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Divorce Lawyers Give Relationship Advice | Glamour - YouTube
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marriage is like the lottery you're
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probably not gonna win but if you win
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what you win is so great that it's worth
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trying it's worth buying the ticket and
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taking the ride
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[Music]
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you know 53% of marriages end in divorce
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in New York State so if I said to you
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there's a 53% chance that when you walk
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out the front door today you're gonna
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get hit in the head with a bowling ball
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you would either stay inside or at a
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minimum you would wear a helmet you know
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you buy a house they make you fill out
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50 forms explaining that you understand
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that let paint disclosures you
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understand the loan you understand
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everything you get married you can get a
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pamphlet you didn't get a piece of paper
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that says oh by the way you just did the
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most legally significant thing other
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than dying you'll never do the fact that
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you're entering into this significant
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legal contract but most people have zero
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idea what's actually involved in that
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contract and spend a lot more time
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figuring out what kind of cake we should
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have at the event is a really strange
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thing to me take marriage seriously if
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you want to be with a person who is
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social event very outgoing then don't
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marry someone who is a homebody this is
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who I want this is what I expect if this
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doesn't work for you then you may not be
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the right guy for me it's critical that
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those expectations are communicated
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early you're not going to change all
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that much just because you're getting
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married and the person that you're
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marrying is most probably not going to
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change all that much either I always
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tell clients you divorce the person you
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were married to because clients come in
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and they'll say you know in this shocked
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way I can't believe he's being so
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vindictive and I'll say well what was he
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like during the marriage and they say
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well he was vindictive you know I can't
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believe he's nickel and diming me on all
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the finances you say well what was he
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like with money during the marriage they
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said well he was the kind of person that
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would nickel and dime everybody okay
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well why would you think you'd be
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different during the divorce I think one
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of the most important conversations you
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need to have with your partner before
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getting married it is about your
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finances chewing a prenup forces the
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couple to have a conversation
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with a prenuptial agreement there is
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mandatory financial disclosure most
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people are out there making their own
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money and by the time they get married
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they have their own bank accounts and
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you know student loans or credit card
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debts and those are all sort of
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important things to know about the
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person that you're going to marry I
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think what a lot of us are looking for
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in someone to date is very different
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than what we're looking for in someone
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to marry you know I've had so many
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clients who for example their their
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boyfriend or girlfriend has a job that
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is so cool to have a boyfriend or
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girlfriend doing a musician a chef
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there's something very exciting about
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dating someone in that position but
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think about what its gonna be like to be
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married to someone in that position a
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chef who works really long hours late
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into the night a person who travels for
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businesses on the road you know 45 weeks
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of the year what makes for a good
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boyfriend or girlfriend and what makes
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for a good spouse or partner especially
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if you want to have kids this is a
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tremendously different thing much of the
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time when you represent people in
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divorce you see good people if they're
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worse so I've seen you know stay-at-home
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moms who in the middle of a court room
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you know throw something at their spouse
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the biggest mistake that people make
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when they're getting divorced is to make
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this into the winner and loser situation
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they get so caught up into standing
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their ground that they lose focus of
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what really matters and the collateral
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damage that's happening around them the
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key here is to keep your eye on the
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prize it's my job to take your hand and
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walk you through this path which is very
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scary but the goal is to get to the
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other side not to get stuck in the
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middle I don't think that you have as
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much drama unpredictable day-to-day
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experiences that you have in divorce and
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family law in a divorce lawyer has
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helped me figure out in my own marriage
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what I'm fighting for and what I really
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don't want to lose
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I've been a divorce lawyer for 17 years
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I still get teary-eyed at weddings if I
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was to say to people you know what they
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should try to hold on to is that sense
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of being this other person's cheerleader
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and being connected
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