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Black People Play 'Black Card Revoked' - YouTube
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[0]
- You in the car, she turn around and go,
[1]
"Don't touch nothing,
don't look at nothing,
[4]
don't ask for nothing, or
you get a ass whooping."
[8]
(electronic music)
[13]
- She's gonna lose her black card today.
[15]
- First of all, Carlton Banks over here...
[18]
- I'm just hoping to
at least keep one card.
[20]
I feel like cats have nine lives,
[22]
I feel like we should get
more than one black card.
[24]
- There are levels to blackness.
[26]
- You lose an Uno card,
you're still playing Uno.
[28]
- The game is not over.
[29]
- Nor do you win.
[30]
- Ron is like soy milk, gluten-free black.
[35]
- Oh, it's been through some things.
[37]
- Well, yes, it's a black card.
[38]
- Now I'm scared to lose it.
[39]
(funky music)
[62]
- Oh, this gives me anxiety.
[64]
(Key laughs)
[65]
I'm not a good test-taker, God.
[67]
- Stop, drop,
[69]
shut 'em down open up shop.
- shut 'em down open up shop.
[72]
- You're gonna stop--
[72]
It's, yeah--
[74]
- Drop, shut 'em down,
[75]
open up shop
- Open up shop.
[76]
- The thing is...
[78]
- There are several answers.
[80]
- This is a multifaceted question.
[82]
Now, if you're dealing with police,
[85]
stop and get a camera.
[86]
- I have no idea what any of that is.
[91]
Can we phone a friend?
[92]
- Is this from the Bible?
[93]
- No!
[94]
- You know what, Brenda
sounds like it might have--
[96]
- No, Brenda had a baby.
[97]
- [Q] I think it's C.
[98]
- I might just roll with you on C,
[100]
because I know it ain't D.
[101]
- Purple rain, purple rain
- Oh...
[106]
- Wow.
[107]
- Apollonia is a Kanye West line.
[111]
I don't know what he's referencing,
[112]
or what it is, but I'm
just gonna go with that,
[114]
because I don't know.
[114]
(bell dings)
[115]
God is good.
[116]
- Did you get that right?
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- I did, indeed.
[118]
- Look at you!
[119]
- The thing is, I asked
if it was a Bible verse
[120]
and God heard me, and so he said,
[122]
"It's not, but here's the answer."
[123]
- It was the Holy Spirit.
[124]
- Give it to God.
[125]
- Mmm, bless.
- Blessed be.
[126]
- Look at you.
[127]
- Oh, this is easy.
[128]
- I kinda wanna test it out.
[129]
I wanna be introduced to him,
[131]
and if he, like, doesn't open up
[133]
and tell me kind of, like, his fears
[134]
and all of his traumas...
[136]
- His, like, credit card number.
[137]
- Yeah, like, I wanna
see what Future will do.
[139]
- [Key] Young Metro don't
trust you, I'ma fight you.
[141]
- He's the producer.
[143]
Oh, you gave me the answer?
[144]
- This is mine.
[145]
My answer.
[146]
- Give us all black people
you'd probably have to be
[147]
over the age of, like,
50, to get that one wrong.
[150]
- I mean, I'll put up
C because she said it.
[152]
Is it fight?
[154]
Oh!
[155]
- If Young Metro don't trust
you, I'ma shoot you, eh.
[159]
- In the car, she'd turn
off the car, look back,
[163]
don't ask for nothing,
don't look at nothing,
[166]
do not touch anything.
[169]
- In that order.
[170]
- All of them.
[171]
- Whose mom said one of them?
[172]
- Yeah, yeah, it's like--
[173]
- You know what, you don't look at it,
[175]
but you can touch it.
- Touch it.
[177]
- Definitely D
- Yeah, definitely D is right.
[178]
- All of the above.
[179]
- That's how you gotta
huddle up, it's like,
[181]
Y'all don't touch shit,
y'all don't do nothing.
[183]
You do a little break.
[185]
Break!
- Break
[186]
- Now who put diabetes in there.
[187]
(laughs)
[188]
You ain't right.
[189]
- I'm gonna go with A, B, and C.
[192]
- You like grape drink?
[194]
- No, but black people do.
[196]
- I don't give a fuck what you say,
[197]
everybody like fried chicken,
[199]
but we just be flexing
it better than everybody.
[200]
- I guess fried chicken and...
[203]
- Grape drink.
[205]
I will say that my authentic
stereotypical black self
[208]
loves me some fried chicken.
[210]
- I think I would say B, grape Kool-Aid.
[212]
(buzzer buzzing)
[214]
- Fried chicken, live and die by the bird.
[216]
- That's why they think you like diabetes.
[217]
- That's fine.
[218]
- That's a good question.
[219]
- Yeah, yeah, 'cause
it was a lot of options
[220]
- All them options
could get you messed up.
[222]
- Depending on who you fucking with.
[224]
- [Amal] Oh, that's hard.
[225]
- I'll fight everybody for all of these.
[228]
- I'm gonna go with A.
[229]
The potato salad is a staple of a cookout.
[231]
- I might have to go with
walking in and not speaking,
[233]
'cause you don't gotta
bring something every time,
[235]
'cause some people know
that you can't cook.
[237]
- A
[238]
- I personally don't like potato salad.
[239]
I say renege during
Spades, are you kidding?
[241]
- Uh, yeah.
[242]
I think you could get shot for doing that.
[244]
(laughs)
[245]
- You walk in and you see grandma,
[246]
you just don't say nothing,
[247]
and you brought somebody with you--
[249]
- It don't even matter your attitude,
[250]
it don't matter how you feeling.
[251]
You better walk in and say something.
[253]
- You could be smiling, but
you better open your mouth.
[255]
- Mom, I'm pretty sure,
has said this to me, like,
[257]
in Somali.
[258]
- Really?
[259]
(laughs)
[260]
- It's a universal language.
[261]
- [Shauna] It is a universal language.
[263]
It's the black parents' love language.
[266]
- First of all can you
imagine your black momma
[267]
turn around saying, "Get a clue."
[269]
(laughs)
[271]
- Straight up, you would need some D.
[273]
You would need some McDonald's money.
[274]
- Anything, just anything.
[276]
It's not just McDonald's.
[277]
Ma, can I get this new toy?
[278]
Better have some damn toy money.
[280]
Oh, Mom, can I go here?
[281]
You better have some here money.
[282]
- Hey, mom, prom coming up.
[283]
You got prom money?
[284]
- You got field trip money?
[285]
It's $3, mom, pipe down.
[287]
- It's a universal
thing, everyone knows it.
[289]
I think they give it soon
as you birth a black child.
[292]
They immediately give you a handbook,
[294]
and the first page says,
[296]
"Repeat at every acceptable situation."
[299]
- No, but you gotta say
it to your babies, too.
[301]
You got formula money?
[302]
- I hear you crying, you got diaper money?
[305]
- Right
[306]
- That feels good to know that
[306]
my black card is able to
be held on to for today.
[310]
- Did you ever doubt that we
were gonna have them revoked?
[313]
No.
[315]
- This is dumb, I don't think
I should lose my black card.
[319]
Who's getting cussed out for
not speaking at a cookout,
[322]
because, especially in 2018,
Cardi B already addressed this.
[325]
- If I don't see you and I don't speak...
[327]
It means I don't fuck with you.
[329]
(electronic music)
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