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Real Lawyer Reacts to LAWYER JOKES // LegalEagle - YouTube
Channel: LegalEagle
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thanks to Skillshare for keeping legal
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eagle in the air learn to think like a
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lawyer for free for two months by
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clicking the link in the description hey
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legal eagles it's time to think like a
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lawyer or today it's time to laugh like
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a lawyer because we're going to have a
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change of pace and instead of destroying
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your favorite childhood movie or
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explaining why your favorite legal drama
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is completely full of holes Stella and I
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are going to review some lawyer jokes
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they're gonna make fun of me so what
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I've done is I've asked a friend to
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compile some lawyer jokes for me I
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haven't seen these ahead of time but let
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me know if you guys like this change of
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format and I've done enough stuff about
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PewDiePie to know that meme review is a
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thing so let me know if you want me to
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respond to legal or law school memes
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I would love to make this a continuing
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thing because who are we if we can't
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laugh at ourselves let's see if this is
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clean okay but without further ado let's
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dig in to the first lawyer jokes an
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attorney was working late one night in
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his office when suddenly Satan appeared
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before him the devil made him an offer I
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will make it so you win every case that
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you trying for the rest of your life
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your clients will worship you your
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colleagues will be in awe and you will
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make an enormous amount of money but in
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return you must give me your soul your
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wife's soul the souls of your children
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your parents grandparents and those of
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all of your friends the lawyer thought
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about it for a moment and then asked but
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what's the catch okay you know we might
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not have souls but we care about the
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souls of the loved ones that are in our
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lives also by the way it wouldn't be
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unusual for Satan to operate in front of
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us like that that happens every day
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what's the difference between a lawyer
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and a jellyfish one is a spineless
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poisonous blob the other is a form of
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sea life god I would say that most of
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the lawyers that I know are actually
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very courageous and are willing to work
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very very hard for their clients why
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would a lawyer be spineless I mean the
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poisonous okay sure
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a fifty year old lawyer who has been
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practicing since he was 25 passed away
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and arrived at the pearly gates for
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judgment the lawyer said to st. Peter
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there must be some mistake I'm only
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fifty years old and that's far too young
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to die st. Peter frowned and consulted
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his book that's funny when we added up
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all your billing records you should be
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at least eighty-three by now I like that
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one this one it's close to home because
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there are some lawyers out there who are
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unethical and they will build their
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client for more work than they have
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actually done and this is this is
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reasonably ethical where you're on a
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plane and because of the shift in time
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zones you're actually able to build more
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than 24 hours in the entire day if you
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were literally working every single hour
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of the day so you you know you spent you
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were up all night you did an all-nighter
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and then you flew backwards from the
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East Coast the West Coast it is
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conceivably possible and there are some
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rock star associates who have been known
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to do that
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but yeah fair point God let's see if
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this is clean
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what is the Bar Association code of
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ethics prevent sex between lawyers and
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their clients to prevent clients from
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being billed twice essentially the same
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service you know hopefully you have a
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better experience than will say getting
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screwed by your attorney actually you
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know California just changed their
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ethics rules it used to be that in
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California you could engage in a
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romantic romantic relationship with your
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client and now at least during the
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pendency of your relationship is
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unethical in California to have that
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relationship with your clients so
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realistically speaking you can get in
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big trouble in California now that's a
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that's a big change
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at a convention of biological scientists
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one researcher remarks to another did
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you know that in our lab we have
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switched from mice to lawyers for our
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experiments really the other replied why
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did you switch well for three reasons
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first we found that lawyers are far more
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plentiful second the lab assistants
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don't get so attached to them and
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thirdly there are some things even a rat
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won't do but frankly you know if you
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hire a lawyer and you need them to help
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you on your case you're gonna want them
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to be flexible and to be a zealous
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advocate and to really get in the
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trenches with the rest of the rats oh my
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god lawyers are far more expensive than
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rats though why did New Jersey get all
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the toxic waste in California get all
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the lawyers New Jersey got first pick
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alright fair enough
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the California legal market is huge
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that's where I have practiced for most
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of my career frankly yeah I prefer
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California to New Jersey so suck at New
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Jersey to physicians boarded a flight
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out of Seattle one sat in the window
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seat the other sat in the middle seat
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just before takeoff an attorney got on
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and took the aisle seat next to the two
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physicians the attorney kicked off his
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shoes wriggled his toes and was settling
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in when the physician in the window seat
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said I think I'll get up and get a coke
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no problem said the attorney I'll get it
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for you when he was done one of the
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physicians picked up the attorneys shoe
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and spat in it when he returned with a
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coke the physician said that looks good
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I think I'll have one too again the
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attorney obligingly went to fetch it and
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while he was gone the other physician
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picked up the other shoe and spat in it
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the attorney returned and they all sat
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back and enjoyed the flight as the plane
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was landing the attorney slipped his
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feet into his shoes and knew immediately
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what had happened how long must this go
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on he asked this fighting between our
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professions this hatred this animosity
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the spitting in shoes pissing and cokes
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so I have a lot of doctor friends I
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don't think there's much animosity
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between lawyers and and and and doctors
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really it's just between me and and dr.
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Mike because we've never done a
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collaboration you know what you've done
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dr. Mike dude you're hilarious and if
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you ever want to make a youtube video
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I'm so down
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a lawyer was filling out a job
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application when he came to the question
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have you ever been arrested he answered
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no next question intended for applicants
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who had answered yes was why the lawyer
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answered it never got caught so the
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thing is it's really the rare exception
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that it's like a Bernie Madoff or you
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know some other corporate raider who has
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done some illegal act that and the
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doctors they're the real criminals a
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[Music]
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secretary a paralegal and a partner in a
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city law firm are walking through a park
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on their way to lunch when they find an
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antique oil lamp they rub it and a genie
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appears out of a puff of smoke the genie
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says I only grant three wishes so I'll
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give each of you just one me first me
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first says the secretary I want to be in
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the Bahamas driving a speedboat without
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a care in the world
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poof she's gone me next me next says the
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paralegal I want to be in Hawaii
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relaxing on the beach with my personal
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masseuse and an endless supply of pina
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coladas and a love of my life
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poof he's gone you're next the genie
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says to the partner the partner says I
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want those two back in the office after
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lunch oh there's definitely some truth
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to that I have had some great luck in my
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career to have some fantastic legal
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secretaries and paralegals in my office
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and they have saved my bacon on more
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than one occasion man you're not getting
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away that easily all right let's see
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this one is in the first person I was in
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juvenile court prosecuting a teen
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suspected of burglary when the judge
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asked everyone to stand in state his or
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her name and role for the court reporter
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Leah Roush deputy prosecutor I said
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Linda Jones probation officer Sam Clark
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public defender John said the teen who
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was on trial I'm the one who stole the
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truck okay yeah that one hits close to
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home
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if only I could control what my client
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said at all times because they have a
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habit of saying the worst possible thing
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at the worst possible time it's a mark
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of a good lawyer when you can control a
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very bad witness
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when my 88 year old mother was called
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for jury duty she had to submit to
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questioning by the opposing lawyers
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that's called why dear have you ever
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dealt with an attorney ask the
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plaintiff's lawyer yes I had an attorney
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write my living trust she responded how
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did that turn out I don't know she said
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ask me when I'm dead ah some good old
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fashioned in the states and trust humor
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that's that's always great all right
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last one here we go what's the
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difference between a good lawyer and a
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bad lawyer a bad lawyer might let a case
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drag on for several years a good lawyer
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knows how to make it last even longer to
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mean to mean oh were those good were
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those good lawyer jokes all right those
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jokes were terrible and you were a bad
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person if you laughed at them completely
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unfunny and not a kernel of truth in the
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whole lot of them but if you want to
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learn how to write hit online content
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that makes people laugh and share not
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like those jokes then you should
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definitely check out Matt Bella sighs
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Skillshare class called going viral
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right film and make content people share
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matt teaches you how to write comedy
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gold and create viral content that
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people love to share the writers of
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those jokes really should have taken his
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class because all of those jokes were
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not funny
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Matt's lessons are packed with tips
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about originality developing your comedy
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voice tweeting better tweets creating
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better videos and writing headlines that
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will grab you like unfunny people write
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bad jokes about lawyers Skillshare is an
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online learning community that has over
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30,000 classes on everything like
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lifestyle design and technology the
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first 500 legal eagles will get two free
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months of Skillshare when you click on
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the link below plus it really helps out
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this channel the free premium membership
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gives you unlimited access to must know
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topic so you can improve your skills and
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learn new things all free for two months
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improve yourself now so you can write
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good jokes which won't involve lawyers
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because lawyers are above comedy so
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click on a link below get two free
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months of skill share and start learning
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to think like a lawyer today alright so
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as always leave your objections in the
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comments and send me your memes and
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lawyer jokes I would love to do this
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again and check out my other real law
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reactions over here where I just reacted
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to Marvel's daredevil including the
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trial of Frank Castle so click on this
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playlist and I'll see you in court
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