7 Things Men Do To Ruin Their Lives | The Bedros Keuilian Show E023 - YouTube

Channel: Bedros Keuilian

because a man
who is settling into a profession and
not pursuing their life's work is a man
who was slowly committing suicide
welcome to the bedrose coolian show
what's Happening friends welcome to
another episode of the bedrose coolian
show and today we're going to talk about
seven things that men do to ruin their
lives but um before we jump into that I
want to share another story with you
guys I told you guys probably a few
episodes ago the story of when I worked
in a gay club and a drunk gay lesbian
beat the [ __ ] out of me and I was just
bloodied by the time I kicked her out so
here's another story for you something
probably not as funny but definitely a
cautionary Tale
how the wrong friends can lead you down
a wrong path but um here we go so
believe it or not I was once involved in
a police helicopter chase and I was the
one in the car trying to get away from
the coppers well one of the things we we
did me and a few friends is we realized
that people have possessions in their
homes that are valuable that you can
take to a pawn shop and
basically Pawn them for money and the
pawn shops back then at least I don't
know how they do it now but they don't
say [ __ ] well this one time they go into
the house and within like 20 seconds
they come running out to my friends come
running out actually three of them if I
remember correctly I almost mentioned
name of one of the dudes but I'm not
gonna do that three of them came running
out and uh they're like drive drive so
they jump in the truck I start driving
and I think we're free and clear and
before you know it I see a helicopter
and it seems like you know each time
like a left-hand turn it kind of turns
left before I make a right-hand turn
it's kind of tracing me and tracking me
and then I look in my mirrors and I see
what looks like unmarked police cars
um two one on either side of me but kind
of a car two behind right I'm like all
right guys I think the coppers are on to
us so we're gonna try and get away well
you've got a 79 Toyota pickup you ain't
getting away right in Southern
California you know if you have a fast
car you can probably hit the highway and
and hopefully try and get away without
causing any damage I've got a 79 Toyota
pickup the year was like early 90s ain't
no way I'm getting away so my strategy
was all right guys I'm gonna drive into
this gas station as soon as I drive in
I'm gonna stop put the truck in park and
uh we all need to just run out different
ways because they can't catch us all and
if they do catch one of us or any of us
then we just have to keep our mouth shut
so that's the strategy and of course as
luck would have it as soon as I pull
into the into the uh gas station the cop
cars just come and slam my doors so I
can't open my doors and you know come
out with guntron and they empty the
truck and um there you go now here's
what happens next
um that that was a big fork in the road
in my life and I want to share this with
you and this is in line with what I'm
going to kind of share with you guys
today the seven things that men do to
ruin their lives
Well turns out there was this little old
lady who lived in this house right which
really sucks man like I I especially
didn't didn't want to scare freak out
anyone and we had no intention to be to
use any violence against anybody the
idea was to go into an empty house steal
some [ __ ] take off go to a pawn shop
well lo and behold
another cop car brings her
and so now they've got all of us sitting
kind of on the hood of another cop car
and she's inside of this other cop car
maybe about 10 15 yards in front of us
and she's pointing out three of my
friends and nodding her head yes as
though she recognized him she recognizes
him she recognizes him and then she
points to me and then kind of shakes her
head no like I don't I don't recognize
that guy it was because of that that was
the fork in the road for me that my
friends ended up going to jail
and I ended up going free that day and
that day I was like you know what this
is it it's over and so I share this with
you because those of you that are
parents uh you got to know where your
kids are at even when they're teens and
I love my mom and dad they brought us
here from from the Soviet Union and they
risked their lives to bring us to an
amazing country
but here's what happened next they
really didn't instill any core values in
me right it was just one of those things
go to school shut your mouth we're busy
trying to you know make money and put a
roof over your head which I totally
understand and respect
but guess what Idle Hands Are The
Devil's Playground and so I wasn't in
any sports I didn't have any core values
my grades were poor no one ever
corrected me to tell me to get my grades
right and so I ended up hanging out with
the wrong dudes and that led to that
particular day in my life where I could
have ended up going to jail
but thankfully
things worked out in my favor where she
wasn't able to identify me and um I made
the commitment that day that I'm going
to be a very different type of person
and so that is that story there but um
today I want to talk to you guys about
seven things that men do to ruin their
lives and this is a really really a
byproduct of you know for gosh 18 years
now I've been coaching entrepreneurs of
all walks of life
across many different Industries
dentists doctors guys that own solar
um you know internet marketers coaches
coaches people that came from NFL and
and uh who who stopped you know
professional sports and decided to
become entrepreneurs and needed business
coaching like I've coached every Walk of
Life dudes from the Special Operations
community of all all branches of the
military you name the entrepreneur I've
coached and through the project
I get to see a lot of men you know we've
run now 16 classes and I get to see a
lot of men come through the project and
during those 75 hours as I talk to them
and get to meet them and understand and
hear their stories I realize there's
some common threads that ruin a man's
life and every single one of these are
things that men do to themselves to end
up ruining their lives and I want to
share these with you as a not only as a
cautionary Tale But as an opportunity
for you to go holy [ __ ] I'm doing this
and I need to fix this or if you have a
and you know that son needs to hear some
of the stuff that I'm sharing with you
here either let him listen to this or
instill this message in him because the
things I'm going to share with you here
are going to serve as a cautionary tale
and an opportunity for you to right the
wrong in your life or in the life of
someone that you love right so let's
jump into it thing number one choosing
the wrong spouse in fact they've done
studies on this over and over again and
the number one determining factor of a
man's success is who he chooses as a
wife and the reality is this when you
choose someone as a wife are you
choosing someone who is going to be a
believer in your dream who's going to
advocate for you who is going to be the
wind in your sails who is going to be
your support system and hopefully you're
going to do all of that for her as well
right or are you rescuing someone are
you the type of man who is the Captain
Save A Hoe for a lack of a better term
are you trying to rescue her from
because she's broken she's damaged and
and she is co-dependent on you and it
feels good in that moment while you're
dating her so next thing you know you
put a ring on it and then she is chaotic
she is sporadic she is not a supporter
of your dreams she is emotionally
Reckless and therefore every time you
try and launch a business you try and do
something great you try and live your
life's purpose
you have to deal with the chaos that is
your spouse right now obviously this
goes the other way as well you know how
many women try and marry men who are
just like their dads who were broken who
were mean who were angry who were
[ __ ] so they are attracted to that
kind of man because they want to fix him
and they realize that they are now
living a life of
just unsatisfactory life right you don't
have a modern day night as a man they
don't have a man who's a great protector
who's a provider who is a gentleman and
they're like [ __ ] man I didn't sign up
for this well you kind of did you made a
choice so choosing the wrong spouse is
one of the determining factors of
failure in fact the number one highest
determining factor of failure so this
doesn't mean I don't know what you need
to do like if you're like holy [ __ ] bro
you just described my wife like she does
not support me she's chaotic she drinks
and then we end up arguing and you know
I want to do this but she wants to do
that I want to be 2.0 she's comfortable
being 1.0 guess what bro help her level
up right every human can change every
human can change and if you really love
her if you really want to be with her
then you would find a way to introduce
her to self-development personal
development maybe she needs to work with
the therapist I've worked with the
therapist for 15 months going through my
[ __ ] right on [ __ ] myself and so
maybe you need to do the same thing
with your wife and invest in her and let
her know that you support her and you
want her to become 2.0 now at some point
if the answer is no I don't want to then
you're going to have to make a decision
is this a woman that I want to be with
and if it's not then you're going to
have to make a decision thing number two
Vice dependency right
let's face it it's a lot of vices out
there and some of them come off as very
harmless right the occasional drinking
the uh Hey I just smoke weed
just watch a TV show every now and again
or I just watch you know Sports all
weekend long but how much of that those
little vices are there to help you
and to help you cope with your reality
like I get it even though I quit social
drinking recently and in fact what I
didn't share with you guys in the video
a few episodes ago
um the podcast a few episodes ago when I
told you that on November 12th of 2022 I
quit social drinking right I was never
an alcoholic I never had an issue or
dependency with alcohol but I realized
every time I drink a couple of cocktails
three or four times a year
I don't sleep all that night I get
indigestion I get heartburn the next
morning I wake up and I'm fuzzy headed
and I'm a little foggy and I almost like
a slight hangover and I was like why am
I doing this right so that same day then
I quit to that I committed and quit
drinking alcohol and I was like you know
That's it man I'm done with this well
what is the other thing that I might
have a
codependency on and that other thing for
me was weed right every now and again I
would either smoke a joint or eat some
you know three milligram gummies before
I fall asleep to help me sleep better
but I realized you know that too is a
vice that too is a level of dependency
even though it's mild I didn't want it
because I want to be able to control my
faculties fully and completely and so
because of that I decided to quit all
vices now those vices show up as a vape
pen you might be like bro my vape pen is
no no it is something it is a dependency
it is something that is incongruent if
you wouldn't want your son or your
daughter picking up the vape pen
if you wouldn't want your son or
daughter drinking occasionally if you're
going to want your son or daughter to
you know smoke weed occasionally or eat
a gummy occasionally if you don't we
don't want them to binge watch
television in exchange for you know
bypassing their life's purpose because
they watch so much TV that they slept in
and they didn't they didn't focus on
their work and they didn't focus on
their Fitness and their mindset right
there's so many vices vices show up as
gambling oh we just went to Vegas and we
gambled well
is there better things you can do with
that money
doesn't gambling create dopamine hits
because of a factor called variable
response variable response mean am I
going to win this hand am I going to win
this hand or if I pull the slot machine
am I going to win this am I going to win
this role no I didn't but I almost got
close to winning I had a 19 they had a
20. the next one is going to be a 21 for
sure that's called variable response and
you get these dopamine hits from
gambling so never mind the fact that you
might potentially lose a lot of money
and I get it like hey man when you
gamble maybe you have a limit and it's
fun I'm not saying don't have fun but
I'm just telling you
if you are conditioning yourself to get
dopamine hits from things that are not
necessarily related to achievement
hard work
you know thinking through a problem uh
launching a business building a business
serving your family in your community
if you're getting cheap dopamine hits
from booze and weed and television and
food and alcohol and pornography
is it really worth it right these are
Vice dependencies now on the flip side
look if you are straight up addicted to
pornography if you're addicted to
gambling addicted to food addicted to
nicotine addicted to alcohol drugs like
you got a bigger [ __ ] issue like you
are an incongruent person with the man
that you want to be am I right
like every single one of us inside
through Consciousness we know exactly
the type of man we want to be like you
know exactly the type of man you want to
be the core values you want to carry the
character you want to have how you want
to show up how you want to articulate
how you want to look how you want to
how you want people to perceive you
and if you are incongruent with that
because you have these dependencies on
then you might as well get rid of them
because this is thing number two of the
stupid things that men do to ruin their
lives because all of these things on a
micro scale is a non-issue on the macro
scale over years and then decades is how
you ruin your life is how you look back
when you're in your 40s 50s 60s 70s and
that man this is who I was supposed to
be but instead I'm way over here
of these micro decisions I made
to get addicted or to at least get
dependent on vices that didn't serve my
thing number three that men do to ruin
their life is they settle in a
profession they settle in a profession
and they don't pursue their life's work
they go well you know I've got a wife
I've got a kid so I need to create this
income I need to get a paycheck coming
in on a consistent basis and it comes
with health benefits and vacation pay
and I get it 401k and all that stuff you
settle in in a profession that you're
not necessarily excited about I'm not
saying like quit your job tomorrow and
put your family and your livelihood at
risk but what I am saying is if you're
doing something and you're in a state of
just being this robot coming in and
mindlessly working for an organization
that you don't necessarily get value
from that doesn't necessarily fill your
what can you start doing on nights and
weekends to start creating that
purpose-driven work
to start figuring out what you want to
either by working for another
organization that is more aligned with
your life's work and purpose or creating
your own business that is aligned with
your core purpose
because a man
who is settling into a profession and
not pursuing their life's work is a man
who was slowly committing suicide I am
convinced of that
the slowest form of suicide the slowest
form of death is to be doing something
as a vocation that is not your life's
work or passion or purpose
and it is just there to make money and
to feed your family and put a roof over
their head I get it as commendable and
but man it sure is a great way to ruin
your life in the long term so use those
nights and weekends while everyone else
is watching football and getting getting
stupid watching television or doing dumb
[ __ ] at night you ought to be the one
doing the work on your life's purpose to
be able to go man I love working for
this organization like maybe if you're a
big Elon Musk fan maybe you ought to
figure out how you can work for Tesla or
SpaceX or whatever right like that
doesn't mean you have to go and start a
business start a company and put put the
risk out there I am convinced that not
everyone needs to be an entrepreneur I
can tell you that right now not everyone
on this planet needs to be an
entrepreneur not everyone is cut out to
be an entrepreneur in fact a very small
percentage of humanity is cut out to be
an entrepreneur the risks that comes
with it however what are you doing to at
least work in an organization that is
aligned with your core values
where you like look forward to coming
that that compensates you well
has an opportunity for you to grow both
in title and recognition and pay
think about that and if you're not doing
you're just that rat on a hamster wheel
and how long are you going to do that
before your fire is completely
extinguished right
number four
of seven things that men do to ruin
their lives
they complain
listen I'm not saying that you should
internalize everything but I am saying
if you're the dude that complains
and adopts this victim mindset but you
don't do anything about it
then you deserve the suffering that
you're experiencing
you cannot complain about things
complaining about things all it does is
it's like throwing oxygen on fire right
so to be
to be unhappy about something is very
reasonable to complain about something
is reasonable
to complain and be unhappy and not do
anything about it is stupid it is being
a victim and I know you my friend are
not a victim
and I can tell you this right now
people around you aren't going to tell
you but if you're like man why do people
not want to hang out with me why do
people kind of distance themselves from
if you're that low tone low energy
complainer victim mindset dude that's
just kind of every time people go hey
man how's it going you're like oh you
know hanging in there you're the hanging
in there guy hey how's it going bro
hanging and hanging think about that
little saying everybody stops that
[ __ ] saying but hanging in there I
just picked her someone off a cliff
white knuckling holding on just hanging
in there man I'm just hanging life is
not meant to be hung in there life is
meant to be experienced life is meant to
be enjoyed life is meant to be
challenged life is meant to have
suffering and adversity but all of life
should not be suffering and adversity
there is joy and fulfillment and
significance in life and if you don't
have it if you're just hanging in there
what the [ __ ] are you doing man you're
slowly putting out your fire and by
complaining to everyone and I'm hanging
in there man you know thank God it's
Friday thank God it's the weekend don't
be like that man don't be that person
because soon you end up being the Eeyore
you know like Winnie the Pooh e or that
little depressed sad pathetic donkey
hey Eeyore what's going on oh I don't
know you know just uh getting by who the
[ __ ] wants to hang out with that man not
me not you so [ __ ] flip the switch
and do something about it thing number
five that men do
to ruin their lives
it is not sticking with the [ __ ] that
you say You're Gonna Do not finishing
what you start
when a man does not stick to the things
that he says he's going to do like you
got a business idea and then you launch
it and before you start making money and
it starts getting traction you just let
it go and you mob you know idea Fairy
comes and you go on to the next thing
that's [ __ ] stupid bro you're
creating a pattern in the habit each
time you start something and you don't
finish it one you're losing credibility
with yourself you're losing your own
reputation you lose reputation with
yourself and others people go wow that
guy has a failure to launch every time
he starts something he tells everyone
he's got a new idea he's about to make
this change he's about to lose weight
he's about to improve his marriage he's
about to stop drinking he's about to
start making money he's about to impact
the world and then you stop
you stopped before that thing happens
here's a rule that I have when I start
something I finish it now if people that
I that I trust and I love and I admire
my advisors are like hey betroth that's
a stupid idea right uh tap dance shoes
for pigeons was a stupid idea Beatrice
how did you think of that and why did
you create that that will never work and
it comes from people that I love respect
and and and and and take their advice
yeah I'll stop that for sure
but if something has the ability to be
successful but I just stop it and I
don't stick with it because it's hard
because it's difficult because the going
got tough all of life
comes with its sets of adversities and
setbacks and speed bumps that is how
life tests you to see if you are worthy
of Happiness of success of Financial
Freedom of abundance of Love could you
imagine if like the very first chick you
met was like a 10 across the board on
fit beautiful
like a lady in the streets a freak in
the bed
no that ain't gonna happen bro that
ain't gonna happen
you have to go
and interview and date
enough women until you find the one that
you Jive and connect with because they
align with your core values right and so
that it's the same thing here
if you're willing to do that in your in
your in your relational life why not do
that in your rest of the part of your
life like like why have a short
attention span where you start something
and you don't finish and soon you create
this pattern and people get to know you
as the person that starts and never
finishes like the false start guy I
never want to be the Fall start guy I
have a rule for myself when I start
something I finish it unless an advisor
or two who I trust love and respect
tells me it's a bad idea
and then I just move on dump it don't
think twice about it even if I lost a
lot of money and that's happened to me
thing number six
that men do to ruin their lives
and it is when they don't have core
values they have no non-negotiables they
don't have a line in the sand and here's
what happens when you don't have core
values when you don't have
non-negotiables you begin to just kind
of agree with everything
I heard Jordan Peterson say this once he
said he and his wife have a rule and the
rule is this that they will never agree
to something
if they don't agree to it isn't that
brilliant they will never agree to
something if they don't agree with it
in other words if my wife was like Hey
man uh we should go to Europe and and
see this this castle and take that tour
and do this and do that and I'm like man
if I go to Europe I just want to be able
to chill for 10 15 days I don't want to
take all these tours and move to 10
different hotels over 10 10 days but I
agree to it reluctantly because I didn't
Stand My Ground
guess what you become the slippery slope
where you're just this pushover
and over time you begin to build
resentment towards all the people that
you agreed with
but you secretly didn't agree with them
and therefore you begin to resent them
so if you have core values if you have
non-negotiables if you have a line in
the sand that you're willing to draw on
certain things then guess what you now
become the kind of man
who is sure-footed
and who is confident
in his path in life now that doesn't
mean that you can't compromise right but
that does mean that you ought to have a
set of core values like as a kid as a
young man if I had core values and my
friends were like dude let's go carjack
dude let's go let's go and Rob Holmes
I would have been like bro that's
against my core values it ain't
happening right
one thing I've taught my son is that hey
man these are your core values for our
family's core values and oh by the way
after an 11 after 11 o'clock P.M it's
stupid time and we're not gonna hang out
at stupid hours with stupid people doing
stupid things because you get stupid
outcomes right it's stupid time
I wish somebody would have told me that
because a lot of the [ __ ] that I did was
after 11 pm as a young man getting in
so I share that with you because if you
don't have core values you don't have a
set of non-negotiables you just say yes
to everybody and then you begin to
resent them and hate them and they see
you as like this little jellyfish who is
just easily pliable I don't want to be
that guy
and thing number seven that men do to
ruin their lives
is that they don't
a Brotherhood of like-minded men around
them they don't have a Band of Brothers
they are not part of a tribe
the thing that men do
that really ruins their life is that
they live like an island you act like a
lone wolf
you are not meant to be a lone wolf you
are not meant to be an island you are
meant to find like-minded dudes who
share your core values yet another
reason to have core values and
non-negotiables because if you're like
dude these are my core values these are
my non-negotiables this is how I roll in
I'm an extreme unreasonable impatient
[ __ ] that wants to make a lot of
money be fit and jacked be
self-actualized and self-disciplined and
do a lot of good for Humanity and I find
other dudes like that to connect with
that's my tribe That's My Band of
that is the Brotherhood that I belong to
like that's why we have that modern day
night project Brotherhood all of a
sudden the dudes don't don't feel like
Islands anymore you're not meant to be
an island from the beginning of man
beginning of time we were tribal we
hunted as a tribe we survived as a tribe
in a community so find your Band of
Brothers but to find your Band of
Brothers you must put yourself out there
and you must have a set of core values
that you can test another group of men
against and if they have your core
values get in that group
don't be an island don't be a lone wolf
suffering in silence white knuckling
through life and just desperately
hoping that things will change
like hope is not a game plan
guys I hope you got a lot of value from
this episode if you did please do me a
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leave us reviews leave us comments thank
you so much for blowing up the bedrose
cooling show we are like brand new in
terms of this podcast and we're just
blowing up on YouTube on Spotify on
iTunes across all the platforms because
of you and I want to thank you guys I
want to massively show gratitude and
thank you for that for sharing this
message for giving me your time and of
course for going out and taking action
on this because remember
averages the enemy
success is your responsibility and
everything in your life can change for
the better when you decide to flip the
switch all right guys we'll see y'all
later take care