Papy Grenier - Final Fantasy VII - YouTube

♫ And now, let's follow another story... ♫

♫ ...of Papy Grenier ♫

(Kids) Papy, Papy ! Papy Grenier ! Papy Papy Papy !

Ooooh, children !

Oh, I almost succeeded dying before seeing you again, heh.

How unfortunate.

(Kid) Papy Papy, you're gonna tell us a story?

Oh a story!

Did I tell you when I almost succeeded dying before seeing you?

(Kid) Papy, you're getting old.

Papy ? Where? Where?!

Ahem, well...

Did I tell you when I was a young soldier in a terrorist group?

It was in 1997, 4 years before terrorism was trendy!

Aaah, I remember my team:

There was my childhood friend,

A big black guy with a machine gun,

An engineer,

A florist,

A ninja,

A little cat on a big cat,

A vampire

And a talking dog

With those guys, we could only win!

We weren't that much people at the beginning...

There was just Tifa with her huge... Err...

Well just look...

Raah, fuck, my back hurts!

Screw you, Japanese character designer!

There was Barret too, a cool terrorist...

What? You didn't expect that? Huh?

What did you expect, huh?

Come on, abort!

I can read through you there, man.

And later, well, I fell in the garden of Aerith.

We didn't know each other but she still decided to stay with me until the ends of the world.

Ni Hao!

Ok, whatever. Anyway, this scenario already makes no sense.

Come on, dude! We need find the talking dog!

I'll keep an eye on you, whitey.

Yeah, I recall, I had a good stuff

I had a huge sword to compensate on the ridiculous size of my-

*Censoring Chocobo sound*

Well, I did a lot of training for my victory dance.

And trust me, at the beginning it wasn't easy!

Heh, I needed to get used to it too!

Even more when I was with the group!

(Kid) Papy, did you really dance like that?

Well...

Come on, let's get away! The Mako reactor will blow up!

After a while, we get used to it.

That was one hell of a job, for sure

We blew up reactors and killed thousands people to protect Nature.

I mean, I did that for the cash, personally.

Tss, bullshit, yeah.

(Kid) But no Papy, you all did that for nature!

Nature my ass, yeah!

Nature hated us!

If Nature liked us, she wouldn't annoy us every 10 seconds!

Fuck yeah, finally a field without enemies!

Damn it!

Raaah! I'm fighting for nature!

Then get lost!

Hell yeah, I saved nature a little more today!

OH FUCK IT!

For nature, yeah...

But the best to explain this insane story, was Red XIII's grandfather.

The talking dog.

Stylish, heh?

It took me 25 years to build this!

All this, just to explain this theory!

Woaaaah!

Put on the glasses, it's got 3D!

Oooooooh!

Wait for it, there's also a Haribo ad!

♫ Haribo, life is so nice, for old and young people ♫

So I'm beginning:

So when you die, you become a green energy

...And the vital energy of the planet transformed into electricity in Mako reactors...

...Then, I get out of the car and tell him "Well it's okay, but we need a report"...

..."Me? You wanna fuck with me?!" Then I punch him like that, then another like this...

...Ahem, well that's why you need to stop Sephiroth to summon a meteor that will injure the planet.

Wow, dude!

Yes, I know, the planet is in danger, it will be a hard t-

Okay but dude! What the fuck! You have no legs and you fly!

Huh? What do you mean by "No legs" ?!

Ahh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

(Kid) And then, how did it go with the drunk chinese?

What?

Well, anyway, I'll tell you more about Sephiroth.

That guy hated florists!

No! Aerith, stay with us! If you die, I'll never get back the materias you have!

But it was already too late...

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yay!

And that's how she left us...

What a sorrowful day it was...

(Kid) Papy, that's super sad.

What?

What's this cheesy bullshit for TV?

What are you saying? That's not how it happened, oh!

How could I not drown in a scene like this, huh? No!

It happened THAT way!!

*Theme of Aerith's death*

*Tapping and wrapping sounds*

*Splash!*

Fuck! She's not sinking!

Come back here!

*Grunts*

Come on!

Fuck it!

Fuck, no!

Shit, unbelievable.

Screw it!

Come on... Come on...

Aerith... Aerith...

Oh, oh, oh!

I think I still have an ear I kept for memories, somewhere...

(Kid) Why didn't you use a Phoenix's down to revive her, Papy?

Oh yeah! The Phoenix's down! In fact, I never understood how that thing worked.

Oh my god! Barret is dead!

Quick! A Phoenix's down!

Guili guili guili? Guiliii!

Ok, bro! Ok, I'm not dead anymore!

Well, anyway! Aerith's death was so depressing.

From now on...

...one thing was in our minds!

It was to find Sephiroth and have some revenge!

*Gold Saucer's theme*

Wooooh!

What? Hey, we had the right to chill, no?

Revenge, that's long!

With all these... SHINRA... Summonings... Lifestream... and stuff...

I well deserved some cotton candy from time to time, no? Wooh, heh!

(Kid) Yeah, but we prefer when you talk about fights!

Oh, but fights... We were always fighting!

Told you, we couldn't walk 3 minutes in any place without being attacked!

Even when we were indoors, and we thought that THERE, there wouldn't be a damned beast to attack us...

We got jumped on by fucking furnitures!

Really! Unbelievable!

So, you'll excuse me if sometimes, we got carried away!

Oh no! Not again, fuck!

It was worth iiiit!

Screw you, man!

Ahem, eventually, we found Sephiroth,

but he summoned a meteor to destroy the planet with the magic of the Ancients.

or whatever was it named, to harm the planet !

So well... it'd heal itself with the Lifestream...

And then, he gets the power... then he...

And well there were the Weapons sealed under the ice,

So, well, we went to... Erm... Heh...

Oh, it's complicated, I told you! Ask Red XIII's grandpa!

Well, if I come from the right... Hum... The priority, it's for me! So, excuse me, if I come from the roundabout...

...It's not my fault!

Well, anyway, what's important is "We won, and we killed Sephiroth". End of the story!

(Kid) But Papy, each time, you talked about you three!

While you were doing all this, where were the others?

Oh! There was no space anymore in the Twingo. So, we left them in the HQ.

Come on, Red XIII! Show us your butt!

Yaaaaaaay!

(Kid) Grandpa, finally, how did it all end?

Oh, in a very classic way.

*Opening of the Lion King* It's the story! The story of life!

(Kid) Papy, Papy! Tell us another one!

Oh, of course. But that'll be for next time...

Ahu awuuu!