other stuff.
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You gotta be able to
fill out a 1099 and shit.
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(crowd laughing)
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That's right.
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You need to help me out
with my taxes this year.
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You gotta have an accounting
degree to be with me.
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Take care of your business, man.
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Don't listen to people.
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Do your own business.
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Be careful who you listen to
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'cause that's the last
time I let Wesley Snipes
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help me out with my taxes.
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(crowd laughing)
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Almost got both our ass locked up, man.
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(crowd laughing)
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Gonna kick Wesley's ass.
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I wanted to Passenger 57 his ass.
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Nino Brown's.
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(crowd laughing)
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He told me and Ron Hauser the same thing,
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Ron Hauser was pissed off.
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I talked to him last night.
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Ron's still mad about it.
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He said,
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♪Imma kick Wesley's ass. ♪
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(crowd laughing)
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♪ La la la la la ♪
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I said, "Ron, let it go, let it go!"
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"Put the cane down, put
the cane down, Ron."
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"You don't wanna do this."
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Wesley gonna tell us that mess.
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We was out one night in Hollywood.
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He gonna tell me we don't
have to pay taxes, man.
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We ain't gotta pay no God damn taxes, man.
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(inhaling smoke)
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I said, "Wesley, what the
hell you talkin' bout?"
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I'm Blade. Blade don't
pay no God damn taxes.
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(crowd laughing)
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You pay taxes huh? (laughs)
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G-money you ain't gotta pay no taxes.
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I ain't G-money, I'm Chris.
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What the hell is you talking about?
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This ain't New Jack's City.
Wesley, stop smoking that stuff.
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(crowd laughing)
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The good thing about owing the IRS though,
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everybody else gotta wait.
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Bill collectors try to threaten you.
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They can't even threaten
you in this economy.
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Talking about if you
don't pay the house note,
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we gonna come get it.
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I said, "Well, shit, come get
it. It upside down anyway.
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Come on get it."
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(crowd laughing)
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Don't you wanna talk about it?
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No you said you're coming get
it now come get this shit!
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(crowd laughing)
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Well let's talk about it, mister.
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No, no, I don't wanna talk about nothin'.
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I don't want that house no more anyway.
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I don't go down there anyway.
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(crowd laughs)
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People, you know... People
will say, "Save your money.
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You know? You're young,
you don't wanna hit it."
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They said, "Save your
money for a rainy day."
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I said, "Shit its raining today.
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I'm about to go get me a Ferrari and shit.
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(crowd laughing)
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I'm about to go have some fun!"
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I was doing crazy stuff, ya'll.
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I was doing crazy stuff.
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I bought two houses right
next door to each other.
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Just crazy shit.
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(crowd laughs)
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I was my own next door
neighbor. It was crazy as hell.
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(crowd laughs)
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I was borrowing stuff
from myself and shit.
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You got some sugar we can borrow?
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You know I got some sugar we can borrow.
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What you talkin' about?
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You me and I'm you, man.
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Go on up there and get it.
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I mean you ain't gonna
talk to me like that, damn.
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(crowd laughing)
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I ain't wanna be rude, I
was gonna ask you, damn.
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(crowd laughing)
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Gonna act like that, as long
as I've been knowing you.
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(crowd laughing)
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Crazy, man.
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I'm cutting back though now.
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I'm saving my money. I'm smart.
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Getting smart with my money.
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I ain't doing that buying
all these houses no more.
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(crowd cheers)
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Smart.
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Me, Tony Braxton and Jermaine Dupri
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getting an apartment together.
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(crowd laughs)
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And Terro is moving in too with us.
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And bill collectors get on my nerve, too.
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They get on your nerve.
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They call you. Oh, they call you
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just messing with you,
just no reasons, just...
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I don't care though.
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I tell them. I tell them.
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I say look. People owe me, too. Shit.
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(crowd laughing)
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I'm serious. I say, "Call
Terry. He owe me 20 dollars.
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Put that down on the bill."
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We don't know who no
Terry is or where he is.
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I said, "I don't know
where his ass at neither.
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Let's find his ass."
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(crowd laughing)
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"Can't you see he's the problem, shit?
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We up here fussing he's running free
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with our money."
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(crowd laughing)
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You gotta look at who's the problem here.
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Bill collectors make me sick always goin',
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"We need the money."
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They act like you owe
them the money personally
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"We need the money."
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I said, "Look, I don't
owe you a God damn thing."
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(crowd laughing)
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(funky music)
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