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How To Remain Calm(er) With People - Psychology & Stoic Philosophy - YouTube
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there are so many reasons to be angry
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we live in a culture that makes idealism
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its goal and a world that makes idealism
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impossible
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there is so much wrong with others with
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our self with the way things are
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we reside somewhere inside a brain
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watching and feeling its fervent
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insatiable efforts to try and make the
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world go its way and every day with as
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little as the sound of a car horn or a
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lost set of keys we are reminded that
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this is an impossibility
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that we are stuck between the awareness
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of a god and the temperament of an
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animal
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often anger just makes a lot of sense
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of course there are different types of
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anger different instances and sources
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different temperaments with different
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propensities toward it and arguably in
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many cases anger can be a very useful
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emotion it can be a source of insight
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into when we've been wronged when things
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are going poorly when we want change it
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can be a source of character of
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creativity of motivation of strength
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but in other cases arguably far more
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often it can also be a source of
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foolishness of miscalculation of regret
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of resentment of detachment from others
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and from ourselves
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we so often take personally what the
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world does without us in mind
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certainly we can be wronged in ways that
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are unjust targeted correctable or
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preventable and in these cases anger can
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and likely should be used as a source of
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motivation and force to recognize this
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stand up and defend ourselves but
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arguably more often we are wronged by
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the world in ways where no amount of
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angered force will help correct or solve
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it
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human existence is so unbelievably
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absurd and chaotic and strange it is a
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wonder it works in our favor at all any
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of the time
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we are lodged inside a clump of soft
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tissue that we don't even understand
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experiencing a reality made of particles
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that we can't perceive all made and
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governed by a universe that operates in
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chaotic contradiction to the meaningful
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order we so desperately desire the very
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same desire the universe forced onto us
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we were set up destined to have
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everything fall over and over
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we can tend to resist and reject any
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sort of softer acceptance and sadness in
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response to this and instead many of us
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can become calloused over with a sort of
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brute and frequent anger
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this has its place in purpose but at a
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certain point like a callous on the hand
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we can become numb and unfeeling less
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able to properly know and deal with the
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truer conditions of our circumstances
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those who are often angered reveal to be
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a strange sort of optimist still in
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denial of the tragedies of this life and
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the death of their youthful innocence
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the belief that life can be what it
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can't
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despite all evidence we are if we are
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this in some non-traditional way still
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hopeful hopeful that things should and
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will go well in our favor most of the
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time and thus we are constantly angered
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by life's incongruency
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we become angry about everything because
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we refuse to let ourselves be sad about
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some things
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a theory in psychology known as
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appraisal theory initially developed by
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psychologist magna arnold suggests that
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our emotional responses are in large
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part created by our conscious
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evaluations of events how we view
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interpret and label stimuli rather than
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the stimuli themselves
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in other words in between our primary
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experience of an event and our emotional
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experience of an event there is a
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filtering process that occurs through
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and based on our cognitive faculties in
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this space what we think based on our
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experiences perceptions views and values
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determines what we feel
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for example if we have a fondness for
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cats and believe cats are sweet and
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harmless seeing or holding a particular
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one will likely be a favorable emotional
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experience
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however for someone who believes cats
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are threatening or devious this
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experience will likely be a negative one
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the emotional responses will be
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completely different while the stimulus
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remains the exact same
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of course since our emotions are so
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wide-ranging complicated and partly
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rooted in consciousness a topic largely
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uncracked by science a comprehensive
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understanding of our emotions is still
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yet to be seen and this model remains a
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theory
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and even in the case that this theory is
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correct some of our appraisals will
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still likely be more unconscious and
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immediate than others making them harder
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if not potentially impossible to get
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into and control and perhaps sometimes
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for good reason
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however it is still fair to argue that
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in many cases often the more common
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cases the concept suggested by appraisal
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theory has immense value and practical
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use
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especially when we are angered
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frequently or remain angered for long
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drawn out periods of time there is
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likely large opportunity to change out
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our mental filter in favor of better
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more productive emotional experiences
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in the words of american author david
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foster wallace
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learning how to think really means
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learning how to exercise some control
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over how and what you think it means
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being conscious and aware enough to
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choose what you pay attention to and to
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choose how you construct meaning from
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experience because if you cannot or will
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not exercise this kind of choice in life
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you will be totally hosed
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this idea also coincides with principles
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central to the philosophy of stoicism
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for the stoics events in the world are
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objective and neutral and our
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qualitative emotional experiences are
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merely a product of the narratives we
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tell ourselves
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it doesn't hurt me unless i interpret
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it's happening as harmful to me
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i can choose not to wrote marcus
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aurelius
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perhaps what we need then during those
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moments of opportunity to reflect
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mindfully on events and determine our
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evaluations is to inject healthy but
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sufficient doses of a sort of pessimism
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and compassion
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when we believe the world is congenial
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and manageable in some just way when we
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think we are at the center of all things
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and all events in the world that happen
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to us happen at us when we neglect to
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consider that suffering and ignorance
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are fundamental to all people anger can
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and likely will eat us alive
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rather if we realize that the world has
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not singled us out then most people are
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good people trying their best that
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ignorance is far more often behind the
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curtain and not malice that our emotions
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are not the result of being made victim
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by others but by us not taking ownership
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of them ourselves
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that life is inherently difficult and
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suffering is fundamental to everyone we
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can perhaps at least at times more
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accurately evaluate if what we are
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angered by is worthy of being angry
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about and how
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of course none of this is to say that we
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should be or live an agreeable life in
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which our anger is always denied of its
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expression nor is it to say that we
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shouldn't have expectations and make
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effort to control and react to
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circumstances to the best of our ability
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but it is to say that often anger comes
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from a place that isn't angry about the
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thing we seem to be angry about that
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anger is often a liability and not an
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asset and that we aren't locked into
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falling victim to it by always letting
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ourselves think that we have personally
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been made victim by the world
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in the words of marcus aurelius
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understand at last that you have
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something in you more powerful and
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divine than what causes the bodily
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passions and pulls you like a mere
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puppet
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all of this might sound perfectly
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reasonable useful and insightful but of
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course that is until you get angry it is
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then that all of this likely sounds
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impossible nonsensical cheap or trite
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but perhaps it is then and for this
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reason especially that these ideas
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matter so much the fact that we can
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become so detached from our faculties of
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reason and wisdom and that anger can
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take us so far from what we truly think
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and want
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