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Getting Close To the End and I am STRESSED. - YouTube
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[Music]
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hello everyone welcome to today I'm
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stressed I'm stressed I'm in Flynn's
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room for no reason it's just where I am
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we saw this room was empty and I was
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like I'm gonna go sit in there for a
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minute oh my skin is so itchy I've got
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some lotion here so I had a doctor's
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appointment today and it was good
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everything is good I'm good the babies
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are good it was also terrifying and I
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probably am not going to go into too
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much detail yet on why it was terrifying
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it wasn't terrifying because anything is
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wrong I am healthy the babies are
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healthy everything is good but it just
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is really looking like these babies are
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coming so soon and I'm stressed number
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one they're both breach which means both
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babies have their feets their butts down
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towards the exit and in order for me to
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deliver vaginally they need to go head
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first and there's not enough room in
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there and there's not enough time really
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at this point for them to flip around
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it's not likely my doctor was like I'm
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not gonna give you false hope twins like
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I don't think you're gonna turn around
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like you need to accept it's a C-section
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now so it's pretty much basically
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guaranteed it's going to be a C-section
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so I kind of already knew that but like
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to hear my doctor say it kind of
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definitively it was like oh okay now
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there's anything wrong with this section
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there's nothing wrong with the C-section
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so C-sections are amazing they're
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incredible I'm so grateful that they
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exist and they save so many lives they
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have nothing against C-sections it's
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just not what I know because I only know
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vaginal birth and I really liked my
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vaginal birth so it's scary to think of
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doing it any other way the other thing
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she talked about was how it's pretty
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likely they're going to be premature and
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have to go to the NICU she's like you
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need to start thinking about that and
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letting your brain go there and you know
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dealing with that now because once
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they're here you just gotta be like Mama
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Bear and take care of Flynn and to hear
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the babies and try to figure out how to
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split your time between the NICU and
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Flynn basically I was telling her that I
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what I've told you guys in the Vlogs
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which is like I'm sad I don't get to
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have that like experience where I give
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birth and then he's immediately put on
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me and then I get to like cuddle him and
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bond with him and skin to skin it's like
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with a C-section it's like is your baby
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take it away here's your baby take it
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away and um she's like it's actually
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really good that you're grieving that
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now and thinking about that now so that
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you're not surprised by it in the moment
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it's actually really healthy so that was
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nice to hear but we're waiting to hear
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back on some blood work I got this week
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and that blood work could determine how
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soon these babies are coming you know
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you never know you never know what's
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gonna happen with birth you can't plan
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or time out when you're gonna have
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babies like it's just gonna happen when
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it's gonna happen but my doctor seemed
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pretty confident that it's going to
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happen very soon and that was really
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stressful for me because like I was
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thinking like okay their duty is
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December 27th first I was like maybe mid
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December and then I was like okay maybe
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early December and then recently I was
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like maybe maybe the end of November
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like the last couple days of November
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and now it's like it could happen now
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it's like really stressful like
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literally it could be any day it still
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could be the end of the month I don't
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know my doctors seemed very much like
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she filled my Amazon cart like she
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literally took my phone and filled my
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Amazon cart on my phone with things I
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will need to recover from a C-section
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shin and things I need the hospital and
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she's like buy these today like I said
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you never know what's gonna happen and
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I'll fill you guys in more on like why
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it would be sooner than later another
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time I don't want to talk about it right
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now just you guys know babies are
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healthy I'm healthy everything's good I
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really have to pee all of a sudden oh my
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god oh okay so she also said my stomach
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is measuring like 37 and a half to 38
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weeks pregnant even though I'm only 32
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weeks pregnant that's why I'm feeling so
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miserable my body is at the stage of the
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end of a pregnancy like the last week or
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two of a pregnancy so that's why I've
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been kind of miserable so basically
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they're just like a lot of things to
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think about that's fun and stressful and
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exciting that we've got babies very soon
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but also very stressful there's that
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number two I got an email today saying
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they're starting work on the baby
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nursery tomorrow the room has to be
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gutted right now like it's the afternoon
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it's like four in the afternoon and we
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have to like get everything out of the
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room today now Cory I can hear him he's
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in there right now currently like moving
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all the boxes out and all the furniture
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but I feel super stressed because I
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really wanted the house fully decorated
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for Christmas before the babies come and
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I just got the tree in the Garland up
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like on the stairway like I wanted to do
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everything so much I wanted
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oh I hope Cory didn't just fall down
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there's just a lot to do so I'm a little
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bit stressed and freaking out it was a
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lot of information today at the doctor
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about these little muffins so his the
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baby boy's butt is way down here he goes
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up to like hearing his heads up here and
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the baby girl's head is over here and
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her feet are down here so like they're
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kind of like that like they're kind of
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standing up head to head like that so
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they can't come out the exit they got to
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be snippety snipped out there's a lot to
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think about okay bye hey guys
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not doing great I think this is just how
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Vlogs are gonna be until the babies come
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maybe I struggle with depression and
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anxiety when I'm pregnant so that makes
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for fun anxiety attacks and panic
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attacks and just sad moments and uh
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that's how I'm doing right now not great
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not great at all I think it's very
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overwhelmed I had the idea of having two
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babies very very soon and not having
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them in the way that I thought I was
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going down overwhelming and I'm stressed
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thought I'd show this side a pregnancy
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once again this side of pregnancy that
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is like hey sometimes women aren't like
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hunky-dory sometimes pregnant women are
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like I'm freaking out
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I'm stressed that's how I'm doing right
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now I thought I would let you know all
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right I'm gonna go cry and freak out
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some more see you guys a little bit
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later
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sometimes he'll lift up my tummy for me
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okay
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one more a little tip more oh my God oh
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my God are you kidding
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God that's what you're carrying around
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all day yeah
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too heavy you know it's too heavy love
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that's my new big badonkadonk and new
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big boobies still how you doing I'm
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tired it's been 10 seconds I can keep
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going for worst price when you let go
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this time is I let it go
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oh I'm so sorry
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yeah it's not fun uh
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oh Mr Flynn oh Flynn guess what did you
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know that you're gonna be able to do
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your very own truck Christmas tree do it
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your own truck Christmas tree yeah look
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do you see this tree over here that is
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baby Flynn's tree that's your tree and
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we can fill it with trucks you wanna
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fill the trucks with me should we do it
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[Music]
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so look you can take your ornaments this
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one can you put on your Christmas tree
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this is Flynn's tree
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oh that's a good spot good job what are
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you gonna do next
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we're gonna put it
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gonna put that one on yeah
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pretty cool
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it's a good spot
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almost I don't know Daddy can help you
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from the top Bubba nice guy there you go
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you did
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another one yeah Daddy might need to
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help him with this one because this
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sounds kind of weird
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okay
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good choice good choice dude
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this is so fun yeah this is your tree
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Flynn what this is your tree
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what the heck and then on Christmas
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we'll put all your presents underneath
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it is that a good idea
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Focus perfect
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some of them don't have hooks on them
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yet Daddy might need coffee because I
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have a hook on it yeah
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[Music]
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beautiful
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[Music]
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yes I'll put a hook on it for you is
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that what you want you're getting good
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okay
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cool cool dude good job Flynn perfect
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perfect
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it's perfect that's a good one should we
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take that paper out there oh yeah okay
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beautiful I like that one because it
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Sparkles that's a good one that's my
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favorite one hi beautiful beauty queens
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oh how was English hi beautiful beauty
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queens welcome to a tiny tortilla talks
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let's get into your questions I am
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reading the comments for my Vlog
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yesterday if you want to ask me a
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tortilla question you can do so just
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down below in the comment section and
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we'll see if I answer I'd see Tron it's
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a tortito question is there a particular
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reason why Flynn calls Corey Coco was it
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something Corey picked or did Flynn just
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come up with it just curious love you in
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your Vlog I think fun just came up with
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a Flynn had names for everything when he
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was the one I'm learning to talk he
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called cars dardars he called water he
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called food Nana he called cookies
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doodoos and everything was like a double
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word you know and it was Coco almost
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Cory and it just seems to be like the
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only thing that still sticks with him
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except he still calls videos like if he
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wants to watch a YouTube video he'll
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call it a roro still so roro and Coco
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have stuck and I love that he calls Cory
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Coco I think it's very cute he doesn't
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know his name is Corey like he'll also
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sometimes so like hey Corey and we're
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all like
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it's really weird when it calls on Corey
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this is just such a nice comment this is
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from doll mister I'm sure I said that
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wrong I'm sorry tortilla compliment from
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woman to woman I never ever post on
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YouTube but I've stumbled upon your
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Vlogs only when you got pregnant with
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the twins and I've been a fan ever since
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your sincerity spontaneity courage and
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pure Miracle of Life that you are
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carrying makes my days and my heart
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jiggle we're all rooting for emo and
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bear but please don't go up that ladder
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anymore hugs and kisses from Germany I
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love you I want to give you a hug it's
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so weird to think that like there are
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people watching me cry and look like
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this it'd just be a total hot mess all
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over the world like in Germany like tell
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me today in the comments if you leave a
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tortilla talk question say where you are
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because that's like interesting to me to
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know where everyone is a lot of the
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comments are about how Eric said no
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Glitter and then I agreed to know
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glitter but then I still got glitter
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okay listen I got 80 less glitter than I
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do normally so like I actually did make
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a huge Improvement okay I've seen a lot
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of questions asking about my diet and
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gestational diabetes and all that so I
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haven't talked about it because I had a
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panic attack about it a few weeks ago if
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you guys remember I realized that that
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is a topic that is
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um very triggering and sensitive for me
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and so I had to set a boundary for
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myself to stay insane I just decided
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like I don't want to talk about it
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online and there's nothing against you
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guys it's all me and my brain and I just
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don't deal with it well when people
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criticize or Give opinions on what I
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should or should not be eating when it
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comes to food Foods a really sensitive
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topic I think it is for everyone but
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especially people who struggled with any
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sort of an eating disorder in any way
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it's it's sensitive and there's a lot of
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things that are sensitive with pregnancy
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and I don't even want to go into this
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too much because it is such a sensitive
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topic but just to be transparent I went
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to the doctor today and got weighed and
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I never look at the scale but they said
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how much I weighed out loud and I'm just
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gonna be completely transparent with you
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guys I've gained 65 pounds since I got
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pregnant there's nothing wrong with any
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weight big girls average size girls
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small girls it's all perfect it's all
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beautiful but it is something that like
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from my childhood and my upbringing and
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the societal pressures that I have had
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in my life to hear that I've gained 65
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pounds in eight months it's like
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shocking and it's the same amount I've
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gained when I was pregnant with Flynn
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but it still was like that sounds like a
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lot more than I should have and I start
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judging myself because if you read
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online you're only supposed to gain this
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much and blah blah blah and I just don't
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want to open myself up to criticism or
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people saying what they think I should
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do with my body or the things that I
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should or shouldn't eat you know what I
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mean so it's just a really sensitive
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topic so I've kind of set a boundary for
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myself with that I have had to change my
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diet I never went and took the second
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gestational diabetes test where you find
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out for sure if you have it instead I
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prick my finger multiple times a day I
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just make sure my numbers are where
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they're supposed to be and I eat what I
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need to eat and I also allow myself
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moments of indulging in things that
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taste good that's all I'm going to say
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about it and I don't talk about it more
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because I do get really sensitive and
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really upset about the whole situation
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and I Know Myself and I can't handle
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people telling me what I should or
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should not be doing it's not for sure
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that I have gestational diabetes I could
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maybe have had it or have it and we're
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just trying to change my diet as much as
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we can just making sure that my numbers
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stay where they need to stay if that all
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makes sense but I'm probably not going
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to talk about it again just because
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that's something that is hard to talk
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about and is sensitive for me and uh
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yeah that's where I'm at oh my gosh baby
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boy I just like did kung fu fighting
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okay this is an interesting question
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that I actually had to ask my OB GYN at
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the beginning of my pregnancy tortilla
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question you kept saying his water like
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talking about my son's water breaking it
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is not broken right now his water does
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that mean mean their water will break at
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two different times because they each
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have their own Sac thingy of amniotic
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fluid will break at the same time
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normally people say oh my water broke
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like with finite that's what I said when
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my water broke I was like my water broke
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but these babies have their own sacks of
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water if I say my water broke it's weird
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because there's two different babies
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with two different stacks of water it
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would be his water broke or her water
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broke but isn't that so weird to think
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about like I could have two waters
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breaking I don't think that will happen
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and also asked my doctor to say what if
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her water breaks she's on the top and
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then the water can't get out because
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he's blocking it she's like that's not
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gonna happen and I was like but what if
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it does and she's like it's not gonna
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happen Colleen I love you guys and oh I
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wanted to say one more thing so when I
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was having my mental breakdown today I
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fully had a panic attack but I found out
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about Wicked Corey texts me was like oh
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my God look at Ariana's gonna be in
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Wicked but also Cynthia is going to be
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in it too and she is so incredible and I
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was like having this like major meltdown
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and I was so excited that they were
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announced that they're going to be in
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the movie Wicked and so I wanted to go
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back and watch Cynthia sing I'm here
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from The Color Purple because it's like
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the most incredible performance in the
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world and every time I watch it I cry
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you guys the lyrics I was just like I
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needed to hear it because I was like
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crying and just felt like so stressed
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and scared about everything and
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obviously the context of the show is
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much more intense and much more I'm not
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close to what I'm going through like
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when I'm going through is nothing
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compared to that but the lyrics I just
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even oh my God you guys so good however
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she goes
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[Music]
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take a deep breath
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gonna hold my head up I'm gonna put my
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shot
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back and looking straight
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I'm gonna flirt with somebody
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when they walk by I'm gonna say
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sorry this is bad singing
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and the music changes I believe I have
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inside of me everything
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that I need to live a bountiful life and
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know love a lot
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of me I will stand as tall as the tall
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mystery and I'm thankful for every day
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that I'm giving both the easy and the
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hard ones I'm a little living
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there but most of all oh I've gotta
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sneeze
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I'm thankful for
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love and who are we
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him
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I'm beautiful
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yes
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I'm beautiful
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and
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I'm here
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get out of here with those lyrics I was
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weeping and hearing her sing it with the
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most perfect incredible you guys
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literally please go watch the Youtube
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video of Cynthia singing I'm here from
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The Color Purple on Broadway it will
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change your life it is the most
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beautiful breathtaking performance in
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the world that show is so good but it
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really helped me get through tonight
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musical theater once again saved the day
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for me tonight
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um and that's all I want to see about
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that
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[Music]
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thank you
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[Music]
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