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Trump-Ukraine Call Log Clearly Demonstrates Quid Pro Quo Demand - YouTube
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WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
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I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN--<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GET OUT YOUR SEXTANTS, YOUR
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COMPASS, YOUR ASTROLABES BECAUSE
WE ARE IN UNCHARTED WATERS.
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BECAUSE AFTER TWO AND A HALF
YEARS OF THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY,
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WE FINALLY SPOTTED THE GREAT
ORANGE WHALE, AND LET ME TELL
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YOU, THAR HE BLOWS.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
, THIS MORNING-- THIS MORNING,
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THE ADMINISTRATION, FOR SOME
REASON, RELEASED THE OFFICIAL
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NOTES OF TRUMP'S PHONE CALL WITH
UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT VOLODYMYR
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ZELENSKY.
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SEEN HERE THRILLING HIS FANS
WITH "CRAZY TRAIN."
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AND THESE NOTES THAT THEY
RELEASED OF THIS PHONE CALL MAKE
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TRUMP LOOK-- AND I DON'T WANT TO
GET TOO TECHNICAL-- BAD.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THE CALL STARTS WITH TRUMP
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CONGRATULATING ZELENSKY ON HIS
RECENT VICTORY IN PARLIAMENTARY
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ELECTIONS, BUT THEN HE QUICKLY
REMINDS ZELENKSY HOW MUCH
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UKRAINE OWES THE U.S.
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"THE UNITED STATES HAS BEEN
VERY, VERY GOOD TO UKRAINE.
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I WOULDN'T SAY THAT IT'S
RECIPROCAL."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
(AS TRUMP)
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"I WOULDN'T SAY IT'S BEEN
RECIPROCAL, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
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WHAT THAT WORD MEANS.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
I'M JUST SAYING-- ALL I'M
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SAYING--<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
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LOOK, VOLODY, ALL I'M SAYING.
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I SCRATCH YOUR BACK.
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YOU HELP ME BURY JOE BIDEN'S
POLITICAL CAREER IN A
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SHALLOW GRAVE IN THE WOODS DOWN
BY THE DUMP."
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ZELENKSY IMMEDIATELY PICKED UP
ON IT.
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"YES, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
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NOT ONLY 100%, BUT ACTUALLY
1000%."
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THIS GUY SPEAKS TRUMP'S
LANGUAGE.
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(AS ZELENSKY)
"NOT JUST 100%, 1000%.
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MANY ARE SAYING THE MOST BIGLY
PERCENTS ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN,
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FAKE NEWS, WITCH HUNT, NO
COLLUSION.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
OKAY.
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LET'S COLLUDE."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
ZELENKSY TRUMPED ON:
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"I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR YOUR GREAT SUPPORT IN THE
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AREA OF DEFENSE.
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WE ARE READY TO CONTINUE TO
COOPERATE FOR THE NEXT STEPS.
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SPECIFICALLY, WE ARE ALMOST
READY TO BUY MORE JAVELINS FROM
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THE UNITED STATES FOR DEFENSE
PURPOSES."
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YES, WE'RE SELLING THEM
JAVELINS.
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BUT IF RUSSIAN TANKS ROLL INTO
KIEV, WE WILL UPGRADE THEM TO
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THE SHOT-PUT AND DISCUS.
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MAYBE HAMMER THROW.
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WELL-- HA-HA-- TURNS OUT
JAVELINS ARE A MISSILE SYSTEM
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THAT WE WERE SENDING U.K. TO
FIGHT THE RUSSIANS
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WHO INVADED THEIR COUNTRY, BUT
WE STOPPED THAT RIGHT BEFORE
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THIS PHONE CALL.
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ZELENSKY SAYS HE WANTS THOSE
MISSILES, AND HERE COMES THE
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QUID PRO QUOTE.
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TRUMP IMMEDIATELY SAYS, "I WOULD
LIKE YOU TO DO US A FAVOR,
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THOUGH."
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( BELL RINGING )
(AS GAME SHOW HOST)
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"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, OUR
CONTESTANT HAS SAID TODAY'S
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SECRET WORDS: THE PHRASE THAT
PAYS THE UKRAINE IN EXCHANGE FOR
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-- THE PHRASE THAT PAYS THE
UKRAINIAN IN EXCHANGE FOR
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POLITICAL FAVORS!
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TELL THE PRESIDENT WHAT HE'S
WON!"
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(AS GAMESHOW ANNOUNCER)
"IT'S PROTRACTED IMPEACHMENT
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INQUIRY, A PERMANENT STAIN ON
HIS ALREADY SHAMEFUL LEGACY, AND
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A LOVELY BROYHILL DINETTE SET.
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BROYHILL: EAT CROW IN STYLE!"
NOW, FIRST, TRUMP ASKED IF THEY
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COULD FIND HILLARY'S EMAIL
SERVER FROM 2016.
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THAT WAS THE FIRST FAVOR.
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THEN, TRUMP NAMED THE FOREIGN
INTERFERENCE HE WANTED IN OUR
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2020 ELECTION.
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"THE OTHER THING, THERE'S A LOT
OF TALK ABOUT BIDEN'S SON, THAT
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BIDEN STOPPED THE PROSECUTION,
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT TO FIND
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OUT ABOUT THAT, SO WHATEVER YOU
CAN DO WITH THE ATTORNEY GENERAL
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WOULD BE GREAT.
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WE DO A LOT FOR YOU, LIKE
MISSILES.
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I NEED A FAVOR, THOUGH,
INVESTIGATE BIDEN.
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THERE IT IS: PRESSURING A
FOREIGN COUNTRY TO PROVIDE DIRT
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TO INFLUENCE OUR ELECTION.
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THEY SHOULD HOLD THE IMPEACHMENT
NOW.
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ALL IN FAVOR, SAY YEA.
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>> YAY!
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>> YAY!
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: NOW, THE ATTORNEY
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GENERAL TRUMP MENTIONED IS OUR
ATTORNEY GENERAL.
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SEVERAL TIMES IN THE PHONE CALL,
HE SAID HE WOULD HAVE WILLIAM
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BARR CALL ZELENSKY TO HELP
UKRAINE DIG UP DIRT ON TRUMP'S
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POLITICAL ENEMIES.
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BUT TODAY, BARR DENIED
INVOLVEMENT IN TRUMP'S SMEAR
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CAMPAIGN AGAINST BIDEN.
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EY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, BILLY,
DON'T YOU TRUST YOUR OLD BUDDY
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DON?
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HE'LL PROTECT YOU THE SAME WAY
HE PROTECTED HIS OTHER FRIENDS:
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PAUL MANAFORT AND MICHAEL COHEN.
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THEY BOTH GET FREE CLOTHES,
COMFY BEDS, AND MAGIC TOILETS
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THAT MAKE WINE.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
AND WHEN TRUMP TOLD ZELENSKY
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THAT GIULIANI WOULD ALSO BE IN
TOUCH, HE TOLD THE MOST
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OUTRAGEOUS LIE OF ALL:
"MR. GIULIANI IS A HIGHLY
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RESPECTED MAN."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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(AS TRUMP)
"YOU DON'T GET CABLE TV IN
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UKRAINE DO YOU?
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NO?
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GOOD.
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VERY HIGHLY RESPECTED.
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VERY HIGHLY RESPECTED.
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ALSO, VERY HUMAN TEETH, VERY."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
NOW, TRUMP'S DEFENSE HAS NOT
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BEEN EXACTLY WELL ORGANIZED
TODAY.
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THIS MORNING, A POLITICO
REPORTER TWEETED: "HMMM, THE
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WHITE HOUSE JUST SENT ITS
TALKING POINTS ON UKRAINE TO
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HOUSE DEMOCRATS."
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BUT ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER
SENDING THE DEMS THEIR INSIDER
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COMMUNICATION STRATEGY, SOURCES
SAY THE WHITE HOUSE JUST SENT A
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FOLLOW-UP TO RECALL THE EMAIL."
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HOUSE DEMOCRATS RESPONDED WITH
THEIR OWN EMAIL.
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"L.O.L, SORRY, NO BACKSIES.
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IM-PEACH."
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THE WHITE HOUSE'S TALKING POINTS
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ARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT,
WITH CLAIMS LIKE, "WHAT THE
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PRESIDENT ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT
WAS ENTIRELY PROPER."
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AND, "THIS IS JUST ANOTHER
EXAMPLE OF THE DEEP STATE, THE
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MEDIA, AND DEMOCRATS DAMAGING
OUR NATIONAL SECURITY FOR
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POLITICAL GAIN."
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AND "THE TRANSCRIPT CLEARLY
SHOWS THERE WAS NO QUID PRO
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QUO."
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YES, ALL HE DID WAS SUGGEST NO
MORE MILITARY AID UNLESS THEY
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INVESTIGATED BIDEN.
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THAT'S JUST QUID PRO JOE.
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WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING TO
HAPPEN HERE, IT'S ANYBODY'S
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GUESS.
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BUT THIS PHONE CALL IS PRETTY
DAMNING.
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SO, A VISIBLY MIFFED TRUMP
BUT ALSO EXHAUSTED DONALD TRUMP,
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TALKED ABOUT THE CALL WITH
REPORTERS AT THE U.N., AND SAID
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IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
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>> THERE WAS NO PRESSURE.
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THE WAY YOU HAD IT BUILT UP,
THAT CALL, IT WAS GOING TO BE
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THE CALL FROM HELL.
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IT TURNED OUT TO BE A NOTHING
CALL OTHER THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE
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SAID, "I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD BE
SO NICE."
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>> Stephen: YES.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
YES, IT'S TRUE.
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PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW TRUMP COULD
BE SO NICE-- SPECIFICALLY, DON
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JR. AND ERIC.
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(AS ERIC)
"WAIT, DAD, YOU OFFERED TO GIVE
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STUFF TO THAT UKRAINIAN GUY?
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WHY DID YOU OFFER THAT GUY
STUFF?
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I THOUGHT YOU SAID PRESENTS
WERE FOR THE WEAK!
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SANTA IS GONNA GET AN EARFUL
FROM ME IN MY NEXT LETTER."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
HE ALSO INSISTED-- HE ALSO
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INSISTED--<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
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♪ ♪ ♪
HE ALSO INSISTED THAT THERE WAS
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NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
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>> IT'S THE SINGLE GREATEST
WITCH HUNT IN AMERICAN HISTORY,
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PROBABLY IN HISTORY, BUT IN
AMERICAN HISTORY.
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IT'S A DISGRACEFUL THING.
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THE LETTER WAS A GREAT LETTER,
MEANING THE LETTER REVEALING THE
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CALL.
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>> Stephen: (AS TRUMP)
"THE LETTER WAS A GREAT LETTER,
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THAT WAS ACTUALLY A CALL.
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BRRRNG-BRRNG.
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OH, MY MAILBOX IS RINGING.
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HELLO?
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SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
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I'M ALL OUT OF STAMPS."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THEN, THIS AFTERNOON, TRUMP SAT
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DOWN AT THE U.N. WITH THE
UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT.
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THEIR JOINT PRESS CONFERENCE
BEGAN WITH TRUMP EXPLAINING JUST
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HOW WELL HE KNEW THE UKRAINIAN
PEOPLE.
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>> I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM
UKRAINE,
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THEY'RE GREAT PEOPLE, AND I OWN
SOMETHING CALLED THE "MISS
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UNIVERSE PAGEANT."
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WE HAD A WINNER FROM UKRAINE,
AND WE HAVE REALLY HAD-- WE GOT
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TO KNOW THE COUNTRY VERY WELL IN
A LOT OF DIFFERENT WAYS.
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>> Stephen: (AS TRUMP)
"THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT
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TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT THE
UKRAINIAN PEOPLE.
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THEY ARE ALL VERY TALL, VERY
BLOND, VERY THIN.
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THEY WEAR SWIMSUITS AND HIGH
HEELS.
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THEY HAVE A SASH THAT SAYS
'UKRAINE' ON IT, AND THEY HAVE
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NO LOCK ON THEIR DRESSING ROOM
DOORS.
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CULTURE."
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IT'S A TRUE STORY.
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BY THE WAY-- AND I'M SURE YOU
SAW THIS COMING-- UKRAINE HAS
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NEVER WON MISS UNIVERSE.
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IT'S JUST ANOTHER LIE.
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OR MAYBE SHE WON MISS ALTERNATE
UNIVERSE, WHICH IS WHERE I WISH
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I LIVED RIGHT NOW.
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BUT POLITICS AREN'T THE ONLY
THING ZELENSKY ADMIRES ABOUT
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PRESIDENT TRUMP.
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IN THE PHONE CALL HE ALSO SAID,
"LAST TIME I TRAVELED TO THE
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UNITED STATES, I STAYED IN NEW
YORK NEAR CENTRAL PARK, AND I
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STAYED AT THE TRUMP TOWER."
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YES, IN FACT, HE STAYED IN THE
DON JR. MEMORIAL RUSSIAN
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COLLUDE-ROOM.
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"HE LOVED IT, ESPECIALLY LATER
IN THE SUMMER."
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AND TRUMP HAD A GREAT SUGGESTION
FOR HIS NEW BEST FRIEND:
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WHY NOT SIT DOWN WITH HIS OLD
BEST FRIEND.
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>> I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU AND
PRESIDENT PUTIN GET TOGETHER AND
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CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.
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>> Stephen: AH, YES, THAT MOMENT
WHERE YOUR RIDICULOUS ACTIONS
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FINALLY CATCH UP WITH YOU.
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CAN WE SEE THAT AGAIN?
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>> I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU AND
PRESIDENT PUTIN GET TOGETHER AND
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CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.
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THAT WOULD BE A TREMENDOUS
ACHIEVEMENT.
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♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: IT WORKS.
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IT WORKS.
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>> Stephen: AND HE ENDED WITH A
FAIRLY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT THAT
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TRUMP MADE UP.
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>> NANCY PELOSI, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, UNFORTUNATELY, SHE IS
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NO LONGER THE SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE.
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>> Stephen: WHAT?
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WAIT.
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WHAT, I JUST-- IT'S THAT SEAS?
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WELL, IN THAT CASE, DONALD
TRUMP, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
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UNFORTUNATELY, IS NO LONGER
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU.
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RENEE ZELLWEGER IS HERE.
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BUT WHEN WE RETURN, A VERY
SPECIAL GUEST IN TOWN FROM THE
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U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY.
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STICK AROUND!
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