Building Trust and Mentoring Youth - YouTube

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[DEMOCRACY, PROSPERITY, HUMAN RIGHTS, EDUCATION, SECURITY. A PRODUCTION OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE]

- My name is Jim DiDonato.

[James DiDonato, Personal and Executive Coach, Business Consultant, Educator] For nearly 20 years, I have been leading educational

and mentoring programs,

and I have trained hundreds of teachers, leaders,

and mentors across many countries.

I've been a teacher and served as chief executive officer

and superintendent of schools.

I understand that working with youth

means helping them develop respect, values, pride in self,

and pride in community.

We all have an obligation to ensure

that youth in our communities are prepared

for their own leadership journey.

[Developing, Mentoring and Supporting Youth Leadership:] Welcome to Developing, Mentoring

[Building Trust and Mentoring Youth] and Supporting Youth Leadership.

This lesson is Building Trust and Mentoring Youth.

[LEARNING OBJECTIVES: BUILDING TRUST AND MENTORING YOUTH] In this lesson, we will define mentorship

[Define mentorship.] and the role of a mentor.

[Construct a trusting mentor-mentee relationship.] We will look at how to construct a trusting mentor,

mentee relationship for mentoring youth.

And we will identify best practices

[Identify best practices for mentorship programs.] for creating programs to mentor youth.

Simply stated, mentors are role models.

Research shares that the presence

of positive adult role models

are the building blocks for healthy youth development.

It is the role model's responsibility

[Mentors should: Be positive citizens.] to be a positive citizen and want

to make a difference in the community.

[Understand youths as individuals.] To understand the individual nature of youth

in their learning, thinking, gifts, emotions,

and even in the completion rate of an activity or a project.

[Mentors should: Be positive citizens. Understand youths as individuals. Understand youth development.] To understand youth development,

many youth are more instinctual than they are intuitive,

and this affects behaviors, impulses, and decision-making.

To understand childhood trauma

[Mentors should: Understand childhood trauma and its effects.] and how trauma affects relationships,

and to be reflective.

[Be reflective and open to feedback.] Be open to feedback from adults and youth

so you can improve each and every day.

Mentoring provides an alternative for youth whose parents

are unable to fulfill a mentoring role,

and serves as an additional resource for youth

whose parents are engaged in their lives.

Mentoring is particularly effective for youth

who have environmental risk factors, such as poverty.

A mentor is uniquely positioned to help

a young person navigate school, life transitions,

work, or career training.

That is, if mentoring is done well.

Around the world, there are many mentoring programs

that fail each year.

Mentoring programs that fail

can have detrimental effects to the youth,

instead of the positive gains it was designed to establish.

My goal is to help you identify, to get into,

and to practice within that space

where mentoring is optimal,

where teaching is optimal and where learning is optimal.

The optimal mentoring space is a safe space

for youth to learn and grow together.

It is a space where youth can fail forward,

and it is a space that provides a sense of belonging,

clear relationship boundaries,

and agreed upon expectations and goals.

Remember, you are mentoring the next generation of leaders,

they want to, and they seek to look up to leaders.

[Defining mentorship and mentors] Defining mentorship and mentors.

Mentoring is a form of leadership, and like leaders,

[Mentors are influencers.] mentors are influencers.

A good leader influences everything he or she touches,

but also remember that the leader, in this case the mentor,

is influenced by many things, by family, friends,

education, pop culture, religion, economy, and government.

Be mindful that your influences do not affect the child,

but rather you influence the child

to influence others in a positive manner.

[Mentoring is a process.] Mentoring is a process.

Mentors need patience.

The key to the process is that you recognize

you are building leaders of today

for the future of tomorrow.

But not only for tomorrow, because youth can make

a great impact in their community now.

In this process, we recognize that leaders are not born,

they are developed and every person is a leader,

whether it is a parent, neighbor, community leader,

custodian or president.

Mentor on the small things and the big things,

those you mentor will remember those small teachings later

when they're facing big challenges.

[Mentors are navigators.] Mentors are navigators.

Mentors show the way.

Youth are dependent on mentors for direction,

so you need to make sure you chart a good course.

[Mentors are servant leaders.] Mentors are servant leaders.

Servant leaders share power,

they put the needs of others first,

they help people develop and perform as highly as possible.

The best mentors do this.

When mentoring youth, it's about the person,

not the product or the project.

It is about opening the doors of possibility.

The outcome is not how many projects were completed,

or if 1,000 widgets were produced,

mentoring, like leadership is not about the leader,

but those people the leader serves.

[Integrity] Integrity needs to fill a mentoring relationship.

Remember, corrupted and deceitful people mentor youth

all of the time for nefarious purposes,

and like positive mentors,

they are committed to a purpose and they influence people

to achieve that purpose.

The values of a servant leader are the same

as the values of a mentor, integrity, humility,

respect, and telling the truth.

[Person, Committed to, Purpose] Mentors are committed to a purpose

[Influences, People, To achieve] and they influence mentees to achieve

the same purpose through well determined expectations

and an overall goal to impact the community

in a positive manner, today, and for the future.

[Creating a plan for mentoring youth] Now, let's talk about creating a plan for mentoring youth.

Mentoring youth is both an art and a science.

[Art, Science] The science is the knowledge, the art is the performance.

Both require a lot of practice.

Youth need explicit teaching.

[Explicit teaching] Teach rules explicitly, teach expectations explicitly,

and teach boundaries explicitly.

Don't expect them to happen naturally.

Teach them, model them, then let them try.

Don't be scared to let your mentees try and fail,

the best mentoring comes through supporting you

through failure.

There is time for exploration, and wonder and investigation,

but the most important things need to be taught explicitly.

Youth think differently, and problem solve differently,

and perceive information differently than adults.

This is important.

[Pedagogy - practice of teaching youth] Pedagogy is the practice of teaching youth,

[Andragogy - practice of teaching adults] while andragogy is the practice of teaching adults.

There are thousands of books written about pedagogy,

and hundreds more about andragogy.

If you know both, you will be able

to successfully instruct children and adults.

Overall, the key similarity to instructing youth

and adults is to make learning relevant and applicable,

to make it real to them and relevant to their lives.

It is essential to build trust with youth

for an effective mentor program.

Trust is the foundation of all relationships,

therefore trust is a foundation of mentoring.

A mentor builds trust by relationship building,

a commitment to the mentee and the program,

and through servant leadership practices.

Many youth, like many adults, trust the world around them

until trust is broken.

And most youth have had people

in their lives already break trust.

They know what trust is,

but the trust is not fully developed in their brain

and heart, and can be confusing for them.

So then it is up to the mentor, the adult,

to establish the trust in the relationship.

[TRUST] Trust and broken trust are internalized,

it may be internalized as a specific event

or it may be internalized as a generalized event.

We don't know how each child internalizes the broken trust,

and most likely they can't express

themselves maturely enough to tell you.

When building trust, it is important to listen carefully

and value the ideas of your mentees,

to allow youth the safe space to share information,

to follow through every time

and always do what you say you will do,

to be consistent and committed,

and to never communicate out of emotion.

Make your emotion purposeful,

be purposeful in your high pitch and your low pitch,

in your loud and your soft,

in your approval and disapproval,

but never lead with your emotions.

Again, in order to achieve purpose,

the mentor needs followers,

without trust, there are no followers.

Overall, there are three qualities effective mentors share-

[Instructional, Interpersonal, Ethical] instructional, interpersonal and ethical.

[Instructional qualities] Instructional qualities means that mentors

must know their stuff.

This is the science of mentoring

and the science of the mentoring program.

[Interpersonal qualities] Interpersonal qualities means mentors

must study soft skills.

These are the relational skills, things like fairness,

listening, tolerance, caring kindness,

and being approachable.

[Ethical qualities] Ethical qualities means mentors must know

and practice right from wrong.

Trust from the entire community

comes through your ethical qualities.

The last part of the lesson is designed

to help mentors gain best practices

[Best practices for a successful youth mentoring program] for a successful youth mentoring program.

As a mentor, you should establish a safe environment.

[Safe environment] It is important that protocols are in place

to protect yourself, the youth,

the family, and the community.

Have well-designed procedures in place

[Procedures] and be structured.

[Goals and expectations] Have clearly defined and articulated goals and expectations.

[Flexibility] Include a level of flexibility to accommodate diversity

of the youth, including age, gender, family dynamic,

economic hardship, religion, ethnicity, and traditions.

Incorporate activities

[Relationship building] that facilitate relationship building.

[Involve parents and families] Support and involve parents and families,

help them be advocates for their children

and the mentoring program.

[Use local services] Coordinate with other services and supports as needed.

Especially know your social services,

your youth services and school services.

Don't forget about local businesses

and local government agencies, where applicable.

Successful programs have proper recruitment,

[Properly recruit, screen, and train] screening and training for mentors.

[Monitor] Monitor the program often to make improvements.

And every mentor should have their own mentor,

[Accountability] someone to hold them accountable and provide insight.

Studies show that creating

a sustaining, mentoring relationship

requires resources and support,

support from the community, businesses, schools,

and families improve relationships and resources.

It requires a framework,

although structure is secondary

to authentic relationship building,

it is still necessary to have a framework

for short-term and long-term success.

It requires knowledge of effective mentoring programs,

it requires realistic expectations about challenges

and benefits of mentoring,

and the duration of the relationship is important.

This requires commitment and consistency.

A timeline established and agreed upon by the mentor

and mentee is a best practice.

Studies also show why mentoring relationships fail.

[Why mentoring relationships fail: Abandonment] The top reasons include mentor or mentee abandonment,

[Lack of motivation] perceived lack of mentee motivation,

[Unfulfilled expectations] unfulfilled expectations,

deficiencies in mentor relational skills,

[Poor relational skills] including the inability to bridge cultural divides,

[Funding interference] funding interference,

[Inadequate support] and inadequate agency support.

Youth internalize everything a mentor does, your energy,

your love, caring compassion,

and how you handle difficult situations,

but also negative actions.

They soak up your excitement to learn,

your excitement to impact, your hope and your optimism.

Be purposeful in your excitement, in your intonation,

and in your passion, and be authentic in your leadership.

["When I grow up, I want to be like my mentor."] When I grow up, I want to be like my mentor.

At the end of this lesson,

take a few minutes and ask yourself,

why would the youth say that about me?

Your answers will help guide the path

to a quality mentoring program and a healthy,

trusting relationship with your mentees.

There are several recommendations for continued learning

after this course, to be the best mentor

and to impact the community in the most effective way.

[Study child development.] You should continue to study child development,

specifically brain development,

how you think and perceive information.

[Pedagogy vs. Andragogy] Learn more about pedagogy versus andragogy

to understand the difference

between instructing youth and adults.

[Learn from others.] And learn from other leaders and mentors in the community,

and continue to gain trust of those leaders.

And, you should seek to have a mentor yourself

for continued learning and guidance.

[For more on this course and to access related resources,] For more on this course and to access related resources,

[visit us on the web.] visit us on the web.

[DEMOCRACY, PROSPERITY, HUMAN RIGHTS, EDUCATION, SECURITY. A PRODUCTION OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE]