NORMAN - LES APPLICATIONS DE RENCONTRE - YouTube

Hello!

Like many people have tried dating apps, and I have finally found love.

TOTALLY WRONG!

You all know them, Tinder,

Happn, Adopt a Guy,

they all have more or less the same concept,

they're for flirting, finding love,

potentially practicing sex

or actually practicing sex.

Before, I imagined the people who used this kind of apps

to be rather like this:

"Having not found love in dating agencies, I now try my luck

with Tinder as well as Happn.

Aged 43, I live at my mother's and I must admit I would really like

to lose my willy's virginity."

It turns out everyone uses these apps nowadays.

Now you can find cute girls on there.

Lots of good-looking, stylish, muscular, manly--

Sorry.

At the beginning, I didn't really know which app to use,

so I downloaded all of them.

Except that when people look at my phone,

they think I'm real hungry for it!

The man in heat!

The thing with Happn is that you can talk to people you've actually met,

which is pretty handy.

Look who's been flirting with me.

He' so ugly!

Look at his hair! It makes me want to throw up!

[Clears throat]

I heard everything!

Once, I was chatting to a girl and I asked her, "How are you?".

I swear to you she answered

[Robotic Woman Voice] You are currently considered Less-Than-Shit.

[Cries]

I've seen some profiles where they put on their bio "I'm only looking for friends".

Are you serious? You're looking for friends?

It's not Tinder that you need, it's a summer camp!

[Children cheering]

Who are these people who can't grasp the concept of dating apps?

So I've registered on Tinder only to make friends.

And you?

Me, it's to sell my coffee-maker.

It's been barely used, as new.

Only 15 euros for you.

I could have gone on Gumtree but I'm a bit stupid!

A real gem.

On these apps, you can often see if you have a common interest

with people, which is useful

to start a conversation but the problem is that sometimes

your only common interest is really not that great.

So I see that you too

likes the TV Guide page on Facebook.

[Romantic Italian Song]

I don't understand girls who put

group selfies, with three of them.

You don't know which one she is, it makes no sense.

Unless she's looking for a four-way.

Hang on, what's that profile again?

A friend showed me her Happn account,

and I really saw how

a guy's account and a girl's account

are completely different.

A guy's account:

[Sound of a crow]

A girl's account:

[Sound of chatter]

A guy's account (sometimes):

Wow!

Er...hi!

Hi!

Join me at www.alotofsex.com

Oh no!

All my girlfriends are on heat so join us.

Okay but quick because I have to--

[Suggestive noises]

I won't lie to you since I've put my pictures and my name and all,

several girls recognised me from my videos.

Yeah, I'm like really famous, you see.

The guy's got the big head!

Yeah, I got recognised, so what? I love Saint Tropez.

One might think it's a good thing

but not necessarily...

I bet you're not the real one.

I promise you it's really me, Norman.

Send me a selfie then.

[click]

Yeah, it could be a selfie of Norman that you found on the web.

If it's really you, take one with a lamp in your left hand and a banana in your right one.

F@*^ing hell.

Maybe the real Norman did one like this too.

Make a video where you say "Elodie".

Hi Elodie, here I am, Norman.

I'll believe you when I see you for real.

[Groans]

TWO DAYS LATER

I don't know, you could just really look like him.

I promise you I am Norman.

Look, it says on my ID card.

Okay, yeah, I believe you.

There you go! Finally!

But I'm really not interested.

It was just out of curiosity.

Have a nice day.

[Robotic Woman Voice] Less-than-less-than shit.

I had enough that girls thought I was a fake

so then I put on my profile,

"Don't worry, I totally am the real one."

Then I received that kind of message,

"Why did you write 'I am the real one' on your profile?

I don't know you, who are you? Your head's too big, man.

You're a nobody, okay?!"

[Robotic Woman Voice] Less-than-less-than-less-than shit

Let's be honest,

this kind of meeting via app is not very romantic.

What will you tell you children?

Daddy, how did you meet mom?

How did I meet your mother?

[Laughs]

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was taking a dump

while swiping girls on Tinder...

When suddenly, I saw your mother.

Such a smile, such eyes.

I pushed really hard.

[Fart noise]

And I put a super like.

When I came out of the toilets,

I was at once relieved, unconstipated and in love.

I think I'll grow a moustache to seduce her.

Thank you, Tinder.

Don't worry, this wasn't a product placement for dating apps,

only the sad reality of my current love life.

Or of a guy in heat.

I understand some people can find love with them

but it's not for me.

I don't think anything can replace a real life encounter.

In a party, by chance, around a conversation...

around a Monopoly.

So I'm going to go, to enjoy a bit of real life,

and remember, whether it's with Happn, Tinder, Adopt a Guy or other,

use protection!

I wish you all the best because I love you lots and lots.

If you like my video, give a thumb up!

For the love of luv.

Ciao!

[Music]

Making babies is very easy.

Daddy stork goes to the nest of Mommy stork

and they start to, er...

well, to kiss.

Seriously? I thought it was like in the gangbang section of Xappster.

I see...