Oval Office Cold Open - SNL - YouTube

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT.

I'M HEADING HOME FOR THE NIGHT, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

>> NO, THANK YOU, DAVID. BUT HEY, HOW DO YOU LIKE WORKING

AT THE WHITE HOUSE? ARE YOUR PARENTS PROUD?

>> I TELL THEM I WORK AT APPLEBEE'S.

>> IT'S GREAT. ONE MORE THING, YOU KNOW I LOVE

MY DAUGHTER IVANKA AND HER HUSBAND JARED.

THEY ALWAYS KEEP ME SO CALM AND MAKE SURE I DON'T DO ANYTHING

TOO CRAZY. >> THAT'S TRUE, SIR.

>> QUICK QUESTION, ARE THEY GONE?

>> YES, THEY DON'T WORK ON SHABBAT.

>> PERFECT. WHEN THE JEWS ARE AWAY, THE GOYS

WILL PLAY. [ LAUGHTER ]

SO SENT IN STEVE BANNON. [ CREEPY MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, DONALD.

I HAVE ARRIVED. >> STEVE, YOU LOOK RESTED.

>> THANK YOU. >> NOT ME, I'VE HAD A LONG DAY.

I'M TIRED AND CRANKY. AND I FEEL LIKE I COULD JUST

FREAK OUT ON SOMEBODY. >> MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL

AUSTRALIA. >> REALLY?

I MEAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN BRIEFED OR ANYTHING.

BUT WHAT COULD GO WRONG? LET'S DO IT.

>> HELLO, PRIME MINISTER TURNBULL.

>> YES, HELLO, IT'S THE DONALD. >> PRESIDENT TRUMP, HOW ARE YOU?

I HEARD THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF BLOWBACK OVER YOUR MUSLIM BAN.

>> NO, THERE WASN'T, EVERYONE LOVES IT.

[ LAUGHTER ] WE HAD TO DO IT BECAUSE OF THAT

HUGE MASSACRE AT BOWLING GREEN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> NEVER HEARD OF THAT ONE. >> YEAH, IT WAS HORRIBLE.

SO MANY PEOPLE DIED, BUT ACTUALLY, THEY'RE THE LUCKY

ONES. THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEE HOW BAD

"THE APPRENTICE" HAS GOTTEN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> MR. TRUMP, THANK YOU FOR STILL ACCEPTING OUR REFUGEES.

>> HOMIE SAY WHAT? >> PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID AMERICA

WOULD ACCEPT 1,200 REFUGEES. YOUR COUNTRY'S COMPASSION WILL

NOT BE FORGOTTEN. >> NO, NO REFUGEES.

AMERICA FIRST, AUSTRALIA SUCKS, YOUR REEF IS FAILING,

PREPARE TO GO TO WAR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

STEVE, I THINK THAT WENT BAD. WAS THAT BAD?

>> NO, IT WENT JUST ACCORDING TO PLAN.

>> WHOSE PLAN? YOUR PLAN?

>> NO, YOUR PLAN. >> OKAY, GOOD.

LET'S CALL MEXICO. I FIGURED OUT A SMART DIPLOMATIC

WAY TO GET THEM TO PAY FOR THE WALL.

>> HOLA? PRESIDENT NIETO?

>> GUY WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL SAYS WHAT?

>> QUE? >> GUY WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR

THE WALL SAYS WHAT? >> QUE?

>> NO, YOU HAVE TO SAY "WHAT." >> HA HA HA, YOU SAID WHAT,

YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL.

>> NO, YOU PAY, LOSER, YOU BOD HOMBRE.

HERE COME OUR TANKS, GET READY TO GO TO WAR.

STEVE, I'M GETTING TOO WORKED UP, MAYBE I SHOULD STOP.

>> OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL GERMANY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.

>> HELLO? IS THIS MY SWEET BARACK?

BARACK OBAMA, I MISS YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO, IT'S DONALD TRUMP. >> AH, GROSS.

HI, DONALD. ARE YOUR PEOPLE STILL

PROTESTING? >> YES, EVERYONE IS MARCHING IN

THE STREET, THEY'RE SO UPSET HOW BAD "THE APPRENTICE" HAS GOTTEN.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH -- >> A VERY IMPORTANT UP AND

COMER, HIS NAME IS FREDERICK DOUGLASS.

[ LAUGHTER ] I'M TRYING TO GET HOLD OF HIM

RIGHT NOW, HE'S VERY BUSY, NOW. >> THAT IS VERY COOL, DONALD.

I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO -- >> ALSO I WANT TO BE SERIOUS FOR

A SECOND. LAST WEEK IT WAS HOLOCAUST

REMEMBRANCE DAY. AS YOU KNOW, 6 MILLION PEOPLE

WERE AT MY INAUGURATION. [ LAUGHTER ]

THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE AT MY INAUGURATION.

THE MEDIA REFUSES TO COVER IT, SO UNFAIR.

ONE DAY I'M GOING TO WRITE A MEMOIR ABOUT THIS STRUGGLE AND

CALL IT "MY STRUGGLE." [ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT WOULD THAT BE IN GERMAN? ANGELA?

>> MY NAME IS AN-GEL-LA. >> DON'T CORRECT ME, I'M IN

CHARGE NOW, GERMANY SUCKS, YOUR WALL FAILED, PREPARE TO GO TO

WAR. [ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

>> THANK YOU, STEVE, THANK YOU. OH, I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA,

WATCH THIS. >> HELLO?

>> HELLO, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE JUST WON A FREE CRUISE

FOR TWO TO HAWAII, ALL YOU NEED IS YOUR COUNTRY'S CREDIT CARD

NUMBER. >> WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR THE

WALL, DONALD. >> YES, YOU ARE.

[ LAUGHTER ] STEVE, ALL OF OUR

SO-CALLED ALLIES ARE BEING SO MEAN TO ME.

>> WHY DON'T YOU CALL SOME RANDOM LITTLE COUNTRY, SHOW THEM

WHO'S BOSS? >> WHAT ABOUT ZIMBABWE?

>> PERFECT. SHOW THEM THE MIGHT OF AMERICA.

>> HELLO? >> ZIMBABWE, THIS IS THE NEW

SHERIFF IN TOWN. >> WAIT, IS THIS DONALD TRUMP?

>> YES. >> YOU THINK YOU ARE DICTATOR?

I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE! AND DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL!

YOU CANNOT EVEN WALK DOWNSTAIRS, YOU LITTLE WHITE BITCH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON'T YOU EVER CALL ZIMBABWE

AGAIN! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> OKAY, DONALD. THAT'S ENOUGH FUN FOR TONIGHT.

CAN I HAVE MY DESK BACK? >> YES, OF COURSE, MR.

PRESIDENT. I'LL GO SIT AT MY DESK, YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]

>> SO MUCH FUN, I LOVE IT. >> YEAH, THIS IS FUN.

AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!