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THE WORST PARTS OF EXPAT LIFE | The Not-so-Perfect Truth on Being An Expat - YouTube

Channel: Not Even French

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I've noticed that a lot of bloggers and

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people on Instagram make life in Paris look so perfect

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Salut YouTube this video is not at all

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intended to be negative or a downer but

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I wanted to do a video on the downsides

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of life abroad as an expat I think it's

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a little bit easy with a smokescreen of

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Instagram and 'how perfect my life is' and

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'look how much travel I'm doing, every

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experience is so enlightening' and all

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of those things can be true but there

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are also things that aren't that great

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let's be honest and I know that these

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are really first world problems to have

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like 'oh poor me I'm living abroad and

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there are things I don't like' but

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honestly it can be hard and I don't want

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to discount anyone's negative

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experiences either because being an

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expat isn't all roses. So firstly what is

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an expat? Well an expat compared to an

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immigrant for example as someone who's

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living abroad in a host country that's

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not their native country and it tends to

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have a temporary intention so it means

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that you know it may last one year, five

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years, ten years whatever it is but the

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idea in general with an expat is someone

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who's temporarily living in a new

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country with the intention that they may

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eventually move away to another country

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or they may return back to their home

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country so it's all about the intent

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whereas an immigrant is someone who

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moves to a country with the intention to

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live there for the rest of their lives

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effectively and so already in that

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mindset it's a little bit odd because of

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course you want to immerse yourself in

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the culture and the country and to

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integrate to the fullest extent but there is

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something always in the back of your

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mind which is a little bit like maybe

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I'll never really be one of them so

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already there's a little bit of a

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mindset thing that's a bit tricky being

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an expat but in terms of the things

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that can be actually really tough being

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an expat, I guess I'll start with something

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that really hits you when you first

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arrive which is that everything

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takes so much more effort than it did

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back home so just going to the

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supermarket trying to figure out what

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things are where things are maybe it's

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in a new language maybe it's tricky

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to read the labels but just little

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things like in France it took me ages

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to figure out what the equivalent of

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sour cream was until I realized that

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there wasn't really a direct equivalent

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and sometimes it's the smallest things

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you get to the end of a long day and

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you're like okay I did my grocery

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shopping and I went to the post-office

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and it took the whole day because

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everything just takes so much longer you

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need to do a lot of research just little

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things that you you think about that you

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would have never thought about like oh

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that person spoke to me in that way what

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does that mean or they looked at me that

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way what does that mean or like I need

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to find a hammer and nails where do I go

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like which stores sell them? I mean

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everything just takes a lot more time a

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lot more effort and it can be really

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tiring at first the second point and

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it's something that you need to get over

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pretty quickly if you really want to

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live long-term in a country, but you

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can't help but compare. It's really human

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to be like oh that's different

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oh that's new oh that's better oh that's

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worse to your home country and I think

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honestly I mean I feel sorry for the

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people around me because I talk about

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New Zealand a lot like oh and New

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Zealand it's like this and New Zealand

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it's like that and New Zealand we say

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this and i mean i think i mean at some

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point it's kind of like not 'get over it'

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but i mean you've got to kind of let

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your home country go a little bit so

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that you can fully just take life in

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your new country as it is because some

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things are gonna be better and some

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things are really gonna be worse and

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that's when you start getting into the

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cycle of like, you know, for Paris for

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example look like why are people so

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unfriendly here compared to New Zealand?

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Why is it that way? And you know if you

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get into that and you get upset by that

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I mean it's a vicious cycle honestly and

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there's no answer to it the answer is

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okay some countries just do things

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better or are better at some certain

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things or a better fit for you in certain

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ways on certain aspects and sorry but

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it's kind of like you either like it or

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you lump it and

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that can be quite hard to accept.

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Of course I'm not going to spend too much

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on the obvious around missing friends

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and family because that's just I don't

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really need to explain that that's

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pretty obvious but there is something

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that I wasn't really expecting around

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friendships which is that because you

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are establishing a new life somewhere

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else and you're trying to make friends

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and build contacts and you're investing

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so much time and energy into your new

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life so to speak what you realize is

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that back home you kind of have to just

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choose a few really best friends that

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you're going to keep in touch with

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because it's like you can't really have

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it all you can't try to actively and

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proactively have a social life in France

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and try and meet new people and go out

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and have new friends and be in touch

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with fifteen people back home every day

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it's just sort of impossible so I had to

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make the cut basically and I have my two

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best friends, sisters, in the world who I

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keep in touch with I try to keep in

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touch with basically every day.

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They're the non negotiables when I go home

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I'm seeing them. Then you have the

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next layer of that onion right like the

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people that you really like, like ex

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colleagues and old school friends and

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people that you'd love to catch up with

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and you'd love to see and you get along

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really well but you just can't really

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keep in touch with them maybe a few

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times a year and when you get home it's

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like if you have the time and it's

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really sad because as the years go on

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obviously these these friends become

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acquaintances and people you used to

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know and used to hang out with and I

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know that if I ever moved back I mean I

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could definitely pick things up with

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them but at some point you do have to

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let some people go a little bit even if

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it's temporarily because you just can't

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do both.

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The other downside is that in having

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the best of both worlds, so I have both

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New Zealand and France, I'm also always

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missing something. When I'm in France

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I'm missing the

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nature of New Zealand, the friendly

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people the laid-back attitude the easy

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life basically everything relaxed and

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and people laughing and happy and and

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that kind of stuff when I go back to New

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Zealand I'm missing the food in France

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the simple pleasures, the travel, the

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vacations, how cultivated people are, that

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you're talking about current events and

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politics and history and and these kinds

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of things that's sort of like you've got

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the best of both worlds but you're

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always missing something no matter where

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you are so I know that if we go back to

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live in New Zealand one day there'll be

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so much about France that we'll miss and

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it's the same vice versa and it's sort

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of like you can never have it all.

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Another upside / downside that's a

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little bit of a paradox but you grow and

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you learn and you experience so many

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things living in a new culture, new

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country, new language that you

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fundamentally change as a person it's

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impossible not to change, you'd be a robot

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if you were able to live in a country

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for five years and go back as

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as exactly the same person and

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everyone changes it's part of growing up

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we naturally evolve, I mean even if

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you're still living in the same town

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where you were born and you grew up I

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mean over time you will change a little

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bit but I think we can all agree that

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the change curve when you live abroad is

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like 'woop.' Your self-awareness and your

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emotional intelligence and your ability

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to relate to other people and your

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empathy for other cultures I mean I

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wouldn't give it up to the world but you

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go home and you realize that you're a

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little bit different sometimes that

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causes people to drift apart and that's

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part of the game. Another thing that's a

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little bit tricky after being an expert

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is that speaking to people from back

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home and you're talking to them about

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the things that you're doing and scene

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and travel and everything it's hard not

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to feel like you're bragging because

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life can sound so magical from the

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outside when we're talking about holiday

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destinations and we're like oh we'd like to go to

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Greece or would like to go to Croatia or

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something like that

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and people are just like oh my gosh! That

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seems relatively normal for Europeans

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but for New Zealanders I mean that's

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something from a dream like you must

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be millionaires like how do you do it

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like oh wow you guys really made it you

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know but over here it's kind of normal.

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And then on the other hand which is kind

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of the opposite problem and say you

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don't have the right almost to complain

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or be down anymore I'm I think it's

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particularly bad in Paris because Paris

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is such a hyped up City and I've noticed

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that a lot of bloggers and people on

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Instagram make life in Paris look so

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perfect it's so picture-perfect and

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there are downsides to living in the

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city as I'm pretty sure every French

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person could attest, right? I mean I know

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a lot of French people like I would

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never live in Paris

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sort of like if I try and bring them up

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if I need someone to talk to if

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I just want to vent about it if I just

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want to have a little bit of a moan and

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complain about it I just feel like I

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come across as so ungrateful or like

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there's something wrong with me like how

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could she not like Paris like what's

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wrong with her Paris is amazing Paris is

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perfect people would kill to live in

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Paris I think it's because it is so kind

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of hyped and maybe overhyped and it's

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such a dream of so many people you keep

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a lot to yourself actually and it can be

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pretty tough to to keep it all in sometimes.

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Anyways guys that's just what

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I had on my mind for this video of

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course these downsides will never take

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away from all of the richness that this

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experience can give you otherwise I

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wouldn't be here doing it but I think

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it's important to have this conversation

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sometimes and be like honest about how

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it really is or at least how it really

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is for me so thank you for listening

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thank you for watching I'm sure I'm not

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the only one so let me know down below

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if you've ever experienced something

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