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Prison Mike - The Office US - YouTube
Channel: The Office
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Michael: All right, everybody. There has been a lot of name-calling against our office today.
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Corporate maligning, slurring. Much of it coming from one of you.
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Who claims that prison is better...
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...than here. And none of us can say "Boo", because none of us have ever been to prison.
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Well,
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There's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison. Who can tell you what it is really like....
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I'm Prison Mike!
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You know why they call me Prison Mike?
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Angela: Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?
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Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, biatch?
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Everyone: Woah, woah, woah
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Michael: Ay, ay, ay!
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That's just the way we talk in the clink. But a lot of fun talk about prison today.
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But I am here to scare you straight.
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I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIGHT!!!
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In prison you are somebody's bitch!
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Oh and you, you, my friend, would be the bell of the ball.
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Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!
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Ryan: Michael, please.
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*kissing sounds*
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Jim: Where did you learn all of this?
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Michael: Internet.
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Jim: So not the prison?
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Michael: And prison...it's 50/50.
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But, look. Prison stinks, is what I'm saying! It's not like you can go home and...
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....recharge your batteries and come back in the morning and be with your friends having fun in the office.
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Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?
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Michael: I stole.
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And I robbed.
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And I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom.
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Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
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Michael: And I never got caught neither!
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Jim: Well, you are in prison...
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Pam: Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?
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Michael: Gruel.
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Sandwiches.
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Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel, plus you can eat your own hair.
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Andy: Wow...
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Prison sounds horrible!
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Michael: Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you Andy. Danks!
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Dwight: Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison?
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Angela: Don't encourage him, Dwight...
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Michael: The worst thing about prison was the Dementors! They...
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...were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they come down and they sucked the soul out of your body! And...
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it hoight!
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Karen: Dementors like in Harry Potter.
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Michael: No, not Harry Potter.
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There were no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft and cushy!
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This place is freakin' awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice!
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Everybody seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves.
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Nobody's, nobody's bitch! I hope that this scared you! And from me, Prison Mike, to you.
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I just want to thank you for listening to me.
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And letting me be a part of your life today.
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'Cause you got a good life!
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You got a good life!
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A good life...
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Michael: So, what do you think, it doesn't sound so great, does it?
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Pam: Wow.
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Thank you.
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Um....that must been hard for you to relive that. Both of you.
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Martin: Yeah, that.
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Wasn't really at all my experience...
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There's certain elements of what you've performed, I've seen on television.
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But it didn't remind me of my time in prison...
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Michael: Okay, okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great, all right.
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Well, here you go...
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Jim: Okay, Michael. C'mon, let us out.
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Michael: No, if you think prison is so wonderful, then enjoy prison!
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They are such babies!
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I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom.
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And if this doesn't bother them, then I'm out of ideas.
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*theme plays*
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