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Hospitality Industry Deploys Robots To Combat The Great Resignation | Seditionist Round Up Roundup - YouTube
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
AND GENTLEMEN, ONE AND ALL,
TO
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"THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN
COLBERT.
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AND IT IS--<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
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THIS IS THE FIRST FRIDAY OF
2022.
[8]
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
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I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
THAT'S WHY I SHOWED UP.
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IF I'M NOT HAPPY TO BE HERE,
I DON'T SHOW UP.
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THAT'S WHY ON SOME FRIDAYS
MIGHT NOTICE WE DON'T DO A
NEW SHOW.
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I CALL UP CHRIS, AND I'LL
SAY, "HEY, JUST NOT FEELING
IT THIS
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FRIDAY," AND THE NETWORK
JUST GOES, "WHATEVER YOU
SAY, CHIEF!
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YOUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING
IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT TO US
THAN
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MONEY!"
BUT... THAT'S THE FIRST JOKE
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TONIGHT.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
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TO WORK THESE DAYS.
ACCORDING TO THE MOST RECENT
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JOBS REPORTS, IN NOVEMBER,
"THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE
QUITTING
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JOBS HIT AN ALL-TIME HIGH"
IN WHAT IS BEING CALLED THE
"GREAT
[47]
RESIGNATION."
WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT ON
THE
[50]
GREAT RESIGNATION, ONE
ECONOMIST SAID, "ASK
SOMEBODY ELSE.
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I QUIT!"<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
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COMES STRAIGHT AND HOT FROM
THE BUREAU OF LABOR
STATISTICS'
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LATEST "JOB OPENINGS AND
LABOR TURNOVER SURVEY-- OR
'JOLTS'--
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RELEASE."
INCIDENTALLY, IF YOU'RE
JOLTING
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YOURSELF TO RELEASE ON THE
JOB, YOU'LL PROBABLY GETTING
FIRED
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BEFORE YOU GET A CHANCE TO
RESIGN.
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
YOU DO YOU.
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ONE SECTOR HAS BEEN HIT
HARD. WORKERS PARTICULARLY
QUIT THEIR
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JOBS IN THE HOSPITALITY
INDUSTRY, WHICH IS WHY
ROBOTS
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ARE FILLING IN STAFFING
SORTAGES AT SOME HOTELS.
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THAT'S RIGHT-- RUTHLESS
KILLING MACHINES PROGRAMMED
TO DELIVER
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YOUR LUGGAGE TO YOUR ROOM.
IT'S ROBO-HOP.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THIS IS TRUE.
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THIS IS ACTUALLY-- THIS IS
ACTUALLY ALREADY HAPPENING.
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LET'S SEE THE FUTURE OF
HOSPITALITY IN ACTION:
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>> THE ROBOT NEEDS TO BE
TRAINED ONLY ONCE TO
NAVIGATE THE LOBBY
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AND HALLWAYS.
IT EVEN HAS BEEN ADAPTED TO
CALL
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FOR AN ELEVATOR.
ONCE INSIDE, IT CAN PRESS
THE
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BUTTON FOR THE DESIGNATED
FLOOR. >> Stephen: WAIT,
WAIT, ROBOT.
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AT LEAST BUY THAT ELEVATOR
DINNER FIRST!
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CAN WE SHOW THAT ON CBS?
I DON'T KNOW.
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AND IT'S GREAT AT ROOM
SERVICE. >> ONCE IT GETS TO
THE ROOM, IT
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CALLS THE GUEST TO ANNOUNCE
ITS ARRIVAL.
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>> OUR ROBOT IS WAITING
OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR.
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>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT AS
COMFORTING AS YOU THINK.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
YOUR DOOR.
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YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO
COMPLY, OR YOU WILL BE
INCINERATED AND
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THEN CHARGED FOR A MINI-BAR
TOBLERONE."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
BUT SOME FOLKS-- TOBLREONE
FANS.
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WHO DOESN'T LIKE CHOCOLATE?
BUT SOME FOLKS ACTUALLY
PREFER
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THE INHUMAN TOUCH.
ACCORDING TO THE C.E.O. OF
THE
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ROBOT HOSPITALITY COMPANY,
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO TIP IT,
AND YOU
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DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET
DRESSED FOR IT."
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OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO, BUT
YOU REALLY STILL SHOULD PUT
ON A
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ROBE.
JUST BECAUSE IT'S A ROBOT,
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DOESN'T MEAN IT NEEDS TO SEE
WHAT YOU USE TO PUSH
ELEVATOR
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BUTTONS.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
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"GOING UP?"
RESTAURANTS, RESTAURANTS ARE
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ALSO FILLING THEIR JOB
OPENINGS WITH ROBOTS, SUCH
AS "FLIPPY,"
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FROM MISO ROBOTICS, WHICH
"USES ARTIFICIAL
INTELLIGENCE,
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SENSORS, COMPUTER VISION,
AND ROBOTIC ARMS TO FRY FAST
FOOD."
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THIS THING IS CAPABLE OF
SOLVING THE MOST COMPLEX
MATHEMATIC
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CALCULATIONS, AND IT'S
FRYING FAST FOOD.
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IT'S A SCIENTIFIC
BREAKTHROUGH. THEY'VE
INVENTED A SYNTHETIC
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GRAD STUDENT!<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
[207]
AND THE MAKERS-- YUP.
THE MAKERS OF FLIPPY ALSO
MAKE
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"SIPPY," A ROBOT MACHINE
THAT AUTOMATICALLY DISPENSES
COLAS
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AND SOFT DRINKS.
AND IF YOU BUY THEM BOTH,
THE
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FLIPPY AND SIPPY ROBOTS
COMBINE TO FORM "DIABETES
VOLTRON."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
BUT SIPPY THE ROBOT WON'T BE
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POURING MUCH OF THE HARD
STUFF, BECAUSE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ARE
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USING THE NEW YEAR AS AN
OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE A BREAK
FROM
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ALCOHOL-- A.K.A. "DRY
JANUARY." PERSONALLY, I'M
GOING TO DO A
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THIRD OF THAT.
I WILL NOT BE DRINKING FOR
THE
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EIGHT HOURS A DAY THAT I'M
SLEEPING.
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BUT, BUT, JUST FOR JANUARY.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
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BEVERAGE COMPANY HAD A BIT
OF ADVICE.
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PABST BLUE RIBBON POSTED
THIS ACTUAL TWEET: "NOT
DRINKING THIS
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JANUARY?
TRY EATING ASS!"
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
YES, IF YOU MISS THE
REFRESHING
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TASTE OF PABST BLUE RIBBON,
THE CLOSEST SUBSTITUTE IS
ASS!
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THAT'S WHY-- MMM!
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THAT'S WHY TRUE CONNOISSEURS
CALL IT, "PABST BROWN
RIBBON."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
DELETED.
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INSTEAD, THEY SEEM TO BE
PLAYING IT SAFE-- AND THIS
IS TRUE--
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BY TWEETING JUST THE WORD
"BEER."
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OR, IF BEER'S NOT AVAILABLE,
TRY PABST BLUE RIBBON.
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OF COURSE, COMPANIES AREN'T
JUST PROMOTING THEMSELVES
HERE ON
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EARTH.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT
THE
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LATEST IN MY SEGMENT, "SPACE
NEWS: BRANDS IN SPACE
EDITION."
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
COMING IN HOT.
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IN OUR-- VERY EASY, CHEAP
DATE. IN OUR FIRST PIECE OF
ORBITING
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BRAND NEWS, AMAZON'S ALEXA
MAY SOON BE GOING TO SPACE.
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REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS
SCENE FROM "2001: A SPACE
ODYSSEY."
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>> OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS,
ALEXA >> PLAYING "BEST OF
THE DOORS."
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♪ ♪ ♪
>> NO!
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ALEXA, NO!
>> Stephen: A SPOKESPERSON
FOR
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AMAZON SAYS THAT THE DEVICE
COULD ALLOW ASTRONAUTS TO
OBTAIN
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REALTIME DATA BY ASKING
THINGS LIKE, "WHAT SPEED ARE
WE GOING
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ON?
WHAT'S THAT ALARM THAT JUST
WENT
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OFF?
REMIND ME WHAT THAT IS."
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"REMIND ME WHAT THAT IS"?
HOW DUMB ARE ASTRONAUTS?
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"ALEXA, HOW MANY SPEEDS IS
SPACESHIPS DOING FOR?
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HOUSTON, WE HAVE A POTATO!"
ALEXA, EVIDENTALLY, COULD
ALSO
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COMMUNICATE WITH EARTH TO
RETRIEVE ALL SORTS OF
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INFORMATION, SUCH AS NEWS,
THAT WOULD HELP ASTRONAUTS
TO FEEL
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LESS LONELY.
YES, BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE
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THING THAT ALWAYS CHEERS ME
UP WHEN I'M FEELING DOWN,
IT'S THE
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NEWS.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
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BACK HERE ON EARTH--<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
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NEWS?
>> Jon: NEWS FANS.
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>> Stephen: BACK EARTH-SIDE,
OMICRON CONTINUES TO RAGE
ACROSS
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THE WORLD, AND IT'S HAVING
DEVASTATING CONSEQUENCES.
[408]
FOR INSTANCE, IT WAS
RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT THE
GRAMMY AWARDS
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HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY
POSTPONED. AND I CAN ONLY
IMAGINE THE LATIN
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GRAMMYS HAVE BEEN
POSTPUESTOS. BUT THERE IS
ONE AWARD SHOW
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THAT'S STILL GOING TO
HAPPEN: THE GOLDEN GLOBES.
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NOT THAT YOU'D KNOW IT.
THEY ALREADY WEREN'T GOING
TO BE
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TELEVISED BECAUSE NBC YANKED
THE GLOBES AFTER ACCUSATIONS
OF
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RACISM, SEXISM, AND GREED
WERE LEVELED AGAINST THE
HOLLYWOOD
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FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION.
AND NBC WILL NOT TOLERATE
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RACISM, SEXISM, AND GREED
FOR MORE THAN 15 SEASONS.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
BUT-- BUT--
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
THEY WERE FURTHER PARING
DOWN
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THE CEREMONY.
THIS SUNDAY, THE GLOBES WILL
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TAKE PLACE WITHOUT CELEBS,
PRESS, OR AUDIENCE IN
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ATTENDANCE.
WHAT?
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HOW?
HUH?
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THE GOLDEN GLOBES WITHOUT
PRESS OR CELEBRITIES IS JUST
A HOTEL
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BALLROOM FULL OF AUSTRIANS
WHO LOVE "EMILY IN PARIS."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
AUSTRIAN JOKES.
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AUSTRIAN-- PEOPLE OF AUSTRIA
JOKES.
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THE HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS
ASSOCIATION CLAIMS THAT
THESE
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CHANGES WERE CAUSED BY
OMICRON, BUT "VARIETY"
OBTAINED AN EMAIL
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THAT THE GLOBES SENT TO
SEVERAL PUBLICISTS ASKING
THEIR CLIENTS
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TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SHOW,
AND NO CELEBS HAVE AGREED TO
TAKE
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PART.
THEY COULDN'T GET ANYONE.
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EVEN MEL GIBSON.<i>
( AS MEL GIBSON )</i>
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WITH THE GOLDEN GLOBES.
THOSE PEOPLE ARE RACISTS."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST
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ANNIVERSARY OF THE JANUARY 6
INSURRECTION, AND MORE AND
MORE
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OF THESE TRAITOR JOES ARE
FACING TRIAL.
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AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT
THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S
"SEDITIONIST
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ROUND-UP ROUNDUP."
>> THESE BAD HOMBRES ARE
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UN-STABLE.
>> Stephen: FIRST UP ON THE
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COLLUDE RANCH IS BUFFALO
NATIVE, AND GUY WHO'S "JUST
HANGING
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OUT IN THE BUSHES, OFFICER.
NO LAW AGAINST THAT," TOM
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SIBICK.
SIBICK IS FACING MULTIPLE
FELONY
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CHARGES, MAINLY FROM
ASSAULTING CAPITOL POLICE
OFFICER MICHAEL
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FANONE.
HE'S STILL AWAITING TRIAL,
BUT
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THIS PAST WEEK, HE ASKED A
FEDERAL JUDGE TO ALLOW HIM
TO
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USE DATING APPS.
HIS DATING APP OF CHOICE?
[551]
O-K.K.K. CUPID.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
[552]
NEXT UP-- SURE.
WHY NOT?
[558]
NEXT UP IN THE CHICKEN COUP
IS FLORIDA NATIVE JEFFREY
REGISTER,
[563]
SEEN HERE ASKING A RACCOON
IN A DUMPSTER, "HEY, YOU
GONNA FINISH
[564]
THAT?"<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i>
[570]
IS REGISTER-- STORMED THE
CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6, AND
THEN A
[578]
FEW WEEKS LATER, SENT A TEXT
TO HIS DAD SAYING: WOULD YOU
SETTLE
[589]
FOR "MY KID IS ON THE
DISHONOR ROLE?"
[599]
AFTER SENDING THE TEXTS, THE
F.B.I. CONTACTED REGISTER,
AND
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HE LIED TO THEM AND TRIED TO
COVER UP HIS TEXTS AND
SOCIAL
[603]
MEDIA ACTIVITY BY DOING A
FACTORY RESET ON HIS PHONE.
[606]
UH... THAT'S NOT HOW IT
WORKS, BUDDY.
[610]
YOU ALREADY SENT THE TEXT.
IT'S LIKE SAYING, "I KNOW
[615]
THERE'S VIDEO OF ME BURNING
DOWN THE ORPHANAGE, BUT IF I
DID
[621]
THAT, HOW COME MY GASOLINE
CANISTER IS TOTALLY EMPTY?"
[623]
LAST UP AT THE NOT-O.K.
CORRAL IS PENNSYLVANIA
RIOTER AND
[624]
DOLLAR GENERAL JUSTIN
BEIBER, LEONARD RIDGE.
[630]
RIDGE IS 20, SO HE'S ONE OF
THE YOUNGEST DEFENDANTS IN
THE
[631]
CAPITOL RIOT.
SO RIDGE'S LAWYER ARGUES
THAT
[635]
THE JUDGE SHOULD BE MORE
LENIENT BECAUSE HE SPENT HIS
SENIOR YEAR
[639]
IN VIRTUAL LEARNING, AND HE
MISSED OUT ON "SENIOR SPIRIT
[641]
DAY, THE SENIOR YEAR PICNIC,
AND PROM."
[645]
HE MAY HAVE MISSED OUT ON
PROM, BUT THE THEME OF THE
[647]
INSURRECTION WAS
"ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE
SIEGE."
[650]
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR
YOU
[654]
TONIGHT.
"MEANWHILE!"
[658]
COME ON, IT'S "MEANWHILE!"
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