WHAT IS COMPERSION? | The Sex Talk with Mou (Moushumi Ghose) and Jenoa - YouTube

the sex talk

Hi, hi. I'm Jenna one mo welcome to the sex talk here

live from Brooklyn, New York

Today, we're going to talk about a new word. That's not even in the traditional dictionary yet

It is on Wikipedia and it's on Urban dictionary and the word is

compassion or

Compassion we don't know I was helping it come persons everywhere. We don't outside

I'm not sure but I think I've heard it say they called conversion. I think so, too

That's right, but I'd want a through sure either. So maybe it's still being decided

Right so what is compression?

compression um

so my understanding of the word

And you probably know maybe something different, or maybe the same thing its

Conversion is when you can feel happy for your partner who is feeling happy

And their happiness is caused by something outside of the relationship

Yeah, and typically. I think that it means it's because they're with another person

Sexually fulfils of some of its not sexually fulfilled or like emotionally in some way fulfilled sometimes as well

You can [have] conversion of your [partner's] to skip an example came home said oh my God

I just had the most amazing experience with this girl

It was incredible and then you would be

You know you might have two choices. Let's say your three choices first choices

No, you this is there a little no no. I'm not okay with this way second choice would be

compression which is I

Am so happy for you you must be so exciting. We've have that feeling yeah that family right

It's so cool that you feel like that. I'm now clear that I had nothing to do with me in our relationship

Yeah, and I'm okay with that, and I'm really glad that you got to experience. They look great. Yeah

And the reason I like number two, and I know what you're going to say number

three is but the reason I like number two is because

If you're do treating your partner, who's your best friend as your best friend?

Yeah, like when your best friend calls you up and says oh my God

I just met someone and I think she's the person of my dreams she's amazing

She makes me feel [really] good you feel really good for your best friend

It's almost that same thing

Where you you would treat your best friend like you're really true, best friend you you don't get jealous

you don't take it personally that they had a fun time with somebody else, you're

Excited to them, and there's a certain level of boundary there that you want them to be happy in all areas of their lives

Right yeah, so with conversion the idea is that you would feel those things for someone who is your partner to yeah?

Yeah, so the third option is and it's very real and conversion that I don't hear people talking about so much as even

Within the reality of feeling conversion you can also feel jealous at the same time so 3 is basically all be about right?

Yeah, so go feed on jealousy

Version, and I actually like this too because if you're feeling just hey

Which is just jealousy you're more likely to backlash and treat your partner really poorly

But if you are feeling both and acknowledge that you're feeling both like oh, right?

Which is fair you know there's part of me that feels really jealous or feels really threatened

And secure, but I'm also really happy for this person

You're more likely to to see the light so to speak right and then here's the thing that

Part of the ways to go through these

Situations is to be honest about them, and so hopefully within your relationship

You're going to have a space

for you to hold all of those things hold your joy for them hold your feeling insecure hold and like have that conversation and

It's it's a conversation. It's just real life stuff and guys are feelings that people have yeah, but I feel like

It's important to address some of the things that we might do hMM if we get jealous

You [know] we've talked about some of those things like the silent treatment or going out and doing something

To make yourself feel better than [to] actually hurt your partner

Well first of all I think that the very base of that is blaming the other person for your feelings

right the first first of all if you have jealousy

recognizing that oh

This is my feeling that originates from me and not your fault if they are

You know operating within the bounds of the relationship. There's no blame

It was just you know we have this agreement, and you're still in you didn't break our agreement

Right and I expect to feel this way I feel jealous. That's still your responsibility

So well it's still your nobody can be

Responsible for your feeling right you know yes, they can change their behaviors so that you won't feel that way

But it won't change the fact that you feel that way you know if they go outside of the relationship

Or if they or you know with the certain someone else and it could be anybody or it could be someone specific

But that feeling is yours right until it's I'm going to be honest when you're triggered like that because these these

feelings of jealousy can be me feel really unsafe and really like

Teed up and freaked out

It's easy to lash out when you feel triggered because it's almost like you're in a haze

And you're not thinking clearly, and you're you know so it's important [to] be

Calm and centered and really be in the moment. They are in recognizing. Yeah, and not watch out. Yeah

We did an episode on Jealousy and not monogamy and in that episode. We do talk about the fact that and

You should just click on it. The link is here

How you you can feel jealous?

But it's not necessarily always something that you need to bring up with your partner

That's right um that's right, and it's recognizing if the jealousy is is

This something that happens a lot in your relationship

If so, then yes, maybe something that you discuss with your partner

What is happening over and over?

It's causing you to feel insecure in your relationship it might not be the kind of break kind of relationship for you. I?

Mean maybe it's just not your cup of tea not everybody wants to

experience this low-rent jealousy right and if you're constantly feeling jealous and banging your head up against the wall because it's not getting better and

You know you're trying to be open-minded everything that they do

Continues to be feel like that for you. That's not a good place to be that might not be your best place yeah, and

Figuring out that would be your number one objective at that time like is this really the best kind of relationship for me?

Yeah

Because jealousy a lot of times in my experience happens when you're not getting

Something from the relationship so in a conversion situation your partner goes out those really happy

experiences joy, there's often a

Like a side effect to that to the relationship also like sure experiencing joy

And you know a happy partner means a happy relationship that whole concept and so they come home

And they're that much more present that much more available

[um] so

then you might actually get that need met or sure so you're already comfortable and stable in the relationship and

So that makes you feel [that] much more happy for your partner when they go outside and come back, right?

so having a good clear communication and stable relationship to begin with

Would really help you navigate these moments because you have a space level of trust you have the trust that

Person is not breaking agreements

you have the trust that they care about your feelings and aren't doing things purposely to hurt you and you have the open lines of

communication

Made for these types of relationships those things are going to make it

1,000 times easier to navigate the families of Jealousy, right?

But I think the point is is that Jealousy does not necessarily mean that oh

we can't absolutely can't feel conversion because the two can exist right silence and also jealousy does not mean that you need to change your

Agreements, it doesn't mean that somebody did something wrong

It doesn't mean that somebody shouldn't be doing the things they're doing because it looked even in monogamous relationships

There's jealousy I felt like pains of Jealousy because Jealousy doesn't go away

Just because you have a relationship monogamous monogamous is

Um it's like this fake

Sense of security I would say false what?

also

fake both

But yeah, and and just because you're in a monogamous relationship

It doesn't mean doesn't mean your partner's doesn't think about other people or doesn't stray

emotionally yeah, and not necessarily, physically because people cheat and we know that [people] cheat, so

yeah, it's important to I think if

You know your view or your partner?

Have any ideas or you know harbor any fantasies about?

Other people you know have a conversation about it the best place to start yeah

I inputs a great place to start which is like let's be honest. Who are you really attracted to?

Yeah, and it might be good just to get real about that it might be [able] to get real it

You know what your partner actually?

Didn't stop being a sexual being because you guys [got] together right right and there because you've been together 20 years

And you don't have sex anywhere guess what there was a huge chance of your partner's still very sexual yeah, yeah

If you know going outside of the relationship might help awaken that and it could potentially live with your relationship up

Yeah, we're going to do another episode about

What are we gonna call it at?

relationships with agreements and

We're so options for long-term relationships where the sex has down

Maybe where you can you can still become you don't really consider yourself monogamous, but maybe have a little tweak yeah in your

Relationship yep, you're a relationship your rules. Yeah, you need to make up the rules so click [on] a few other episodes

And you'll find it down in there somewhere. Yeah, yeah

But we're also going to do another episode how to get started if you really want to have a non monogamous relationship

And you're been in a monogamous relationship for a long time you have no idea how to get started mmM?

I love coming up next yeah. Look around click around enjoy everything leave comments talk to us

we'd love to hear from you, and I think that was the

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