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Weekend Update: Biden’s Stimulus Plan - SNL - YouTube
Channel: Saturday Night Live
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>>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
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[ APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
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>>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>> WELCOME.
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I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
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PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID THAT HE
WOULD GO ON WITHOUT OTHER
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SUPPORT.
JOE BIDEN DOESN'T NEED
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PERMISSION.
TOMORROW THE SUPER BOWL AGAINST
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THE BUCS AND CHIEFS.
WHAT BIDEN CALLS THEIR FRIENDS
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WHEN HE FORGET THEIR NAMES, THE
BUCS.
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MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE
IGNORING A TODDLER WHO FELL
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THROUGH THE ICE CRITICIZED GOP
CONSPIRATOR MARJORIE TAYLOR
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GREENE SAYING HER LOONY LIES AND
CONSPIRACY THEORIES OF A CANCER
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FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
KEEP IN MIND, GREENE BELIEVES
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CANCER IS A BIOWEAPON CREATED IN
A SECRET JEWISH LAB.
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>>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE WHO
LOOKS LIKE THE MUG SHOT OF A
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FORMER CHILD STAR, HAS SUPPORTED
CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT 9/11,
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SCHOOL SHOOTINGS, THE DEEP STATE
AND JEWISH PEOPLE.
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AH.
I GET IT, LADY.
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YOU'RE MY TYPE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
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I'M KIDDING.
ANYBODY WHO BELIEVES THOSE CRAZY
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CONSPIRACY THEORIES HAS TO BE AS
BLIND AS STEVIE WONDER IS
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PRETENDING TO BE.
GREENE APOLOGIZED FOR HER
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PREVIOUS REMARKS SAYING 9/11
ABSOLUTELY HAPPENED.
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TO HONOR THAT DAY GREENE PLANS
TO HIJACK AND CRASH THE
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REPUBLICAN PARTY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
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>> REPRESENTATIVE GREENE
APOLOGIZED
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FOR HER EXTENSIVE CONSPIRACY
THEORIES AND SHE SAID, "NOBODY'S
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PERFECT."
YEAH.
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I DON'T THINK "PERFECT" IS THE
STANDARD WE WERE HOLDING YOU TO.
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I'M PRETTY SURE WE'D JUST SETTLE
FOR "NOT VIOLENTLY INSANE."
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"NOBODY'S PERFECT" IS A CUTESY
PHRASE YOU SAY WHEN YOU
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ACCIDENTALLY MESS UP A LUNCH
ORDER.
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IT DOESN'T REALLY APPLY WHEN YOU
ACCUSE KIDS OF FAKING A MASS
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SHOOTING.
THE SAME REASON, "DID I DO THAT"
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WAS URKEL'S CATCHPHRASE AND NOT
O.J.'S.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
>> FOX NEWS IS BEING
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SUED BY ELECTIONS EQUIPMENT
MANUFACTURER SMARTMATIC FOR MORE
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THAN $2 BILLION FOR FALSE
REPORTING ON ELECTION FRAUD
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THEORIES.
IF THEY LOSE, FOX WILL PAY THE
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$2 BILLION FROM THEIR SEXUAL
HARASSMENT SETTLEMENT JAR.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT A
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NUMBER OF PEOPLE STORMING THE
CAPITOL DIDN'T ACTUALLY VOTE IN
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THE ELECTION.
HUH.
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SO MAYBE THEY WEREN'T THE SAVVY
POLITICAL GENIUSES WE ALL
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THOUGHT THEY WERE!
>> FORMER SOCIAL MEDIA
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INFLUENCER DONALD TRUMP --
[ LAUGHTER ]
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEY WILL NOT TESTIFY AT HIS
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IMPEACHMENT TRIAL NEXT WEEK AND
I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US
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WHEN I SAY, COME ON, PLEASE!
GIVE US ONE LAST SHOW, MAN.
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YOU KNOW?
STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
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PUT IN YOUR EXTENSIONS AND BURST
INTO THAT TRIAL LIKE IT'S MAURY
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POVICH AND YOU ARE NOT THE
FATHER.
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COME ON.
THINK ABOUT IT.
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YOU CAN YELL OUT ALL THE TWEETS
YOU AREN'T BEEN ABLE TO TWEET
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THE LAST MONTH.
NO NOM FOR TIM ALLEN?
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SADLY, TRUMP IS NOT DOING THAT
BUT DEFENDED BY THE LAWYERS WHO
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REFUSED TOO REPRESENT BILL COSBY
AND AGREED TO REPRESENT JEFFREY
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EPSTEIN BEFORE THIS DEATH.
WHAT DOES TRUMP THINK HE'S BEING
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IMPEACHED FOR?
>> JEFF BEZOS IS STEPPING DOWN
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FROM HIS YOB.
I'D JUST LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME
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WITH MY FAMILY, SAID AMAZON
WORKERS.
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>>> AND 100% SHOWING CHINA AND
OTHER COUNTRIES STOLE THE
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ELECTION FROM DONALD TRUMP.
WORSE, LINDELL PLAYS THE PART OF
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XI JINPING.
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