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Ben Dhanio : I hate expatriate English teachers | Stand-Up Asia: Jakarta #8 - YouTube
Channel: Comedy Central Indonesia
[1]
i don't have white people in general i
hate white english teacher you were born
[6]
with all the advantage you have in life
[17]
here's the thing doing comedy in english
is really weird situation it's really
[21]
difficult to get gigs here i know you're
not ignorant
[24]
because you know the weirdest gig i've
ever got uh i got a gig like if i do
[29]
english if i upload my routine on on
youtube i'll be like oh maybe i could
[33]
perform somewhere like singapore like
america you know where i performed ma
[38]
long
[ __ ] ma long man
[41]
because i was too excited they
they didn't pay me anything they they
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said that we'll pay you a month after
the show like no problem so i bought a
[49]
plane ticket there a garuda i was so
excited i'm ready to perform in mala
[54]
everything went well in mala i performed
there the problem is i didn't have
[57]
enough money to buy a plane ticket on
the way back
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not very good chinese so
[66]
what i did was the only option
the only option that i had was a train
[72]
ride
so i bought a train ride from malang to
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jakarta
do you know how long
[79]
malang to jakarta is on a [ __ ] train
16 hours
[84]
i bought a 16 hours economy class train
ride
[89]
16 hours like
as i entered the train there was 1 000
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passengers i was the only chinese person
[97]
if there's a riot in the train
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who do you think is gonna die first
this guy
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i was walking by i was looking for my
seat everyone was staring at me like
[117]
some weirdo they were staring at me like
i can literally hear them whisper what
[122]
is he doing here is he lost
oh is he illegal
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is he the owner of the training i can
hear
[130]
all the weird [ __ ]
and i can literally hear
[133]
some racist guy panting understand
why
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you you know you legal or
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but i was so scared so i don't know what
came up to my mind i literally had to
[150]
say it's always happening
[154]
i've never seen a more confused
racist in my life in your life
[159]
as i got to my train i can't sleep
because there was a badminton match
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right there was abandoned between
indonesia versus china the guy sitting
[167]
next to me was live streaming he was
live streaming indonesia vs china
[171]
indonesia dominions we all know dominion
is right the minions are the best marcus
[176]
sorry kevin sanjaya marcos gideon right
so he was live-streaming uh
[180]
the batman
indonesia is winning indonesia is
[184]
winning and i was sitting next to him i
was like oh [ __ ] i don't watch badminton
[189]
man can you be quiet i don't watch
badminton because we keep winning it's
[192]
boring
so you show me no look indonesia is
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winning indonesia vs china dominions are
beating china alright great which one is
[201]
china
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the couple with the small eyes
but they all have small eyes
[210]
yes just like you mister
well [ __ ] you your t-shirt is fake
[217]
because it's made in china
so wherever then
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i have never been a full-time stand-up
i've never been i am an english teacher
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um and you know this country is [ __ ]
up when i am still legally allowed to
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teach little children uh
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i i love the job it's a fun job you know
what i hate about being an english
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teacher white people
white people there i said it okay i
[244]
don't have white people in general i
hate white english teacher you were born
[248]
with all the advantage you have in life
and yet you decided to become an english
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teacher how dare you
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you dare to sell yourself
you refer to yourself as a native
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speaker english is my first language a
native speaker one of the white teachers
[267]
in my center is a [ __ ] italian okay
and we sell her as a native speaker
[274]
do you want your children to go good
morning me marry me parry
[284]
if you're an english teacher and you're
watching this and you hate me what are
[288]
you gonna do
correct my grammar [ __ ] you
[294]
it is the only white english guy that i
love was my ex-boss his name his name is
[298]
stewart everybody calls him stu he hates
me so much i love him to the bits i call
[304]
him stu
you're the first child in your family
[307]
how did you know because your name is to
think
[312]
and he went
ben daniel if that's the extent of your
[316]
joke now i understand why you became an
english teacher
[320]
he's the only guy i like so what we do
is in our teaching center is that we
[325]
sell we send teachers to schools we send
teachers to school one day one of the uh
[330]
all of the boulez all of the white
teachers are unavailable so who do they
[334]
send this guy terrible mistake i asked
them why did you send me
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or why why can't you just reschedule to
send the teachers to the schools right
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ben it's because you're chinese yeah
that's the point i'm chinese why are you
[347]
sending me because you're different
so i just go there i guess go i do my
[353]
job i go to a madrasa right and
i went to madrasa go not no not go went
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past tense remember english teacher i
went to madrasa and i know it's going to
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be a good day when you enter the
classroom and you rep and you say good
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morning everyone and they reply
like
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and i know my place so i replied shalom
[ __ ] no i didn't say that
[384]
started teaching right started teaching
everything went normal they were 10 year
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old 10 year old students like i started
teaching all right topic today jobs
[392]
doctor goes to the hospital chef goes to
the restaurant any question one of the
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10 year olds asked me mr ben
are you an islam or not
[403]
that was the first question that i had
seven a.m in the morning mr when you're
[409]
a muslim
uh no no i'm not a muslim mr ben if
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you're not a muslim you are an infidel
right an infidel means you're gonna die
[417]
and burn in hell forever and ever until
the end of time
[422]
i was shocked he was 10 years old
oh my god who taught you that your
[427]
grammar is amazing
[435]
infidel goes to hell
[463]
foreign
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