THE NEW MARRIAGE CONTRACT | The Sex Talk with Jenoa feat. Dr. Frankie of LittleGayBook.com - YouTube

Hey there, this is Jenna, and I with dr.. Frankie on the sex talk so today. We're going to talk about

Does marriage work?

Does it work? I mean I've over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce

Right now there's a huge contingency of gay and lesbian people that are fighting fighting fighting to get marriage

Get all of the federal

Benefits that come with marriage which are very important, but really if we look at it does marriage work

Yeah, so you know in my practice?

I've been practicing [for] over a decade and I have found that a lot [of] [people] in longer term relationships struggle with just

You know being monogamous?

feeling like they have lost the

Momentum the energy the sexual tension the excitement and they feel

Sort of stuck where they love their partner, they're happy and [alive] they built

But there's this lacking and they're trying to figure out [well], how do we keep this going?

How do we make this work? I'm not feeling totally fulfilled is what I hear [from] a lot of my client is like

there's something missing right so recently I heard some talk about this concept of

Having a contract like a seven-year contract. I think they probably came up with that based on the seven year itch

So it's a contract that you can renew instead of thinking till death do us part that this is so unrealistic

I don't know where that well came from whatever some kind of

Religious tradition, but I don't think that's what is forever like how can you say forever that makes no [sense] to me?

I've never understood that I mean it's really kind of not that I just think it's not that realistic

Weird an archaic and and we're not property anymore. You know women are not property. We're also living much longer. Yes

Not forever longer. Do you good cause so what forever what up? Yeah?

I used to dye it like 35 I get married at 19

Step 15 and say forever, and then you'd be dead at 35 and work out just fine, right

What's a Likelihood right of you being there partner that you married or you started dating when you were during your early 20s

I um well not for me not for me know

So I really you know really got me thinking and I'm I don't think it's a bad idea because what it helps you do is

reevaluate like and not really

Hopefully not take things for granted and not feel stuck. You know like at that point at seven years

That's a good it's a good amount of time. You know you definitely get to know your partner pretty well in seven years

Yeah, you know and I mean there are still things that I'm learning about my partner

We've been together 10 and a half years so wow you know here and there. I'll fine like oh my gosh

I didn't know that about you, or I don't realize that you felt that way or sp

Surprising it is it else and it's interesting for me because I've had this is the longest relationship

I've ever been in and

It's really it informs me and the work that I do is my clients cuz I just say I can honestly say it's like

We it takes a really long time you really get to know somebody

And I think seven years yeah you have a pretty good sense of who this person is okay

The good bad ugly right now. Do you renew after seven do you like?

Do you have like a formal meeting at seven years and everybody knows they have a chance to renew or Deny the contract yeah?

I think it's like you know hellenistic. It's coming up. We're coming up on our seven years

Maybe come in and talk to somebody like me

You know a psychologist or a coach and sit down and say hey, we're coming up on it

And we want to kind of reevaluate and see where we are and so what about polyamory?

So if you if you don't want to do the seven-year contract, but you've lost it like is

Polyamory an option yeah, so you know I'm in my practice, and I can only speak for my experience in my practice

with couples that explore polyamory

violation ships multiple partners um

Which is open and communicated so there's it's not behind anybody's back

So it's you know care loving right polyamory is like you can love more than one partner

But for some it's having more than one partner that kind of thing um and you know for a lot of people

It's a real struggle. It's like it's a it goes

I [think] it goes against the way that we're wired right we tend to be you know to varying degrees

Jealous no fear abandonment. No real threatens

I mean, you know like no matter how evolved we are and having self like yes reflection or morning your time, right?

It's in hair. It's just part of our makeup. It's part of who we are as human beings. Yes

I think it's it keeps us safe

It keeps us up you know so you know I think that polyamory works for some people

But I think it's really really difficult for most people

And I think when they decide to do away with it and like move away from polyamory. It's because they're burnt are

trying to process and communicate and deal with

The feeling of just feeling unsafe in our label show all the time

I'm never quite sure what's going to pop up like is my partner going to be attracted to my best friend Natalie?

Oh, God, it's so much to work to do and the boundaries

You know it's like even though you communicate about you know your boundaries my boundaries

It's like we're different people

and it's the

Subtlety that like can get people really caught up like the subtle [differences] in my perception of what that boundary look like versus yours

So just there's so much to kind of focus on

I think people just get completely lost in all of that and have a hard time

Steering clear of stepping over a boundary okay, so I love this idea of new marriage. I love the idea of a contract um

What about having a contract every year could you do that? I mean you can make whatever rules

I think it's up to you. You know as an individual as a couple together. I think it would be

You know a good idea to discuss it and find

You know a certain number of time and length time that works for you know so I love this idea of new marriage

I love the idea of

Getting real about things that are real anyway, and actually talking about them, and you heard it here on the sex top