Weekend Update: Biden’s Stimulus Plan - SNL - YouTube

Channel: Saturday Night Live

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>>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
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[ APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪
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>>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME.
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I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.
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PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID THAT HE WOULD GO ON WITHOUT OTHER
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SUPPORT. JOE BIDEN DOESN'T NEED
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PERMISSION. TOMORROW THE SUPER BOWL AGAINST
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THE BUCS AND CHIEFS. WHAT BIDEN CALLS THEIR FRIENDS
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WHEN HE FORGET THEIR NAMES, THE BUCS.
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MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE IGNORING A TODDLER WHO FELL
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THROUGH THE ICE CRITICIZED GOP CONSPIRATOR MARJORIE TAYLOR
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GREENE SAYING HER LOONY LIES AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES OF A CANCER
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FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. KEEP IN MIND, GREENE BELIEVES
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CANCER IS A BIOWEAPON CREATED IN A SECRET JEWISH LAB.
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>>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE WHO LOOKS LIKE THE MUG SHOT OF A
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FORMER CHILD STAR, HAS SUPPORTED CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT 9/11,
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SCHOOL SHOOTINGS, THE DEEP STATE AND JEWISH PEOPLE.
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AH. I GET IT, LADY.
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YOU'RE MY TYPE. [ LAUGHTER ]
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I'M KIDDING. ANYBODY WHO BELIEVES THOSE CRAZY
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CONSPIRACY THEORIES HAS TO BE AS BLIND AS STEVIE WONDER IS
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PRETENDING TO BE. GREENE APOLOGIZED FOR HER
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PREVIOUS REMARKS SAYING 9/11 ABSOLUTELY HAPPENED.
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TO HONOR THAT DAY GREENE PLANS TO HIJACK AND CRASH THE
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REPUBLICAN PARTY. [ APPLAUSE ]
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>> REPRESENTATIVE GREENE APOLOGIZED
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FOR HER EXTENSIVE CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND SHE SAID, "NOBODY'S
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PERFECT." YEAH.
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I DON'T THINK "PERFECT" IS THE STANDARD WE WERE HOLDING YOU TO.
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I'M PRETTY SURE WE'D JUST SETTLE FOR "NOT VIOLENTLY INSANE."
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"NOBODY'S PERFECT" IS A CUTESY PHRASE YOU SAY WHEN YOU
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ACCIDENTALLY MESS UP A LUNCH ORDER.
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IT DOESN'T REALLY APPLY WHEN YOU ACCUSE KIDS OF FAKING A MASS
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SHOOTING. THE SAME REASON, "DID I DO THAT"
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WAS URKEL'S CATCHPHRASE AND NOT O.J.'S.
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[ LAUGHTER ] >> FOX NEWS IS BEING
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SUED BY ELECTIONS EQUIPMENT MANUFACTURER SMARTMATIC FOR MORE
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THAN $2 BILLION FOR FALSE REPORTING ON ELECTION FRAUD
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THEORIES. IF THEY LOSE, FOX WILL PAY THE
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$2 BILLION FROM THEIR SEXUAL HARASSMENT SETTLEMENT JAR.
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[ LAUGHTER ] >> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT A
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NUMBER OF PEOPLE STORMING THE CAPITOL DIDN'T ACTUALLY VOTE IN
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THE ELECTION. HUH.
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SO MAYBE THEY WEREN'T THE SAVVY POLITICAL GENIUSES WE ALL
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THOUGHT THEY WERE! >> FORMER SOCIAL MEDIA
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INFLUENCER DONALD TRUMP -- [ LAUGHTER ]
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THEY WILL NOT TESTIFY AT HIS
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IMPEACHMENT TRIAL NEXT WEEK AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US
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WHEN I SAY, COME ON, PLEASE! GIVE US ONE LAST SHOW, MAN.
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YOU KNOW? STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
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PUT IN YOUR EXTENSIONS AND BURST INTO THAT TRIAL LIKE IT'S MAURY
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POVICH AND YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.
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COME ON. THINK ABOUT IT.
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YOU CAN YELL OUT ALL THE TWEETS YOU AREN'T BEEN ABLE TO TWEET
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THE LAST MONTH. NO NOM FOR TIM ALLEN?
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SADLY, TRUMP IS NOT DOING THAT BUT DEFENDED BY THE LAWYERS WHO
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REFUSED TOO REPRESENT BILL COSBY AND AGREED TO REPRESENT JEFFREY
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EPSTEIN BEFORE THIS DEATH. WHAT DOES TRUMP THINK HE'S BEING
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IMPEACHED FOR? >> JEFF BEZOS IS STEPPING DOWN
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FROM HIS YOB. I'D JUST LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME
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WITH MY FAMILY, SAID AMAZON WORKERS.
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>>> AND 100% SHOWING CHINA AND OTHER COUNTRIES STOLE THE
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ELECTION FROM DONALD TRUMP. WORSE, LINDELL PLAYS THE PART OF
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XI JINPING.