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Kansas Votes Pro-Choice, Alex Jones Caught in Lie & Beyonc茅 Tweaks Album Again | The Daily Show - YouTube
Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
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first things first according to
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astronomers the earth is actually
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spinning faster than ever before
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and because of that it recently set the
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record for the shortest day ever
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yeah june 29th was apparently 1.59
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milliseconds shorter than a normal day
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yeah
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and that's how you know things are going
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bad even though earth is like all right
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let's wrap this up let's go let's go
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let's keep things moving let's get
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things going
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1.59 milliseconds faster i mean you do
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know what this means right we'll get to
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leave work 1.59 milliseconds earlier
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yeah baby
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oh god
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it also gives people a great excuse if
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they get pulled over it's like sure if
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you've been drinking no the earth is
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spinning super fast
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it's making me dizzy man then why aren't
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we all dizzy i'm too drunk to answer
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that question
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meanwhile in environmental news a man in
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utah has been arrested
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for accidentally starting a 60-acre
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wildfire
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while trying to burn a spider with a
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cigarette lighter
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and yes
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this sounds terrible
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but i bet that spider learned his lesson
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you've learned that spider
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in entertainment news brad pitt wore a
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skirt to his latest movie premiere and
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when he was asked why he did it he said
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quote we're all going to die so let's
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just have some fun before we get out
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yeah and i uh i love that what an
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inspirational way to say it's laundry
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day
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it's also been like 200 degrees outside
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every day the question isn't why is brad
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pitt wearing a skirt it's why isn't
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every guy wearing a skirt
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are you kidding me have you felt how hot
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it is out there
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but the fabric on both sides everything
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is cooped up
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you walk outside and you would spend
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five minutes in this weather before you
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know it you're walking around with two
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lightly poached eggs in your pants
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gotta let it breathe
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oh oh this okay this is a wild story
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in travel news airbnb has announced that
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it will no longer allow people to list
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former slave cabins as vacation rentals
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after one listing caused an uproar
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online
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and this must be one of those things
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that's probably white people i mean
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no because as a black person there's no
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way i'm vacationing in a slave cabin i
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don't care if it's a former slave cab i
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don't care if it's renovate there's no
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black person who's like yeah this is
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where i want to spend my vacation
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so good for airbnb i will say this if i
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owned airbnb i wouldn't cancel these
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listings i would say yeah you can stay
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there if you want but you're going to
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have to have the real experience yeah
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just surprise those people barge into
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the cabin at 6am like here's your basket
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fill it up
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whip your way i just wanted to see what
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it was like well now you see
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but anyway let's move on to some of the
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bigger news stories of the day first up
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yesterday we had another round of
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primary elections in america and i'm
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just going to say this this country has
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too many elections all right
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yeah every week it's like it's time to
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vote but we voted last week no that was
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the vote to vote for who we voting for
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this week then we'll vote on when we'll
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vote for the next vote vote vote vote
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vote vote vote vote votes
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so let's check in on the results
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of these votes
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in our ongoing coverage of vote demick
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2022
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[Music]
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so last night was a very good night for
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donald jigglypuff trump
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in michigan his candidate defeated a
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republican who votes to impeach him in
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arizona his candidates won the primaries
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for senate and secretary of state and in
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missouri the eric he endorsed
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beats
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the other eric that he endorsed
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yeah it was the best night for trump
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he's had that didn't end with someone
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signing an nda and these arizona races
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could have national implications because
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these republicans you have to understand
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the ones who are winning now they all
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believe
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in crazy conspiracy theories about biden
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stealing the election in 2020.
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so if they win the final races they
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could end up in charge of counting the
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votes in 2024
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and i don't know about you but i know
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for certain i do not trust them with
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that job can you imagine what it'll be
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like
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all right another vote another vote for
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trump that's a trump vote that's a
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that's a trump yeah i saw that that was
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trump
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what you're doing there that's a yeah
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that's enough i'm counting that's trump
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as well yeah put it in but that's it
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trump again what was look at that that
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person spent trump wrong he said b-i-d-n
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that's not how you spell trump what the
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they spelled it wrong that's all right
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what's the final tally what's that trump
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won bazillion biden minus 10. i think i
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did a good job
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don't say i didn't warn you
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now there is
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there is some good news other than the
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trump virus spreading through the
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republican party like vechna last night
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was actually a really good night for
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anyone who believes a woman should have
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a right to choose what happens in her
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own body and it's all thanks to kansas
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in conservative kansas this morning a
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political earthquake and a big win for
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abortion rights supporters kansas voters
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rejecting an amendment that would have
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removed abortion protections from the
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state constitution in effect keeping
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access to the procedure there the
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turnout on a 100 degree day in the
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middle of summer was 53
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historically high they've never seen
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anything like this this is barack
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obama's numbers our state stood up and
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said no
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we're the first ones to say no so i'm
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just i'm overjoyed wow kansas
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amazing
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absolutely
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amazing congratulations kansas
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it's moments like these i wish i knew
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which one of these states you were
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but either way congratulations
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no for real though for real this is a
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huge pro-choice victory and it's
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especially amazing that it happened in
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kansas a state so red that trump won it
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by 14 points
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yeah no one expected this this was a
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bigger shock than when batgirl found out
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that her real nemesis is the ceo of
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warner brothers and this is where you
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realize
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this is where you realize as well
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the anti-abortion views
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of right-wing lawmakers and some people
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on the supreme court they don't mirror
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what actual americans want
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all
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it's not right
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and that's a huge problem in this
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country
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it's like letting the craziest dude in
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your friend group plan your bachelor
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party
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you're gonna be like i just wanted to
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play beerbong how did we end up in a
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bangkok president not cool samuel
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oh and speaking of earth-shattering news
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beyonce
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is changing her album
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again
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yeah first
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she took out the word spazz from a song
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because some people complained that it
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was ableist right and now she's removing
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a sample from one of her other songs
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because kalis complained that she didn't
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get any credit from it
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and look i get what beyonce is doing
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it's very nice
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but i also should point out this could
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turn into a major disaster
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because you realize now
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depending on when you listen to the
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album
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you could be hearing completely
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different songs
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yeah it's just going to change you don't
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even know what the thing is going to be
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like i heard you won't break my soul
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then someone else is like you won't
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score a goal someone was like someone
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check this mole you don't know
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can you imagine the chaos it was going
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to cause
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yeah the next time you're at a beyonce
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concert beyonce's gonna be like
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everyone's singing along we're gonna be
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like we can't
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which version
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oh and because beyonce is now taking
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requests monica lewinsky sent out a
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tweet basically saying
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what about removing her name in one of
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beyonce's old songs partition
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all right it's a song where beyonce sang
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he monica lewinsky all on my gown
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yeah
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and i mean i think we can all see why
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monika wouldn't want that in a song
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and for me personally
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i also think beyonce should change it in
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the song because it's not right
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technically it should be he bill clinton
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on my gown
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because that's the guy who did all the
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[聽__聽]
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you gotta remember who did the thing
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i'm not saying beyonce did anything
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wrong i'm just saying beyonce you have
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to understand what the way american
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schools teach history your songs might
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be the only way children learn it needs
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to be accurate beyonce please
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[Applause]
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so whether you agree with it or not
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beyonce has made her choice and good for
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her
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in fact you know what i think they
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should say some artists have to be
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forced to do it beyonce was nice some
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answers have to be forced yeah like r
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kelly
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yeah part of his sentence should be that
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he has to go back and redo all of his
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old songs
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because age is not just a number
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yeah one back in the studio my mind's
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telling me no and now my body
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understands why it's a no my body
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completely understands
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my body completely understands
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oh and speaking of people who wish they
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could go back and change the past alex
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jones far right-wing commentator and man
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who makes donald trump look like a
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reasonable human being is currently on
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trial for spreading lies about the sandy
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hook shooting right saying that it was
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all a hoax
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and today in the trial one of the
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funniest moments came
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when he found out
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that his inept lawyer had screwed up and
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sent the prosecution evidence
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that proved alex jones committed perjury
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mr jones
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did you know that 12 days ago
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12 days ago
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your attorneys messed up and sent me an
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entire digital copy of your entire cell
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phone with every text message you've
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sent for the past two years and when
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informed did not take any steps to
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identify it as privileged or protected
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in any way
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and as of two days ago it fell free and
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clear into my possession and that is how
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i know you lied to me when you said you
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didn't have text messages about saying
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did you know that i mean i was mistaken
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i was mistaken but you got the messages
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right there i mean i'm not a tech guy i
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told you i gave in my testimony the
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phone
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to the lawyers before whatever and and
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so you've got my phone but we didn't
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give it to you not mr jones
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[Applause]
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oh [聽__聽] that was funny
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oh man i like how he was he was so
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shocked he started turning into every
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emoji he was like
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at one point he even tried to give
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himself covert do you see this
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i can't speak you know the disease i
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said is fake yeah i got it i've got it
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now i got it you know you're in trouble
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when the truth chokes you up like you're
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on an episode of hot ones you know with
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those spicy wings it's like
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i'm sorry what did i say
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but you realize you realize this moment
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this moment is huge right because it
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shows that alex jones probably committed
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perjury
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which means alex jones lies about stuff
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yeah i know that's shocking because now
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i'm starting to wonder does that mean
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chemtrails from planes aren't turning
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the frogs gay
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was that also a
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lie and by the way where did you get
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that lawyer
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can we just talk about that
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because you see how the lawyers are
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sitting there like
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i would love to be there for that
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classic lawyer clan conversation during
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recess and we're just standing together
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so uh how do you think it's going it's
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like well uh apart from the fact that i
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uh screwed this whole thing up worse
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than any lawyer in history i think we
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still have a shot i think we should have
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a shot all right that's it for the
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headlines but before we go to a quick
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break let's check in on the stock market
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with our very own finance expert michael
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costa everybody
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michael the markets are crazy man yeah
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what's happening in the market today i'm
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crushing it man uh
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i'm crushing it i'm like jackie chan and
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chris tucker because i'm in crush hour
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two ladies and gentlemen all right you
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always say this guy and i got a hot tip
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for you you want to make some money like
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costa makes money all right i got a hot
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tip for you so pay attention all right
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so okay what we got here is the last
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five months the gasoline price actually
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before do you mind that story about the
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airbnb slavery story yeah you know what
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i'm saying like look they shouldn't be
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renting that out but i appreciate them
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being honest you know every time i rent
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an airbnb they're not honest about the
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pictures
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you said you said it was a two-bedroom
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quaint apartment i didn't know quaint
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meant haunted okay
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let's be honest airbnb is just catfish
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for a house okay
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look i don't want to sleep where slavery
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happened i prefer a hotel i'd rather
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sleep where lifeless middle-aged
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missionary positions sex happen but
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this is terrible i mean marketing off of
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slavery that's not cool using slavery to
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make a buck exploiting suffering that's
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why i don't use airbnb instead trevor
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i'm a slave to bargainhotels.net
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book a bargain today
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what let's get to the chart okay so
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these are the gas actually actually that
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other story about the earth spinning the
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earth spinning so fast i'm a financial
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expert i'm not a scientist but i'm
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pretty sure this is happening because of
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the large population in asia okay think
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about it if one part of the earth is a
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lot heavier than the other
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when the earth spins
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okay spinning spinning spinning gets to
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asia
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whip spit gets to asia whip
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think about it
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think about it you know what you're
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right you're not a scientist just tell
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us what's happening
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this is the price of gasoline over the
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last five months and it's been a wild
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ride okay i mean this reminds me of the
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last time i took ayahuasca and went on
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the c train okay i mean those showtime
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guys i thought they were my father okay
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but look here's the good news all right
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the price of gas is back down now the
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bad news is that as gasoline gets
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cheaper arson is gonna go up okay
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it's just so much cheaper to commit
[862]
arson now
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even i've been thinking about it more
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okay
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trevor between us guys all right it
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leaves no evidence you get the insurance
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money and it kills all the spiders
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all right hot tip i promised you a hot
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tip all right booking a hotel room can
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feel like a lot of labor
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ease the burden with
[883]
bargainhotels.net tell them costa sent
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ya do not tell them costa anything
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michael costa everybody
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[Music]
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you
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