Crazy Mall Kiosk Salesman - YouTube

>>I AM SO EXCITED OUR MALL FINALLY GOT AN A & M.

>>HELLO CREDIT CARD DEBT. >>GUYS, GET DOWN.

>>UH... OKAY.

>>THAT WAS CLOSE. >>WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

>>THERE'S A KIOSK RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE A & M.

>>SO? >>OH, IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

HE'S SELLING HAND LOTION. >>WHY IS THAT BAD?

>>BECAUSE THE MORE USELESS THE PRODUCT THE MORE

AGGRESSIVE THE SALESMAN WHITNEY. IT'S KIOSK DARWINISM.

>>DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING OVERLY DRAMATIC?

>>THAT GUY IS REALLY GOOD. I DON'T EVEN HAVE HANDS.

>>OH. THAT WAS DISTURBING.

WHAT DO WE DO? >>I'LL GO.

>>NO! >>DON'T WORRY.

I'LL BE BACK, BUT NOT BEFORE I GET YOU THAT ADORABLE SPRING

JACKET AND MATCHING BLOUSE. >>I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH IT JEREMY.

WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER? >>YOU DON'T HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER?

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THE SECOND GRADE. >>IT'S A NEW PHONE.

>>YOU'VE GOT EVERYONE ELSE'S NUMBER. >>OKAY, GUYS.

LET'S JUST DO THIS. >>FINE.

>>ALL RIGHT BUDDY. STAY SHARP.

>>OH, SO NOW I'M YOUR BUDDY HUH? >>STAY FOCUSED, AND WHATEVER YOU DO,

DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. LOOK TO THE SIDES JEREMY.

THE SIDES ARE YOUR FRIEND. LET YOUR EYES LINGER IN THE WINGS.

OKAY, GOOD JOB. AVERT YOUR EYES JEREMY!

AVERT THEM! YOU HAVE TO KEEP MOVING YOUR LEGS THOUGH JEREMY.

KEEP MOVING! >>LOTION?

>>JEREMY? YOU THERE?

TALK TO ME BUDDY? YOU STILL WITH ME BUDDY?

>>SAY SOMETHING?

>>JEREMY? BABY ARE YOU OKAY? >>IT HAPPENED SO FAST.

I COULDN'T SAY NO. >>I'M GOING IN.

>>NO, IT'S NOT WORTH IT! >>THERE'S A TWO FOR ONE SALE ON SKINNY JEANS.

>>IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT. >>IF I DON'T MAKE IT.

I WANT YOU TO HAVE MY 15 PERCENT OFF LOYALTY CARD.

>>DON'T YOU SAY THAT! YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE!

BUT, I WILL KEEP THIS. >>YEAH, OKAY.

>>YOU THERE ADAM? >>ROGER THAT GOLD LEADER.

>>NOW OKAY, WHATEVER YOU DO, AVOID HIS GAZE. ALSO LOVE THE NAME GOLD LEADER.

LET'S MAKE THAT A THING. >>COPY THAT.

HEY, I THINK I'M GOING TO MAKE IT. I SEE THE ENTRANCE.

IT'S SO CLOSE. >>EXCUSE ME SIR.

CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A FREE LOTION SAMPLE? >>IGNORE HIM ADAM!

I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE THE SAMPLE! >>BUT IT'S FREE!

>>ADAM NO! >>[SCREAM] >>HE'S GONE.

HE'S GONE. IF YOU BUY THREE BOXES, YOU GET A FREE LOOFA.

>>GUYS, WHAT DO WE DO? A & M CLOSES IN THREE MINUTES.

>>WHIT, YOU STAY HERE AND TAKE CARE OF THE WOUNDED.

NATALIE, COME WITH ME. OKAY, I NEED A DIVERSION.

GO PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN BUYING SOMETHING.

>>I'M AFRAID. >>YOU CAN DO THIS.

I JUST NEED 20 SECONDS. >>OKAY.

HEY MAN, I AM A WOMAN AND I HAVE DRY SKIN AND I NEED

SOME LOTIONS BECAUSE OF HOW DRY MY SKIN IS AND SO

I'M HERE TO BUY SOME LOTION. >>OH, YOU ARE REALLY BAD AT THIS.

>>YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE PURCHASED OUR SUPER DELUXE PACKAGE OF--

>>WHAT'S WRONG? WHY HAS HE STOPPED TALKING?

>>I THINK HE SENSES I'M SUPER POOR. >>YOU KNOW, IF YOU REFER A FRIEND,

LEO WILL THROW IN A BOTTLE OF LIQUID NAIL SHINER.

>>DON'T DO IT NATALIE! THAT'S JUST WATER WITH GLITTER IN IT!

>>I REFER HIM! >>NO!

♪♪

>>OH! >>CAN I HELP YOU FIND ANYTHING?

>>[SCREAMING]