My Ex Needs Time and Space - What Does It Really Mean? - YouTube

Hey, it's Clay again and today I want to talk to you about what it is your ex is time deadline

really means, so maybe you have talked to your ex or been interacting with them in some

way and you know, you're just like, hey man, can, can you just give me a decision on if

you think we're gonna get back together, whatever.

And maybe they just said something like, you know what, I think I just need like two months

to think about this or I just need like a couple of weeks to think about it.

I just need to like X amount of time to think about this.

And so one thing I've noticed that a lot of people do is they'll take that extremely literally

and you know, let's just say that they said I need a month to think about this.

And so they'll go home and they'll like circle on their calendar.

Like one month in a day they'll circle that big red and then like when that day comes

they'll be like, hey, have you made a decision about us yet?

It's been a month.

It's been exactly 30 days and it just goes terribly.

They haven't made a decision as I do it just like blows up at that point.

And the reason for that is because I think number one, a lot of people going through

breakups, maybe youtube, are really Kinda Kinda like hanging on their exes every word.

So you know, if your ex as like, yeah, I need, I need 30 days.

I think about this though, like literally take that as 30 days they will have their

is some kind of computer that will need 30 days to compute this algorithm and give them

the answer about whether or not they'll be together and you know, in 30 days the printout

will come out of their computer and they'll be, we can get back together or whatever and

it doesn't work that way and you know, they'll get caught up on other things to take it literally

my ex isnt attracted to me or all that.

You know, we've talked about that in other videos.

Not going to go to that here.

But, you, you don't need to take this very literally.

You have to look kind of a layer beneath what your ex is and just kind of like understand

the emotional context behind what they're saying.

Again, this is the difference between context and content.

Okay?

Oftentimes people get caught up on the content and they forget to look beneath at the emotional

context about what is going on underneath what is said.

Okay?

So for example, when your ex says something like, I need a month to think about this,

what they're really saying is you're putting a lot of pressure on me right now and I don't

have an answer for you.

And I'm gonna need time.

I want time away from all of this pressure just to kind of, you know, enjoy my life.

Just be away from this pressure of like, Hey, are we gonna?

Get back together.

I love you.

Let's talk about this.

I'm sorry, I want to get back.

You know, they just want to be away from that for awhile and then they'll deal with it later.

Okay.

That's emotionally how they're feeling and for some reason, just to give you amount of

time, they said a month or whatever amount of time they said to you, it's not that they're

going to have an answer for you then it's just they want space away from all that pressure

away from the break away from you for now.

Okay.

And it doesn't mean that when that amount of time has elapsed that they're going to

have an answer for you, that things are going to be better, that anything is gonna change

even at all.

Again, there's nothing magical about that amount of time.

They just wanted space and they gave you that time hoping that you would take that and leave

them alone for at least that amount of time, but you're going to have to be able to see

past that.

You have to be able to see, okay, it's not just about X number of days.

It is about the emotional context underneath all of that and for them and they just want

space.

There's one of the breathing.

They just want to be able to be away from all that pressure or that stress, all that,

you know, expectation and it's not going to be helpful for you and your intentions on

getting back together if, you know, after x amount of time has passed, you come right

back at them with all that pressure and everything.

It's not going to be helpful and they're going to just say, Hey, I need another 30 days or

60 days this time, or I need, you know, 90 days, or I need 365 days or whatever.

And what you want to do is you want to instead realize that the pressure, the expectation,

all of that stuff, that is what's driving them away, that is what's causing them to

ask for this time away.

That's what's causing them to want to pull away emotionally.

And what you want to do is you want to instead not bring that pressure to them.

Okay?

That's why we teach a lot of things about advanced relational skills inside the program,

inside some of these videos and all that stuff.

You know, we, we want you to be able to walk up to ex without expectation, without labels,

without judgment, so that you can have a deep emotional connection that won't repel them

with all of these burdens of expectation and, and stuff like that.

Okay?

Because when you can have an interaction with them that is not laden with all those things,

that is when real connections going to happen, that's when the two of you are going to start

moving back together again.

That's when all the magic and fireworks and all that wonderful stuff is going to happen

and that's when you have a real shot of actually getting back together again.

So don't cling desperately to the x amount of time that your ex said that they needed

for, you know, figuring things out or making a decision or whatever.

It's all arbitrary.

Look deeper at the emotional context behind why they said that and change how you're bringing

yourself to the interaction.

Okay?

And if you'd like help doing all of that, you know, if you're not already on the newsletter,

go down and sign up at relationshipinnergame.com.

It's our newsletter, we'll send out tips and advice to help you get back together with

your ex.

We're real people.

You can send us an email and you will answer you.

And you know, we're, not just robots.

I promise you I'm an actual flesh and blood person here and you know, we will give you

help and we will give you advice if you write into us and, you know, go ahead and sign up

for the newsletter.

What do you got to lose?

You may actually get your ex back.

So, yeah, go head over to relationshipinnergame.com.

You can sign up there.

And again, this is Clay and thank you very much.