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Being childfree by choice: five women on why they decided not to have kids - YouTube
Channel: The Guardian
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I love to play with children I think
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there I think children are brilliant I
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think you have so much to teach and
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don't so I appreciate them for that I
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just won't be having my own
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the world perceives child-free women in
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the most negative light possible I think
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it's not a need for a woman anymore we
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don't need to have children we we find
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that our own happiness is more important
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or mental health is more important
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we have been called selfish we've been
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called narcissists which is kind of
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strange I do have a co-worker who
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recently had a baby all of my other
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co-workers were like ogling over him and
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and making silly faces and I'm just like
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typing away I was like computer I'm
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still wearing new and I didn't want to
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have children it's hard to say only
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because I don't ever feel like I did I
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don't know what the feeling is like to
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want to have children you know when I
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ain't in groups and they are persons
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talking about wanting children and I
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don't know how to respond in middle
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school and one of my friends she said
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she never had the desire to have kids
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and she said that and I was like oh oh I
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can I didn't realize that that was an
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option and when she said that I was like
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I don't know if I want to have kids
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either what really sealed the deal for
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me was my time as a teacher and my time
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as a nanny
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I remember feeling two different ways
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about my students one was that I wanted
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to adopt them all and keep them and
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taking a take care of them and love them
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and nurture them and then the other part
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of me was like oh my gosh this is all
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day every day and that's when the first
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seeds of maybe this isn't for me started
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to spring up I knew for sure that having
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kids was not what I wanted to do because
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of my gut instinctive reaction which was
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kind of like illness kind of like kind
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of like a tunnel that just shot out in
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front of me and looked very very dark
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I find it very interesting that a lot of
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the people who do give me pushback I'm
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not wanting to have kids are women if
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you are women and you don't understand
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why somebody else doesn't want to have
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kids learn about it ask about it don't
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immediately like to shut them down or
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think that they're heartless I don't
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think that I'm a heartless person hands
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down
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responses from women are way worse with
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with men it's more like a curiosity like
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oh how did you come to this decision
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women see it as an invitation to
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convince me otherwise it's oh not right
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now but you want some in the future
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what are you gonna do when you're old
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and you're alone whatever I want that's
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what I'll do regret is another threat
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also you'll regret it when you get older
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the thing about regret is you don't
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regret not doing what you don't want to
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do my parents know I don't want kids
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they've known pretty much my whole life
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I've kind of prepped them already like
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don't ask because you know the answer in
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terms of pressure from my family I don't
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get it quite so much from my parents
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but I do get it from my grandmother
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pressure to marry somebody Jewish so
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that I could raise Jewish kids I
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understand that she's like come where
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she's coming from and like I know she
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just wants the best for me but at the
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end of the day I always end the
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conversation saying it's my decision
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it's my life identify - Athena my father
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is from the Dominican Republic
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he's has African roots my mother is from
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Puerto Rico so when I think about you
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know if I were raising a child in this
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world a black child in this world you
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can't control how other people perceive
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that my mother was bent on me having
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kids oh they would be so perfect but
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I've spoken to them and I've started
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saying I'm pushing 40 and my time is up
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and I've been saying that since I was 35
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about 36 but it seems to work my
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stepmother was we were fighting and she
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said you'll see what this is like when
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you have kids and I said I'm never
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having kids and she said yes you will
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you don't know what you want you'll
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change your mind you'll see you know
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what doesn't occur to people is that a
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five-year-old could walk up to a
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grown-up and say I can't wait to be a
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mommy when I grow
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and they will never say you'll change
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your mind but if the little
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five-year-old girl comes up and says I
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don't want kids she's loony or she's you
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know she's too young she can't possibly
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know her mind guys in my past have been
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like oh she'll make a great mom this is
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perfect it's been important to find
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someone who is interested in and cares
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about me for me and not what I can
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produce for him
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like I have tinder and like I'll see you
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guys on there that are like maybe 10
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years older than me and they're like
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looking to start a family I'm like
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that's probably the worst thing you
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could put in your bio cuz that's making
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every woman run away I mean at least
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that's how I see it nowadays dating in
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New York City is really tough and I
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don't go any more than look at three or
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four dates
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not on purpose just because you know
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dating sucks but it hasn't come up it
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hasn't become a deal breaker up to this
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point my partner and I were very serious
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in our relationship once we moved in
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bought a home he and I hadn't discussion
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about what the ring wanted children and
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both of us agreed that we don't I think
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he just agreed with my decision not to
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move or sold anything um cuz he respects
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whatever I decide to do with my body
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soon there are lots of other things that
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make a woman a woman caring and
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nurturing I love teaching and the
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passing on of like traditions and
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culture and knowledge well that stuff
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that goes with being a woman but I don't
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have to have a child to do that why
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can't women have that independence why
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can't women have all these careers or
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have these passions that that are
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unhindered by any sort of extra
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responsibility placed on them there's
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something about women who don't want
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kids that is in a way threatening in the
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same way a happily single woman is
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threatening you want to have kids that's
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fine I need you to respect my life
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choice not to have kids it's a two-way
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street
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women aren't allowed to ocelli make
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decisions in a very
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Way was supposed to just follow a script
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and I think because women who have
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chosen to be childless aren't following
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that script it makes it look really
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uncomfortable there's no one way to be a
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woman we all just want the best for
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ourselves
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so so let's let's all accept that
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