🔍
I read 100 self-help books. Here’s what I learned… - YouTube
Channel: Matt D'Avella
[0]
- It wasn't that long ago that self-help
[1]
was seen as a secret vice.
[4]
You might quietly browse
the self-help section
[6]
at a bookstore
[7]
or attend a live conference
without telling your wife
[10]
- You gotta be before you can do.
[12]
You gotta do before you can have.
[14]
- And, oh, how times have changed.
[16]
Self-help has gone from
fringe to mainstream,
[19]
from cringe to binge
[21]
- How the fuck is everyone?
[23]
We can't get enough of it,
from courses to documentaries
[25]
and surprisingly handsome YouTubers.
[28]
The self-help industry is in Vogue.
[30]
And while the mediums
[32]
with which we consume
it continue to change,
[34]
the backbone has always
been the self-help book.
[37]
Over the past six years,
[38]
the number of self-help
books released in the US
[41]
has nearly tripled growing from
30,000 to over 85,000 books.
[46]
And I read 100 of them
[47]
from the "Power of Now" to "Deep Work"
[50]
to "Daring Greatly" and
"Awaken the Giant Within"
[53]
You can say that I have
a bit of a problem,
[55]
but I've learned so much
[56]
from reading so many of them
and the lessons I learned
[59]
might change the way
you look at self-help.
[62]
This is one of the best selling
self-help books ever written
[66]
first published in 1936 by Dale Carnegie.
[68]
"How to Win Friends and
Influence People" is a classic.
[71]
In the book he quotes
a British philosopher,
[74]
Herbert Spencer, who said
the great aim of education
[77]
is not knowledge, but action.
[80]
And this is an action book.
[82]
And this lesson from over 100 years ago
[84]
is one of the most important
lessons I've learned
[86]
from reading over 100 self-help books.
[89]
Taking action no matter how small
[91]
is the key to making progress.
[93]
You can devour all the
self-help books in the world,
[96]
but if you're not actually
implementing the concepts
[98]
you're learning, you may
as well be reading fiction.
[101]
So if you're reading a
book about personal finance
[103]
then test out the author's suggestion
[104]
to pay for everything with cash.
[106]
If you're reading a book about exercise
[108]
then take the author's advice
to dust off your sneakers
[110]
and walk 10,000 steps a day.
[112]
If the goal is to actually
make improvements in your life,
[115]
whether it's for your business
finances or mental health,
[118]
it's essential to make sure
[119]
that you're taking these
small steps forward
[121]
not just theorizing,
what might actually work.
[123]
A good rule of thumb is to
pick at least three concepts
[126]
from every book and to put
them into practice immediately.
[129]
The best books make it easy.
[131]
One of the most memorable
examples for me came from a book
[134]
called "The Flinch" in the book author
[136]
Julian Smith shows how we often
flinch in the face of fear.
[140]
He uses the example of an amateur boxer.
[143]
The first few times someone
throws a jab at a boxer's face,
[146]
they're going to flinch
out of sheer instinct,
[148]
but if you wanna be world class
[150]
or even have a decent shot
at not getting your kicked
[153]
you need to retrain this instinct.
[155]
The same goes for creative pursuits
[157]
and living a meaningful life.
[159]
In the book he says, want
a real visceral example
[162]
of what the flinch feels like?
[163]
Try this when you're at
home and have five minutes,
[166]
go to your bathroom
[167]
walk up to your shower and
turn on the cold water.
[170]
He then encourages the
reader to ditch the excuses
[173]
and jump straight into the ice cold water.
[176]
I distinctly remember reading
the section of the book
[178]
years ago and thinking
there is no way in hell
[180]
that I'm gonna jump into
a cold shower right now.
[183]
But the more I thought about it
[184]
the more I realized, you know what?
[185]
Maybe I actually should be
putting some of these lessons
[188]
into practice.
[189]
Maybe I should embrace the
flinch and see what happens.
[192]
And so I jumped into a cold shower.
[195]
As Julian explains when we
repeatedly expose ourselves
[198]
to these kinds of finches,
both big and small,
[201]
from asking out that cute stranger
[203]
to giving a live talk in
front of hundreds of people,
[205]
we can start to overcome fear
and build the life we want.
[209]
The truth is most people
don't actually finish
[211]
the books they start let alone
put the lessons into action.
[214]
As Tony Robbins writes
in the opening chapter
[217]
of his classic book,
"Awaken the Giant Within"
[219]
less than 10% of people who buy a book
[222]
read past the first chapter.
[224]
I challenge you not only
to do whatever it takes
[226]
to read this book in its entirety,
[228]
unlike the masses who quit,
[229]
but also to use what you
learn in simple ways each day.
[233]
When I look at the list
of the 100 self-help books
[235]
that I've read,
[236]
it's almost impossible to remember
[238]
more than two or three
takeaways from each book
[241]
yet they're all brimming
with life changing insights.
[245]
One of the biggest
mistakes I made early on
[247]
was not taking better notes while reading.
[249]
While I've since fixed this bad habit,
[251]
I was often too precious with my books.
[253]
I didn't want to earmark the
pages or annotate the text,
[256]
but if you read a lot
[257]
it's essential to track the
important lessons and takeaways
[260]
that you glean from the pages.
[261]
Otherwise, it'll just go in
one ear and out the other.
[264]
Author Ryan Holladay is religious
[266]
about note taking while reading.
[269]
He says the key to my
system is the ritual,
[271]
read a book or an article and
diligently mark the passages
[274]
and portions that stand out to you.
[276]
If you have a thought,
write it down on the page.
[278]
So the exact system isn't as important
[280]
as having a simple way to
capture and organize information.
[284]
It's all about finding a
strategy that works for you.
[287]
So highlight the best ideas,
[290]
underline the most thoughtful quotes,
[291]
use post-it notes to remember
the most impactful sections
[294]
or keep a notes app open while reading.
[296]
If you read a hundred self-help books
[297]
and you don't take any
notes on what you learn,
[299]
you're gonna be wasting so much time.
[302]
You'll wanna come back to this
information in the future.
[304]
So you need to make it as easy as possible
[306]
to find exactly what you're looking for
[308]
because oftentimes the things
that are taught in these books
[310]
need to be relearned over
and over and over again.
[313]
This is one of the reasons
[314]
that I've started to read
physical books again,
[316]
the convenience of audio books
[317]
and digital e-readers is huge.
[320]
And I still use them to this day,
[322]
but nothing beats reading
from an actual book.
[325]
Sure the tactile feeling
of reading a book is nice,
[327]
but it's also easier to take notes
[329]
find exactly what you're
looking for in the future
[332]
and it's so much more sticky
[334]
for your brain to read
from a physical book
[337]
than to listen to an audio book.
[338]
One of the biggest benefits that I found
[339]
from reading self-help books
[340]
is that the authors
essentially became my mentors.
[344]
When I got started out, I
didn't have actual mentors.
[347]
I didn't personally know anyone
[348]
who had started a freelance
filmmaking business
[350]
or who had made a feature
length documentary
[352]
or who made YouTube videos for a living.
[354]
I'm not sure where to look,
[355]
I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
[357]
I had nobody to talk to about this stuff.
[359]
So I relied on books instead,
while I couldn't hop on a call
[362]
with Brene brown, Seth
Godin or Gretchen Rubin,
[365]
I could open up a book
[367]
to learn everything they have
to share about leadership,
[369]
marketing and happiness.
[370]
There's a disproportionate amount of value
[372]
in self-help books.
[373]
Think about it.
[374]
For just $15, you can get access
[376]
to some of the smartest
people in the world
[378]
to hear how they approached
some of the same obstacles
[381]
that you're facing today.
[382]
If you're not reading
self-help books right now,
[384]
you're missing out on a
ton of invaluable content
[387]
that could change your life
and save you a lot of time.
[390]
But that said, just because
something worked for the author
[392]
doesn't mean it's going to work for you.
[394]
One of the biggest
mistakes that people make
[396]
while reading self-help
books is to blindly follow
[399]
whatever advice is being shared.
[401]
As Katie milkman argues in
her book "How to Change"
[404]
when policy makers,
organizations or scientists
[407]
applied one size fits all
strategy to change behavior,
[410]
the results were mixed, but
when they began by asking
[413]
what stood in the way of progress
[415]
and then developed targeted
strategies to change behavior
[419]
the results were far better.
[421]
The best self help books
challenge us to think critically.
[424]
The worst ask us to blindly
follow a step by step plan.
[428]
As a reader,
[428]
it's your responsibility
to question everything
[431]
and ask yourself, how can I
adapt this to work for my life?
[434]
If you're a gentle, empathetic person
[436]
that aggressive sales advice
you read in that marketing book
[439]
is probably never gonna feel right for you
[441]
no matter how well the
author promises it'll work.
[443]
Oh, you wanna play hardball?
[444]
Huh?
[446]
Well, that's great because
when it comes to balls
[446]
I'm the one that's gonna be
rubbing you the wrong way.
[449]
Oh, my God.
[450]
I didn't mean it like that.
[451]
I am so sorry.
[452]
What's important is to be able
to go in with an open mind,
[455]
find three things that you can test
[457]
and hopefully find one thing
that'll stick for the long run.
[460]
This of course doesn't always happen,
[462]
but it's a really good goal to stick to.
[464]
The best thing about
self-help becoming mainstream
[467]
and democratized is that
there's something for everyone
[469]
at every stage of their
self-development journey
[472]
whether you're looking
to build better habits,
[474]
improve your focus, get
healthier, or simply feel happier.
[477]
You can gain advice from
someone who's already done it,
[480]
but what's important to remember
[481]
is that ultimately self-help
is about the self, that's you.
[484]
With every piece of content you consume,
[486]
consider how you can be
an active participant
[488]
in your own journey by
questioning, implementing
[491]
and taking action in your own life.
[493]
Because while it's great
to take inspiration
[495]
from some of these brilliant
thinkers who came before you,
[498]
you need to be your own guru.
[499]
So if you want more anti
preachy, non-prescriptive
[503]
self-help advice that
you can instantly apply
[506]
to your own life,
[507]
then you might enjoy my weekly
newsletter called Snail Mail,
[510]
get original articles and a digest
[512]
of the best self development content
[514]
on the internet every Monday.
[515]
People have been saying some
really nice things about it.
[518]
I couldn't put it down
[519]
because of how interesting
the topics were.
[521]
It was so much more than
I expected it to be.
[524]
Snail Mail is so (beep) good.
[527]
You can sign up for these
free Monday morning emails
[529]
at slowgrowth.com/newsletter.
[533]
Or you can click the little link
[534]
in the description below this video.
[536]
Hope you enjoyed this one.
[537]
Thank you so much for watching.
Most Recent Videos:
You can go back to the homepage right here: Homepage