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The Psychology of Con Artists, and How to Avoid Them | Maria Konnikova | Big Think - YouTube
Channel: Big Think
[6]
While there's really no way to tell if someone
is lying, so there's no way to spot deception
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and say you're not telling the truth, and
there's no such thing as the Pinocchio's nose
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of lying, no one sign that will tell you this
person is not to be trusted.
[23]
But we can learn to recognize some of the
persuasive techniques that people might use
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to try to get us on their side.
[32]
Unfortunately it starts with getting us to
like them.
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And so once you like someone it's much more
difficult to spot these things because you're
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already subjective.
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But how do people get you to like them?
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Well, we like people who are similar to us
and we like people who like the things we
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like.
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We like people who are familiar to us, oh,
I've seen you around.
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I know who you are.
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And people who are trying to sell us something,
be they con artists or just softer sales people,
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they know this and so they latch onto characteristics
about us that are pretty apparent.
[68]
They might find out that I'm from the Boston
area and say, "oh the Red Sox," and try to
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see my reaction.
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Am I an avid Red Sox fan?
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If I am the conversation will now go in that
direction.
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All of a sudden we're bonding over baseball.
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This can't be a bad person.
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And now all of a sudden they're selling me
something but now from a very different point
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of view, from a point of view of a friend
of someone who's a buddy, of someone who's
[92]
really cool rather than the point of view
of someone who is a sales person.
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So that's something to be on the lookout.
[100]
Although it's terrible because I'm basically
saying hey don't make new friends.
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But what I mean is if a friendship advances
very, very quickly and on very superficial
[110]
basis and is followed very soon there after
by a request then that might be a red flag
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that the request might be something that you
want to think twice about.
[121]
Then there are ways of framing requests that
we know are more likely to be successful.
[127]
For instance, there's a technique that's called
the foot in the door.
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Get your foot in the door and then you can
ask for what you really want.
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So how do you get the foot in the door?
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First you ask for something really, really
small.
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So I might ask you for just two minutes of
your time.
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I want your opinion on a purchase I'm making.
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And I know that I really trust your opinion
on cell phones so can you just help me out
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do you like your phone?
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What do you like about it?
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Okay.
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Wonderful.
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Thank you so much.
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We're done.
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A few weeks later you might ask me to donate
or rather I might ask you since I'm the one
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who is the con artist in this scenario, I
might ask you to write me a letter of recommendation
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or donate an hour of your time to a volunteer
organization I work for or whatever my real
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ask is.
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But because you've helped me in the past,
even though it was a very, very small favor
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that you were asking, you're much more likely
to help me now because we like to be consistent.
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And if we think that we're nice people who
help others because we've already helped someone
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we're going to keep helping.
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Plus, if I'm the type of person who was worth
helping once I'm worth helping again because
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clearly you didn't make the wrong decision
the first time around.
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So repeat requests are really hard to say
no to, but sometimes we have to.
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Sometimes you have to realize that you know
what, just because I said yes once doesn't
[214]
mean that I should say yes a second time and
it doesn't make me a bad person to say no.
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It's one of those things that you have to
give yourself permission to say no and you
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have to give yourself permission to exit situations
that we don't feel comfortable in.
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There's a technique called the door in the
face, which is the opposite of the foot in
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the door.
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So you ask for something egregious.
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I don't really know you very well but I'm
going to ask you to spend a day at the zoo
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with my students.
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And you're going to say are you insane, in
your mind, you probably wouldn't say this
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to my face, but you're certainly going to
say no because that's something that's really
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a huge amount of time.
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So then a few weeks later I'll say, "Oh no
course I totally understand.
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It's a huge imposition.
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I totally get it.
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Don't worry about it."
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A few weeks later I come back to you and say,
"Hey, would you be willing to come in and
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talk to my class for an hour and then answer
some questions?"
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You're going to say yes, even though that's
a huge request still.
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And if I had just asked you that you probably
would have said no but you're still feeling
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so guilty about saying no the first time around,
even though I said that I really didn't mind
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and that I totally understood, you're going
to be feeling so guilty that you're going
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to say yes.
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Door in the face.
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First you make them slam the door in your
face because slamming the door in someone's
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face feels terrible and we hate feeling like
bad human beings so then we'll try to redeem
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ourselves and then we'll become your best
friend; we'll keep helping you.
[305]
Once again, something that uses human emotions
and our perception ourselves against us.
[313]
We want to feel like good people.
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Con artists know this and they take advantage
of it by making us do things that will make
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us feel like good people.
[323]
And putting us in situations where it's really
difficult to refuse because refusing would
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mean we're not good people and that's not
a feeling that we're comfortable with at all.
[335]
They also love using, you know, if we talk
about other argumentative strategies a lot
[340]
of it has to do with scarcity, you know, get
it while it's hot; this isn't going to last.
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When ever anyone puts time pressure on you
that's a really bad sign.
[350]
Now I know that certain companies when they're
making you a job offer they'll make it an
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exploding offer, so this job offer is only
on the table for the next 48 hours and if
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you don't take it it's gone.
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A lot of people will take that job offer,
whereas if they had a moment to cool down
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and to think about it they would have realized
that it's not good for them.
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Well, you would think that employers aren't
con artists, but that is a page right out
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of the con artist playbook.
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How do you pressure people into doing something
that they might not otherwise do for your
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own ends because you want that person to take
this job?
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Well, if you really wanted them but you were
playing by the rulebook you would give them
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time to think about it.
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Making it an exploding offer puts them in
a situation where, again, they're emotionally
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hot, they can't reflect and so they feel like
they can't say no.
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Because what happens, you know, we're right
back with uncertainty, what happens if I have
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no job?
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What happens if nothing else comes up and
I say no?
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I can't run that risk.
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This might not be quite right for me but I'm
just going to accept it.
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Con artists put us in that situation all the
time.
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They just fill the world with exploding job
offers.
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People who are trying to persuade us, whether
they're con artists, whether they're business
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people, whether they're sales people, whether
they're politicians, they really key in on
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the human desire to say yes.
[435]
And the fact that we often just don't want
to exit a situation because we don't know
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how, we don't know how to get out of it and
still feel like good people, still maintain
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our dignity.
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And so knowing how to say no is I think the
crucial lesson that we can learn for extricating
[451]
ourselves out of a lot of these persuasive
situations.
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