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The Tariff President Says 'We Don't Have Tariffs' - YouTube
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BUT THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN
CONSISTENT ON ONE THING:
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BRAGGING ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET.
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BUT IT'S SHOWN A LOT OF
VOLATILITY LATELY, IN PART
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BECAUSE FIRMS NATIONWIDE ARE
WORRIED ABOUT THE RISING HIT
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FROM TRUMP'S STEEP TARIFFS.
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FOR A WHILE ON WEDNESDAY, THE
DOW FELL SO FAR, IT ERASED ALL
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OF THE GAINS FROM 2018.
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WE'RE BACK WHERE WE WERE AT THE
END OF 2017, WHICH MEANS IT'S
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TIME TO START EATING TIDE PODS
AGAIN.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Jon: MMMM.
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DON'T DO THAT AT HOME.
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>> Stephen: NO LETTERS.
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NO LETTERS.
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DON'T DO THAT.
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BUT IN AN INTERVIEW WITH "THE
WALL STREET JOURNAL" THIS WEEK,
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TRUMP DENIED EVERYTHING.
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WHEN THE REPORTER SAID, "A LOT
OF PEOPLE SAY THAT TARIFFS ARE
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REALLY THE BIGGEST THREAT TO THE
ECONOMY LONG TERM."
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TRUMP REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE
ANY TARIFFS."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
WHAT?
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YOU'RE THE TARIFF GUY.
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AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING THEY DON'T
EXIST?
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"WE DON'T HAVE ANY TARIFFS.
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AND TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, I'M
NOT REAL EITHER.
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I AM A PROJECTION OF YOUR I.D.
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IN A DREAM YOU'RE HAVING AFTER
BINGEING 'BLACK MIRROR' ON
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DAYQUIL."
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PRETTY DARK.
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PRETTY DARK VISION OF THE
FUTURE.
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PRETTY--"<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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BUT THE PRESIDENT WASN'T DONE
DENYING REALITY.
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HE TOLD THE REPORTER, "I MEAN,
OTHER THAN SOME TARIFFS ON
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STEEL-- WHICH IS ACTUALLY
SMALL-- WHAT DO WE HAVE?
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I DIDN'T PUT TARIFFS.
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WHERE DO WE HAVE TARIFFS?
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WE DON'T HAVE TARIFFS ANYWHERE.
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WE DON'T HAVE TARIFFS.
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WHERE DO WE HAVE TARIFFS?
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I'M TALKING TARIFFS.
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I'LL USE TARIFFS.
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I MEAN IT.
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THERE'S NO TARIFFS."
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"TARIFF.
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TARIFF.
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TARIFF.
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IT'S NOT TARIFF TIME, BECAUSE
THERE'S NO TIME FOR TARIFFS.
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I'M THE TARIFF SHERIFF, AND THE
SHERIFF HATES THE TERRIBLE
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TARIFFS.
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♪ I DROPPED THE TARIFF
BUT I DID NOT DROP THE SUBSIDY ♪
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AAAANYWAY, WE HAVE FUN.
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WHAT DAY IS IT?
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WHO ARE YOU?"
I SMELL TOAST."
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HE-- HE SOUNDS HIGH.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SPEAKING OF WHICH, THE EXPANSION
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OF MEDICAL MARIJUANA IS A BIG
MIDTERM-- ONE HIGH PERSON IS
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HERE TONIGHT.
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THEY KNOW I'M HIGH!
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>> Jon: THEY'RE FROM CANADA!
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>> Stephen: "IS HE GOG EAT ALL
THAT LETTUCE?"
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
MARIJUANA IS A BIG MIDTERM ISSUE
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IN A LOT OF STATES, INCLUDING
UTAH.
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BUT BEFORE THE BIG VOTE, ONE
STATE LAWMAKER WANTED TO TRY THE
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WACKY WEED FOR HIMSELF.
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SO STATE SENATOR JIM DEBAKIS
TOOK A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS TO GET
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A TASTE OF UTAH'S FUTURE AND
STREAMED IT ON FACEBOOK.
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>> I DON'T THINK THERE'S A
SENATOR THAT'S USED MARIJUANA.
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I THINK MAYBE NOBODY HAS EVER
SMOKED MARIJUANA, AND WE'RE
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GOING TO MAKE THE LAWS.
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SO AS GREAT SACRIFICE, WITHOUT
ANY TAXPAYER DOLLARS, I DECIDED
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TO COME TO LAS VEGAS AND SEE
WHAT THE WHOLE FOLDEROL IS
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ABOUT.
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NOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT, SOMEWHAT
SHYLY, I HAVE NEVER TASTED,
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SMOKED, EATEN, SHOT UP MARIJUANA
IN MY LIFE."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: "IN ADDITION, I'VE
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NEVER JOKED IT, SMOKED IT, OR
MIDNIGHT-TOKED IT."
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DEBAKIS OPTED FOR THE POT GUMMY
BEARS, THE EDIBLES.
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AND HE WAS SURE TO GET A
TUTORIAL FROM THE LOCAL
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WEEDSMITH FIRST.
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>> SO THE GUY SAID, "TRY IT.
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TAKE A HALF OF ONE, IF YOU'VE
NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE, AND THEN
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WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF AND SEE
WHAT HAPPENS."
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>> Stephen: YES, TAKE HALF, THEN
WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF--
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INSTRUCTIONS THAT NOONE IN THE
HISTORY OF EDIBLES HAS EVER
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FOLLOWED.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
AND YES-- I'VE HEARD
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AND, YES, SENATOR DEBAKIS REALLY
DID TRY POT FOR THE FIRST TIME
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LIVE ON STREAM.
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>> HERE GOES.
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I'M GOING TO TRY IT.
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I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT TASTES.
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NOTHING.
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IT'S TANGERINE.
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I'M NOT REALLY TASTING IT.
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IT'S HALF A GUMMY BEAR, BUT
THEY'RE NOT REALLY GUMMY BEARS."
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>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S
ALREADY WORKING.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
"IT'S LIKE HALF A GUMMY BEAR,
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BUT IT'S ALSO NOT A GUMMY BEAR.
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LIKE, I'M A HUMAN, BUT WHAT IS A
HUMAN?
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YOU EVER-- YOU EVER THINK THAT
ABOUT YOUR TONGUE IS A BIG PIECE
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OF MEAT FILLING YOUR WHOLE
MOUTH, BUT YOU CAN'T EAT IT?
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UNFORTUNATELY, DEBAKIS DIDN'T
STREAM HIS EXPERIENCE OF BEING
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HIGH-- I ASSUME BECAUSE HE WAS
TOO HIGH TO.
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BUT HE LATER TOLD VICE NEWS THAT
"HAVING GOTTEN HIMSELF
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SUFFICIENTLY STONED, HE WENT TO
SEE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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OKAY, YEAH.
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OH, YEAH.
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THIS GUY'S NEVER BEEN HIGH
BEFORE.
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HE JUST HAPPENED TO PICK CIRQUE
DU SOLEIL.
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YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, DOPER!
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WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
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