Drug Company Hearing - SNL - YouTube

>>> ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO DO THIS, THIS

HEARING. BOTH OF YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THE

DECISIONS MADE TODAY ARE LEGALLY BINDING?

>> YES. >> YES.

>> YES, SIR. >> GREAT.

MRS. WILLIAMS, YOU ARE FILING A CLAIM AGAINST YOUR FORMER

EMPLOYER, MERCK PHARMACEUTICALS WHERE YOU WORKED FOR THE PAST

22 YEARS. >> YES, SIR.

I'M SUING FOR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY THEFT BECAUSE THEY'VE

STOLEN MANY OF MY IDEAS, AND I AM ASKING FOR $20 MILLION IN

DAMAGES. >> THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

MRS. WILLIAMS WORKED IN ACCOUNTING.

NO ONE THERE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR IDEAS.

>> SIR, LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

IN DECEMBER, 2004, THIS COMPANY CREATED A DRUG CALLED

SEASONIQUE. WELL, BACK IN 1997, I HAD A

CHILD. SAY HELLO TO SEASONIQUE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> HELLO.

>> YOUR NAME IS SEASONIQUE. >> YES, SIR.

MY BIRTH NAME IS SEASONIQUE BONIVA WILLIAMS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S RIGHT.

SEASONIQUE WAS BORN ON THE ONE SPECIAL DAY BETWEEN SPRING AND

SUMMER. [ LAUGHTER ]

SHE WAS SEASONIQUE. AND THAT IS NOT THE ONLY

EXAMPLE. THIS COMPANY HAS STOLEN DOZENS

OF NAMES, NAMED DOZENS OF DRUGS AFTER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY.

>> UH, MRS. WILLIAMS -- >> PLEASE CALL ME LYRICA.

[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S MY NAME, BUT ALSO AN

ANTI-EPILEPSY DRUG. >> THAT'S CERTAINLY INTERESTING.

>> PLEASE, WE HAVE A TEAM THAT NAMES OUR PRODUCTS ACCORDING TO

YEARS OF RESEARCH. THIS IS CLEARLY A COINCIDENCE.

>> OH, REALLY? LET'S LOOK AT SOME OTHER

EXAMPLES, SHALL WE? CELEXA.

>> THAT'S MY COUSIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> FEMARA. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> MY OTHER COUSIN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> ELIQUIS, SHE LIVES DOWN THE WAY.

>> OVER THERE. >> CYMBALTA.

>> SHE IS TROUBLE, BUT SHE'S FUN.

>> MM-HMM. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> ALLEGRA. NOW SHE DOES MY HAIR, NOW SHE

DON'T HAVE A SHOP, SO I GO TO HER HOUSE WHERE SHE HAS A LITTLE

BABY NAMED LITTLE NICORETTE. [ LAUGHTER ]

SO YOU SEE, SIR, THESE PEOPLE AREN'T COMING UP WITH NEW DRUG

NAMES. THEY'RE JUST FLIPPING THROUGH

THE CONTACTS OF MY PHONE. >> THERE DOES APPEAR TO BE

EVIDENCE HERE. >> SIR, THIS IS JUST PAYBACK.

MRS. WILLIAMS WAS RECENTLY LAID OFF FROM MERCK, AND SHE'S

LOOKING FOR RETRIBUTION. >> YOU THINK SO?

WELL, LET ME BRING IN ONE OF MY CO-WORKERS, WHO'S STILL -- IS

EMPLOYED THERE TODAY. COME ON IN.

>> UH, AND YOU ARE? >> LUNESTRA.

[ LAUGHTER ] LUNESTRA CRESTOR HARRISON.

[ LAUGHTER ] AND I WORKED AT MERCK FOR

11 YEARS. BACK IN 2009, I FELL ASLEEP ON

MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD, AND TWO WEEKS LATER THIS COMPANY CAME

OUT WITH A SLEEP AID CALLED LUNESTRA.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS COMPANY HAS TAKEN THE NAMES

OF SO MANY PEOPLE IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, INCLUDING MY

SISTER, PROPECIA. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> OR MY NEPHEW, DAYQUIL. >> WELL, I HAVE TO SAY THAT

SEEMS MORE THAN CIRCUMSTANTIAL. >> PERHAPS.

BUT EVEN IF IT WAS, THERE'S JUST NO PROOF HAVING THE SAME NAMES

AS THE DRUGS HAS CAUSED THE WOMEN ANY HARM.

>> REALLY? YOU THINK IT IS NICE TO BE

ASSOCIATED WITH HIGH CHOLESTEROL AND ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, IT'S TERRIBLE!

I'M SORRY. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> SEE? HE KNOWS THIS IS THE BIGGEST

CORPORATE INJUSTICE SINCE MY AUNT, ACTIVIA, WORKED AT THIS

YOGURT COMPANY. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> IT IS A TRAVESTY. OH, OH, I AM SORRY SIR.

I'M HAVING A LITTLE EPISODE. I NEED MY HUMIRA.

>> OH, THAT'S FINE. CAN WE GET YOU A CLASS OF WATER?

>> NO, HUMIRA ITS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG.

SHE ALWAYS CALMS ME DOWN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU EVEN STOLE HER DOG! [ LAUGHTER ]

>> COME ON. >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE TO SAY THE EVIDENCE IS OVERWHELMING.

>> OKAY. HER CLAIM HAS MERIT.

I AM AWARDING HER THE FULL AMOUNT IN DAMAGES.

THANK YOU ALL. >> SO WE GET THE MONEY.

I CAN FINALLY PUT TYLENOL THROUGH COLLEGE.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY STOLE THAT FROM YOU TOO.