Office Apology - SNL - YouTube

>> OKAY, IF I CAN JUST GET EVERYBODY'S ATTENTION.

I KNOW THINGS GOT A LITTLE WILD AT LAST NIGHT'S HOLIDAY PARTY.

BUT I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR, THIS IS STILL AN OFFICE.

AND WE HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE FOR ANY WORKPLACE HARASSMENT.

[ APPLAUSE ] ALL RIGHT, THAT BEING SAID,

UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE TO FIRE OUR VICE PRESIDENT OF SALES,

LINDA PILLARD. >> THANK GOD.

>> ALL RIGHT, AND ALSO OUR FRONT DESK GUY, CHARLIE.

>> AWE. >> NOT CHARLIE.

>> AND IF IT'S OKAY, THEY'D BOTH LIKE TO COME UP HERE AND

FORMALLY APOLOGIZE. COME ON OUT HERE, GUYS.

>> HEY, GUYS. I GUESS I HAD LITTLE TOO MUCH TO

DRINK LAST NIGHT AT THE PARTY AND ACTED LIKE AN IDIOT.

>> OH, YOU THINK? >> NOT THAT ALCOHOL IS AN EXCUSE

FOR MY BEHAVIOR. I THINK I MAY HAVE MENTIONED

SOME OF YOUR PAST INTER OFFICE RELATIONSHIPS IN FRONT OF

EVERYBODY. AND THAT WASN'T COOL.

AND I'M SORRY. >> IT WAS MORE THAN UNCOOL.

IT WAS HUMILIATING, LINDA. >> AND JUST TO PIGGYBACK ON

THAT, JANET, LAST NIGHT AFTER A LITTLE WINE, I THINK I SAID

SOMETHING TO YOU LIKE, "MM, MM, MM, GIRL, WHEN YOU GOING TO

BREAK OLD CHARLIE OFF A PIECE OF THAT?

AND THEN I SHOOK MY HEAD, DID A LITTLE DANCE, AND SAID, "DON'T

YOU HURT NOBODY WITH THAT THING."

>> OH, CHARLIE, YOU'RE SO SILLY. >> CHARLIE, YOU CRACK ME UP.

>> RIGHT. AND AMANDA, I GUESS I UPSET YOU

WHEN I MADE A COMMENT ABOUT YOUR DRESS BEING A LITTLE SHORT FOR A

WORK EVENT. AND I'M SORRY.

>> OH, YOU GUESS? WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE STILL A

RUDE ASS BITCH. AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GETTING

FIRED. >> YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. LET'S KEEP IT CLEAN.

>> AMANDA! I SAW THAT DRESS TOO.

AND AFTER A FEW OF THEM VODKAS. I THINK I MIGHT HAVE SAID

SOMETHING TO YOU LIKE, "MM, MM, MM, GIRL, THAT DRESS SO SHORT

ALL I SEE IS DONKEY MONKEY." THEN I DID A LITTLE DANCE.

IT WAS OUT OF LINE. I STAND ACCUSED.

>> OKAY, CHARLIE, DON'T START NOTHING YOU FINISH.

>> COME ON, GLEN. YOU CAN'T FIRE CHARLIE.

HE'S CHARLIE. >> I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS

EITHER, DAVID. BUT THIS IS ABOVE MY PAY GRADE.

>> OKAY. WHATEVER.

ANYWAY, DAVID, I VAGUELY REMEMBER THIS, BUT APPARENTLY I

WAS BEING REALLY OBNOXIOUS WHEN I KEPT ASKING WHERE YOU WERE

REALLY FROM. >> YEP, AND I KEPT TELLING YOU,

BOSTON, YOU RACIST. >> TO MY MAN, KUNG FU.

>> HEY, CHARLIE. >> LOOKIE HERE, MAN, YOU KNOW I

HAD A COUPLE OF THEM BOURBONS LAST NIGHT AND I MAYBE SAID

SOMETHING TO YOU LIKE, "MM, MAN, IF I WAS A GAY MAN, YOUR BOOTY

WOULD BE IN TROUBLE. BUT I'M NOT SO YOUR BOOTY ALL

RIGHT." AND THEN I DID A LITTLE DANCE.

I TOOK A BOW. AND SAID DON'T YOU HURT NOBODY

WITH THAT THING. >> CHARLIE, I REALLY NEEDED

THAT. THANK YOU.

>> NOTHING BUT LOVE, KUNG FU. >> WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW IS THAT NOT AWFUL? >> GLEN, YOU CAN'T FIRE CHARLIE.

IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS. >> TRUST ME, DID I EVERYTHING IN

MY POWER TO JUST FIRE LINDA TODAY.

>> WHAT? >> OH, JENNY, DON'T YOU WORRY

ABOUT ME, BABY. MAYBE I CAN BECOME THE GRINCH

AND BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE. BUT INSTEAD OF STEALING ALL YOUR

PRESENTS, I'LL BE STEALING THAT ASS.

AND IT WON'T JUST BE MY HEART GROWING THREE SIZES.

GIRL, DON'T YOU HURT NOBODY WITH THAT THING.

>> I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, CHARLIE.

>> WHAT THE HELL? IT FEELS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GOING

WAY EASIER ON HIM THAN ON ME. >> GET OVER YOURSELF.

IT'S CHARLIE. >> YEAH.

HE'S JUST A SWEET OLD MAN THAT HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

>> WE ALL DID. IT WAS A PARTY.

>> BUT HE'S STILL DRINKING RIGHT NOW.

>> BUT, WHAT THIS? OH, THIS JUST A SWALLOW TO GET

ME STRAIGHT. >> OKAY, THIS IS COMPLETELY

UNFAIR. >> GIRL, YOU ARE TOO FINE TO

BE -- WHY DON'T YOU LET OLD CHARLIE

LIKE A PAIR OF JEANS? >> WHAT?

YOU'RE DISGUSTING. >> OH, JUST TAKE COMPLIMENT.

>> YEAH, HE'S JUST BEING SWEET. >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT. MAYBE I DID GO TOO FAR.

IS THAT WHY I'M GETTING FIRED? >> ACTUALLY, THAT HAS NOTHING TO

DO WITH WHY YOU'RE GETTING FIRED.

HR SAYS YOUR URINE SAMPLE CAME BACK AS LIPTON ICED TEA.

>> OH, YOU NOTICE THAT. >> YEAH.

>> AND YOU PRINTED OUT PORNOGRAPHIC PICTURES ON THE

OFFICE COPIER AND LEFT THEM THERE.

>> OH, ALL RIGHT. SO IT DID WORK.

>> ALSO A WOMAN WHO IDENTIFIED HERSELF AS HER WIFE SPRAY

PAINTED CHEATER ON THE COMPANY VAN THINKING IT WAS YOURS.

>> WELL, I GUESS WHAT HAPPENS IN DeKALB COMES BACK NINE MONTHS

LATER.