馃攳
"Good Credit, Buy Anything!" - Trevor Noah - (African American) - YouTube
Channel: Trevor Noah
[0]
It鈥檚 crazy, I鈥檓 loving it
[1]
Living the American life
it鈥檚 crazy
[4]
I actually learned to drive out here
which was fun
[7]
Had to get a car obviously
[9]
Which I just almost couldn鈥檛 get
[12]
Had to fill out form and they want your credit
[14]
because in America credit is very important
[16]
I don鈥檛 understand the concept
[18]
I went to the car dealership and
there was this Asian gentleman helping me
[20]
And we are going through the forms
and he says
[22]
How long have you lived in America for?
[24]
I said
I haven鈥檛 lived here for long
[26]
He said oh
this no good for you, this no good for you
[30]
I said
what do you mean
[31]
You can not lease car in America unless
you been here long time
[36]
Because you don鈥檛 have credit okay
[39]
I said well I鈥檝e got the money to pay for it
[40]
He says
yes that鈥檚 not the point okay
[44]
That鈥檚 not the point
in America okay
[46]
In this country we want credit okay
[48]
Our country focus on credit
[50]
If you got good credit you can buy anything
[53]
We don鈥檛 care about money
we want credit
[55]
I said
credit is the assumption that you can pay
[58]
He鈥檚 like no that don鈥檛 count here okay
[61]
In our country if you got good credit
you can buy anything okay
[65]
His like our country
our country and I was like
[67]
Look I hate to be rude
but when you say our country
[70]
Do you mean our
because you live here now
[73]
Or our
because the Chinese own it
[77]
And he was like
ah it鈥檚 a bit of both okay
[82]
But no credit no car for you
goodbye
[87]
I couldn鈥檛 just buy myself a car
[89]
this horrible thing, drive around
[91]
and that's the worst thing,
driving in America, wow
[94]
on the other side of the road
[96]
you feel like a rebel you know
[98]
until you see the other cars
coming and then it's not so much fun
[101]
you know how many times I did
that, just going to the wrong side?
[103]
Ugh!
[105]
and don鈥檛 trust movies,
it's not easy to do that whole thing
[109]
No people don鈥檛 just
drive, no they stop
[112]
they just look at you,
"what are you doing!"
[114]
In the movies you drive past.
"what are you doing!"
[117]
no they don鈥檛 drive, they just
wait for you to turn around
[120]
and the streets are so small,
you're doing one of those turns
[123]
just watching them and
you're ashamed, its horrible
[127]
I had to practice for months, it was the worst
[130]
I remember I drove into a street once
[132]
I thought I had learned, it had been
months and I'd been doing it well
[134]
and then I turned into the wrong way
[136]
and I saw this little old
Asian lady driving towards me
[138]
and I was like, "No!"
[141]
and there was nobody else
so I swerved the car around
[143]
I was like woo, yeah, hero!
[147]
and I drove and there where 50
cars coming this way
[151]
and I was like, Ugh you bitch!
Ugh!
[158]
and funny, I told my friend this story
[160]
I told him like this,
I was like this is what happened
[162]
and he was like, "Ah, that's so funny man,
that's so funny
[164]
and he asks who was driving the car?
[165]
I said a little old Asian lady
[167]
He's like, "Oh yeah,
you cant say that man, you cant
[170]
you cant say that.
I said, what do you mean?
[171]
He's like,
yeah you cant say she's Asian
[174]
I said why not?
[175]
He's like,"yeah,
because that's racist."
[178]
I said what, that she's Asian?
[180]
He's like, "No, if she's a bad driver
[182]
and you say she's
Asian, that's racist."
[186]
I was like,
so let me get this straight
[187]
Asian's are not allowed
to be called bad drivers?
[191]
is this not racism in it self?
[192]
everyone else is allowed
the world of bad drivers
[195]
but if I'm driving on the
freeway behind an Asian person
[197]
and they are swerving around
[198]
and I go,
this bad driver you drive like crap!
[202]
and I pull up next to them like
[203]
Oh no, sorry, ha ha
[205]
you're not a bad driver, you're just Asian
[208]
I'm sorry
[209]
isn鈥檛 it racism in it self?
[212]
it's madness
[214]
so now what I had to do
to get around is use a GPS
[217]
I decided to get one of those
[219]
first I tried to be a cheapskate
[220]
I thought get a phone with a GPS
[222]
it was a horrible mistake
[224]
bought myself one of
those I phones with Siri
[227]
your assistant she talks to
you, she listens to you
[230]
if you're American
[233]
she does not understand
one word I say
[236]
I don鈥檛 understand
why, I speak English
[239]
I'm there talking to her
(sound)
[241]
She's like, what do you need?
[242]
I'm like Siri, please call Peter
[245]
you want pizza?
[247]
No, no, cancel, cancel
[249]
Siri, I need Peter
[252]
"you want pizza?"
No, Siri, Siri?
[255]
I want Peter not Pizza
[257]
"You want pizza?"
No, no
[259]
No Siri, what's going on here
[261]
You want to, Peter, Siri,
Siri, Peter, Siri, Siri
[265]
"You are not making sense."
Siri, are you having a attitude at me?
[268]
"you tell me"
I don鈥檛 know what the hell is going on here
[271]
Siri, just listen to me
[272]
"I don鈥檛 know"
What do you mean you don鈥檛 know?
[275]
Siri just, ah bitch!
[277]
Ugh!
[278]
"Dialing mom"
What the hell?!
[283]
It's just horrible
[285]
that's when I had to buckle
down and get myself a real GPS
[288]
to get me around.
[289]
which has been working like a charm
[291]
if you don鈥檛 have a
GPS, get yourself one
[293]
it's the best thing you'll ever do
[294]
just don鈥檛 make the mistake I
made, and buy it from Craigslist
[299]
I bought one of Craigslist
[301]
but the guy who sold
it to me didn鈥檛 tell me
[303]
that it was a Spanish language GPS
[307]
which is not so good
[310]
I didn鈥檛 understand anything she says
[313]
I still get around because the
arrows are in English, thank God
[317]
but otherwise it was just horrible
[318]
and I hated it the first few
days, and then
[321]
and then I fell in love with
her, she's just you know
[324]
I don鈥檛 understand why more
Americans don鈥檛 speak Spanish
[327]
it's such a sexy language
[329]
I鈥檓 just sitting there, and all the men
in here you want to feel like a man
[333]
you get yourself a Spanish GPS
[336]
Oh no, you don鈥檛 understand
[338]
traffic never sounded sexier, just like
[340]
I'd just punch in random
destinations and she guides me around
[343]
She's like
(GPS sound)
[345]
(GPS Speaking Spanish)
[348]
(GPS Speaking Spanish)
[351]
and I'm just like, ha, ha, ha
[355]
ha, ha, oh shucks Tomtom,
ha, ha
[360]
don鈥檛 say that all the time, ha, ha
[363]
it's just sexy you know
[365]
she guides me around, it's beautiful
[367]
I love that, I'm going to
learn Spanish because of that
[370]
Definitely,
Spanish has gone up on my list
[372]
I had a few languages and
Spanish was like the 6th language
[376]
I spoke 4 languages in South Africa
[378]
and then the 5th language
was going to be Japanese
[380]
and then Spanish,
but now Spanish has gone up
[383]
Japanese I've had to pause
[385]
because of the earthquake, there's
not that many of them traveling now
[388]
it's just sad,
there's like no one now
[391]
they used to walk around the
streets, you know
[393]
but Spanish has gone up
[394]
because I was getting good at
Japanese, don鈥檛 get me wrong
[396]
I was getting really good
[397]
you know and it's a great
language, it's powerful
[400]
because you speak Japanese from
your chest it makes you feel strong
[403]
(Speaking Japanese)
[406]
very strong
[407]
where as English you
speak from the head
[410]
and the chest
[412]
do you know what I mean?
[413]
your head and chest
[415]
you wouldn鈥檛 know this
[417]
you wouldn鈥檛 know this if you listened
to many coastal girls in America
[421]
like I've been in places
like California where woman
[425]
insist on speaking English from their nose
[427]
which is not the correct way
[429]
"like oh my God
[430]
you guys gonna like do this
[432]
and I was like there with Tiffany
and we where talking and then"
[436]
that's not the right way,
you're not using your lungs
[439]
I know this because when I choked her
[440]
she sounded exactly the same
[444]
She's there and she's like
[445]
"Oh my God you're like
totally choking me right now
[447]
and I cant breath and
[449]
this is so not on,
I'm gonna Tweet about this
[453]
this is like the worst thing ever
[455]
I am so dying, OMG"
[458]
you know, it's horrible
[459]
where Japanese is strong
[460]
Japanese you speak from the
chest, you know
[463]
a lot of Americans are
learning Chinese I see
[466]
you know, I see people like
[468]
"you gotta learn Chinese
[469]
they are taking over, Chinese
[472]
Ne hao ma!
[475]
she shing nei
[476]
Sha Nez"
[478]
it's too late to learn Chinese, it's over
[481]
No its true, because it's also one
of the hardest languages in the world
[484]
I mean how do you learn Chinese now?
[487]
they've got over 10 thousand characters
in their alphabet, you know this?
[490]
10 thousand characters
[492]
we've got 26 in English
[495]
and there's still people
going what comes after Q
[499]
twenty six
[501]
this is you know, 10 they have got
that's super smart
[505]
they must have the worst
sesame street in the world
[509]
it must suck being a Muppet in that country
[512]
see them on a Monday
morning singing to the kids
[514]
(singing in Chinese)
[520]
5 years later
[521]
(singing in Chinese)
[525]
it's just horrible
[527]
Horrible
Most Recent Videos:
You can go back to the homepage right here: Homepage