World's Fastest Pickups — Rivian R1T vs Ram TRX vs Ford Raptor vs Syclone — Cammisa Drag Race Replay - YouTube

You are looking at three of the fastest accelerating vehicles in the history of the world.

[No, seriously. How many of earth's 8 billion people have been in anything this quick?]

The whole idea of a fast pickup isn't anything new [foreshadowing!] but this this is some next level stupidity!

Good god that Rivian EXPLODES off the line.

This beautiful, luxurious (not to mention spacious) pickup truck just ripped off a quarter-mile run quicker than a Lexus LFA would have.

...without any of the Lexus's unsightly screaming. [Sarcasm]

2022 Rivian R1T Launch Edition 0-60 mph: 3.0 seconds 1/4 mile: 11.6 sec @ 111 mph [SAE J1349-corrected VBox testing results]

In the process, the Rivian R1T ripped off a 3.0-second 0-60, which means it would have been quicker than a McLaren F1. [To 60 mph.]

...and I know what you're thinking: "oh the McLaren F1 is rear-wheel drive..." (so it's relatively slow off the line)

Well how about this? Had there been a 1500-horsepower Bugatti Chiron next to the R1T,

and the old man driving that Bugatti forgot to put it in launch control,

the Rivian would have beat it [to 60 mph.]

Think about that when you turn around and you see the Ram TRX 165 feet back that way.

165 feet is like 2 tennis courts. Or 3 bowling-alley alleys ...or 18.355 table-tennis tables.

...and my mother says i don't know anything about sports!

[Hi, mom!]

Anyway, that 702-horsepower Ram was, until a couple of seconds ago, the most powerful and the quickest pickup truck ever made.

2022 Ram TRX 0-60 mph: 3.7 seconds 1/4 mile: 12.2 sec @ 110 mph [SAE J1349-corrected VBox testing results]

It is a 6900-lb apartment building on wheels that will dust a Ferrari F40 to 60 mph by a half a second.

[F40 Full Throttle Launch Burnout Goodness]

This thing's quarter mile time is about the same as the original R35 Nissan GT-R.

Godzilla and that Raptor are the same speed! Nuts!

Please don't feel too bad for the Raptor because a Raptor R is coming with a V-8.

That has a twin-turbo V-6 that makes a lot of horsepower — 450 of them — which, incidentally,

is about the same as that Nissan GT-R.

And that Raptor sounds the way the Nissan GT-R always should have sounded — and never did.

But it ain't enough.

2021 Ford Raptor 0-60 mph: 5.4 seconds 1/4 mile: 14.2 sec @ 94 mph [SAE J1349-corrected VBox testing results]

It's 356 feet back when the Rivian crosses the line.

Imagine losing a race by 356 feet!

Imagine running 356 feet!

I'd call a cab!

Make no mistake though — that thing is unconscionably quick.

It is a 6,000-pound off-road SUV* [ *if you're an idiot and don't know the differencebetween a truck and an SUV.]

with knobbly tires and 14 inches of suspension travel.... [ *or an idiot who can't tell 2" from 14", either.]

...that will dust a Volkswagen GTI down the quarter mile..

...and then it can turn around run over the GTI and its occupants won't even feel the thump.

And there you have it: Ford versus Dodge versus Chevrolet <ahem> Rivian!

We're missing General Motors. After all, GM started this.

The GMC Syclone was the quickest pickup truck in the world for almost 30 years.

With a turbo V-6, I think it's only fair to race it against the twin-turbo V-6 Raptor...

Bonus: the GMC will be driven by the very man who created the Syclone!

No that's actually him! Kim Nielsen! The father and creator of the GMC Syclone and Typhoon and all-around hero!

What do you want?

Simon: You missed a page. Go back.

Jason:What do you mean I missed a page?

You want me to do what?!

[Random footage of idiots putting GMC Syclone on a trailer attached to the Rivian R1T.]

Uhh, dumb question: Do we have insurance for this?

Not Our Insurance Agent: Don't know, don't care.

Jason: All right then!

[Under his breath, laughing nervously...] This is so stupid.

All righty, that was dumb. Also it was awesome, especially if you're Team Ram.

More importantly, what you just saw was a clear illustration of just how powerful that Rivian is.

Load it with 6,000 pounds worth of Syclone, trailer, and Kim, and it'll still beat the Raptor down the quarter-mile.

Butt the Syclone wasn't meant to sit on a trailer — it was Ferrari-fast back in its day.

and unless you're driving something that does 0-60 in the threes, I'd recommend not trying to race one.

Here's why.

Syclone = Latin for "acoustic nonevent," a romantic way of saying "silent but deadly."

So, what have we learned, other than "trucks are fast?"

Well, let's see: our insurance company is probably going to drop us which is ironic because we're an insurance company;

Uhhh, the fire and safety guy passed out; and I'm probably fired. Like and subscribe?

....but am I really fired?