How To Rebuild Lost Trust In A Relationship - YouTube

You know no matter how hard we try, there's difficult things that happen

between us and other people. And Trust can be lost. Watch closely as I share

with you how to rebuild lost trust in a relationship.

Sooner or later it's going to happen. You're going to lose trust with somebody. And why

is that going to happen? Well, we're all human. This is either going to happen with a

friend, somebody at work, a neighbor, a child, your spouse, a family member. I

pretty much I think I just covered most people in the world, right? And sooner or

later, it's going to happen. And what do we do when this happens? Or when the trust

is lost? Is at the end? Is there no way to ever build it back? Or what...? What is it

that we do? Because I've met a lot of people in my life and I actually have

met people who have said to me directly, "That person can never regain trust with

me ever again, Kirk." Wow, I've heard that brutal statement from actually quite a

handful of people. And that's sad because if they we don't learn how to rebuild

trust, then there's no chances. There's only a certain number of things we can

do wrong and then we're just pretty much done for the rest of our life. I believe

people can change. I believe behavior can change. I believe

that if with training and practice and agreements and being with people, we

actually can improve our lives. I don't think we're all set and unstoned and

that's it and that's all you get. Because when I was growing up as a kid, I lost my

dad's trust. I've lost my mom's trust. Because I would

make mistakes. You know I'd tell them I was going to do something and then I didn't

do it or they gave me a responsibility and I failed miserably. I bet you've done

the same thing growing up. You know or even right now in your life. We all

forget and we all mess up and we all do things wrong. So maybe what we actually

need to do is get better at on how to rebuild this lost trust. So let's talk

about this. How to go about doing this? I got 4 steps for you that I think will

make a difference for you if

you're in the mindset of believing that people can change. If... And one more thing

before we start. If we believe people can change. what I think is I think that also

facilitates that we love people. And so by giving a person another chance and

another chance in another chance, it means that we care and we that we love

the person. I think it's a great place to come from.

Okay, so let's take a look at this. Number 1, communication. Whenever Trust is lost,

what we don't want to lose after Trust is lost is communication. Communication

actually needs to pick up a little bit more. I think the the lack of

communication creates loss of trust. So, to rebuild trust requires us to

literally step up the amount and the frequency of communication. I've got

3 boys that I've raised and still are raising, right? We always are

raising our children all through life. And along their travels, they've did

things where I trust levels were really really tiny. And I knew in that moment

that we had to pick back up on communication. And that means that we're

communicating more frequently and more clearly about everyday experiences so

that we can rebuild that trust. So, instead of letting communication go to

the wayside or cutting the person off and not having communication and

here you want to rebuild this trust, you start the communication. Don't wait for

the other person to start. Now, remember this is communication not interrogation.

It's communication. Number 2, connection. If we can desire and wish and want for

that connection to hold together, communication will bring in the level of

connection. And I believe it's also important that we we believe what we act

as though we want to maintain or rebuild a reestablish that level of connection

with the person. Connection means that we're willing to listen, we're willing to

talk, we're willing to sort things out. And emotionally, even though we may be

hurt, we still are including this person in our life. Number 3, is to talk

about what went wrong. Where were the glitches, where did it go bad. And now,

it's time to talk about what are the new agreements going to be. Because part of

rebuilding trust is coming up with new agreements. Now, a mistake that people

make is they do verbal agreements. A verbal agreement can get forgotten about,

it can be twisted. It can be totally rearranged in somebody's head about what

was said. And my suggestion to you is to put all agreements in writing. They have

a copy, you have a copy or it's posted somewhere about what they're going to do

and what you're going to do to help build this trust. But I've made this

mistake many times before where it was a verbal agreement. And now 2 weeks later,

1 of the 2 people either me or them, they forgot about what the verbal

agreement is. And they got it mixed up and now we have another level of trust

that's being broken. So, when you go to make amends and to reconcile what's

happened and these new agreements are coming up because to rebuild trust means

that there are agreements. And with an agreement can come some expectations. But

a expectation without an agreement is going to be a problem. So, remember that.

Before you can ever have expectations on someone, there must be a point you come

together where you both agree what needs to be different. And put it in writing.

The last one is to keep a positive story about yourself and about the person.

Because we can all dredge up enough evidence to literally talk bad about

somebody or talk down about somebody. That you can do to anybody. You can find

enough things wrong with any person to talk bad about them. And if

mad about them part of rebuilding trust is to think in a productive way about

the person. If this is your child or your spouse or somebody at the office that

this trust has been lost, we must put our minds in the right place that this is

going to be a better experience. Now, do we forget about what happened?

Well, we can let go of the pain of what happened little bits at a time is, its

time and it's necessary. And it's and it's that part of our life where we can

feel like we move past that. But we also we need to remember what behaviors are

actually being worked on. And so I can think positive about my son that he's

going to change, he's going to adjust, he's going to follow his new agreement that

he decided on. And I can project that kind of information towards him. Because

if I'm still thinking in a negative way towards my son while he's trying to

change a behavior to be better, I could be holding him back. And I've seen

spouses do this. I've mentored couples before where one spouse could not let go

of their negative thinking about their spouse. And their spouse is doing all

these changes and all these things that are different and better but that spouse

couldn't even see them. Couldn't even notice it. Because they

just kept telling the same negative stories over and over again and the

spouse didn't even have a chance of making a change. So, it takes both. A

positive story about yourself and a positive story about the other person.

Now, does that mean that we just you know, this positive story is going to make us

blind to the possibility that they can make more mistakes?

No. Positive stories actually helped us be more in tune. A negative story going

on in our head about people actually causes us to not be in tuned. We do not

need to tell negative stories to catch negative things. Negative stories

downgrade us. Negative stories hurt us. They drop our energy, it

drops our emotions, it drops our ability to be in tune. So, if you keep a negative

story inside of you about another person, you won't even catch what's going on.

Good or bad. So, my suggestion on number 4 is a positive story about yourself

and the other person actually is going to help you and it's going to help them. I

know that these four suggestions I just gave you are going to make a really big

impact in how you rebuild trust with another person. And if you don't think

it's possible to rebuild trust, a question I have for you is why don't you

trust yourself? Why are you not ready to move forward and rebuild trust? Every

person deserves another chance and like it says in the good book, you give them a

lot of chances. And I know it hurts. But that's part of life is loving and

forgiving each other. And we keep doing it over and over again until we all get

to figure this out. So, take these steps in rebuilding trust. And get into that

communication and that connection with them. Because wow, when things start to

improve, it feels so good. It feels so good. Well here at 3 key elements,

this is our mission. Our mission is to share great steps that really do work to

be able to help in situations like this where it's time to rebuild trust.

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