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Barack Obama Goes Back To The White House | GOP Threatens Disney's Tax Breaks - YouTube
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WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN
HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE
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WORLD, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
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I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THANK YOU, FATHER.
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PLEASE.
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THANK YOU, PADRE.
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FOLKS, I GOTTA SAY, I FEEL YOUNG
TODAY.
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AS I DO EVERY DAY, BECAUSE I
WEAR MAKEUP.
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BUT EVEN MORE SO
BECAUSE, EARLIER TODAY,
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PRESIDENT BIDEN WELCOMED A
SPECIAL GUEST TO THE WHITE
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HOUSE: FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA, WHO GOT A STANDING
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OVATION.
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THAT MUST BE NICE.
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WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT FELT LIKE.
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THEN, HOPEFULLY, THEY LOCKED THE
DOORS TO KEEP HIM IN.
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HE CAN COME OUT AFTER THE
MIDTERMS.
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THIS IS A PRETTY BIG MOMENT,
ACTUALLY, BECAUSE OBAMA
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WAS BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR
THE FIRST TIME IN FIVE YEARS.
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HE WAS THERE TO PROMOTE
OBAMACARE AND GET THAT PACK OF
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SMOKES HE FORGOT IN THE LINCOLN
BEDROOM.
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( WHISPERING )
DON'T TELL MICHELLE.
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OBAMA OPENED HIS SPEECH
MEMORABLY:
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>> VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN-- VICE
PRESIDENT--
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THAT WAS A JOKE!
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>> Stephen: IT'S FUNNY, I'M NOT
SURE IF I BUY THAT WAS A JOKE.
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I THINK HE WENT UP THERE, AND
THE FIRST THING HE SAID WAS A
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GAFFE.
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HE AND BIDEN HAVE MORE IN
COMMON THAN WE THOUGHT.
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OBAMA EXPLAINED THAT THIS WAS AN
UNUSUAL DAY FOR HIM:
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>> COMING BACK, EVEN IF I HAVE
TO WEAR A TIE, WHICH I VERY
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RARELY DO THESE DAYS.
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>> Stephen: YES, FROM WHAT I'VE
SEEN OF YOUR RETIREMENT,
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MR. PRESIDENT, YOU RARELY WEAR
A TIE, OR A SHIRT.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THEN-- THEN-- THEN
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HE THEN LOOKED BACK AT WHAT IT
TOOK TO GET THE AFFORDABLE CARE
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ACT GOING.
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>> REPUBLICANS TRIED TO REPEAL
WHAT WE HAD DONE.
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THEY TRIED EXPLICITLY TO
MAKE IT HARDER FOR PEOPLE TO
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SIGN UP FOR COVERAGE.
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AND LET'S FACE IT, IT DIDN'T
HELP THAT WHEN WE FIRST ROLLED
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OUT THE A.C.A., THE WEBSITE
DIDN'T WORK.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THAT WAS NOT ONE OF MY HAPPIEST
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MOMENTS.
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( LAUGHING )
>> Stephen: REMEMBER WHEN
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AMERICA'S BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS
THERE WAS A WEBSITE THAT TOOK A
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WHILE TO LOAD, BUT THEN WHEN IT
DID, YOU GOT HEALTH CARE?
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( LAUGHS )<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
YES, WE CAN.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THEN PRESIDENT BIDEN GOT HIS
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TURN TO REMINISCE.
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>> MR. PRESIDENT, WELCOME BACK
TO THE WHITE HOUSE, MAN.
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FEELS LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
BEING HERE WITH YOU BRINGS BACK
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SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES.
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WE JUST HAD LUNCH TOGETHER, AND
WE WEREN'T SURE WHO WAS SUPPOSED
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TO SIT WHERE.
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>> Stephen: HE'S JOKING,
OBVIOUSLY, BUT IT STILL MUST BE
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NICE THAT BIDEN NO LONGER HAS TO
SIT AT THE VICE PRESIDENT'S
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TABLE.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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SUPPOSEDLY-- SUPPOSEDLY-- WORD
WAS OBAMA WAS THERE TO CELEBRATE
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PRESIDENT BIDEN'S SIGNING AN
EXECUTIVE ORDER
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TO EXPAND COVERAGE UNDER THE
AFFORDABLE CARE ACT.
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BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
SPECULATING THAT OBAMA REALLY
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WAS THERE BECAUSE BIDEN IS
FALLING IN THE POLLS AND
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DEMOCRATS ARE LOOKING FOR A
SPARK.
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I UNDERSTAND THAT THEORY, BUT
ISN'T THAT LIKE YOU TRYING TO
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GET THE SPARK GOING WITH YOUR
WIFE BY INVITING HER SEXY OLD
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BOYFRIEND THAT BROKE UP WITH HER
AT YOUR ANNIVERSARY DINNER?
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"LOOK WHO'S HERE, HONEY.
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LOOK WHO'S HERE.
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LOOK WHO I INVADED.
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IT'S--<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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COME ON.
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IT'S BRAD!
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YOU LIKED HIM.
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I KNOW YOU LIKED HIM, BECAUSE
SOMETIMES YOU EVEN YELL HIS NAME
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OUT AT SURPRISING MOMENTS.
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IS THIS GETTING YOU GOING?
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SING SOME AL GREEN, BRAD.
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HE PADDLEBOARDS!"
HEY, SPEAKING OF WASHINGTON, DO
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YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE SUPREME
COURT?
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TURNS OUT, KETANJI BROWN JACKSON
IS ON A CLEAR TRACK TO BE
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CONFIRMED LATER THIS WEEK AS THE
SUPREME COURT'S 116th JUSTICE
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
AND-- AND-- AND AND ITS FIRST
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BLACK WOMAN.
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THAT IS FANTASTIC!
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BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S OUT OF
COMMITTEE ALREADY.
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WE NEVER EVEN FOUND OUT IF SHE
LIKES BEER!
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
IT BECAME CLEAR THAT JACKSON
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WOULD BE CONFIRMED WHEN SHE GOT
PUBLIC ENDORSEMENTS FROM
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REPUBLICAN SENATORS
SUSAN COLLINS, MITT ROMNEY, AND
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LISA MURKOWSKI.
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AAAAAAND I'M BEING TOLD ALL
THREE OF THEM HAVE NOW BEEN
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CENSURED BY THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY, AND MURKOWSKI IS BEING
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PRIMARIED IN ALASKA BY THE QANON
POLAR BEAR.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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ANOTHER-- KIND OF SILLY TO SEE A
BEAR-- A BEAR WITH A FUR HAT ON.
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KIND OF WEIRD TO SEE A BEAR WITH
A HAT ON.
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ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO HAS
FLIRTED WITH THE IDEA OF BEING
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REASONABLE IS MISSOURI SENATOR
AND OFF-DUTY JOKER, ROY
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BLUNT.
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ON THIS WEEK'S "THIS WEEK,"
BLUNT SAID THIS ABOUT JUDGE
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JACKSON:
>> SHE'S CERTAINLY QUALIFIED,
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SHE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY,
I THINK WILL BE A GOOD COLLEAGUE
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ON THE COURT.
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>> Stephen: OH, GREAT, SO SHE'S
GOT YOUR SUPPORT.
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>> I WON'T BE SUPPORTING HER.
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>> Stephen: WHAT?
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YOU JUST SAID SHE'S CERTAINLY
QUALIFIED.
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I'D HATE TO SEE HIS GUY'S YELP
REVIEWS:
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"GREAT FOOD, IMPECCABLE SERVICE,
WONDERFUL ATMOSPHERE.
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BURN IT TO THE GROUND."
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
THEN BLUNT DEMONSTRATED TRUE
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BIPARTISANSHIP BY TRYING TO HAVE
IT BOTH WAYS.
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>> SHE'S CERTAINLY GOING TO BE
CONFIRMED.
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I THINK IT WILL BE A HIGH POINT
FOR THE COUNTRY TO SEE HER GO ON
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THE COURT AND TAKE HER UNIQUE
PERSPECTIVE TO THE COURT.
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I WON'T BE SUPPORTING HER, BUT
I'LL BE JOINING OTHERS IN
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UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF
THIS MOMENT.
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>> Stephen: NO!
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NO, NO!
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YOU DON'T GET TO SAY YOU
UNDERSTAND ANYTHING IF YOU'RE
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ACTIVELY FIGHTING AGAINST THAT
THING.
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THERE IS A REASON-- THERE IS A
REASON--
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
THERE IS A REASON "AVENGERS:
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ENDGAME" DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS:
>> I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE
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OF THIS MOMEEEENT!
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IRON MAN WAS RIGHT THE WHOLE
TIME!
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BYEEEE"
>> Stephen: WHILE SOME
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REPUBLICANS HAVE BROKEN RANKS
TO SUPPORT SOON-TO-BE-JUSTICE
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JACKSON, THEY ARE FULLY UNITED
AGAINST WHAT THEY SAY IS THE
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REAL THREAT TO AMERICA: CARTOON
RODENTS MAKING YOUR CHILDREN
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GAY.
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YOU SEE, DISNEY SPOKE OUT
AGAINST FLORIDA'S STUPID AND
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HATEFUL "DON'T SAY GAY" BILL, SO
SO NOW--
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
SO NOW, WHAT'S HAPPENING IS,
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IN RESPONSE FLORIDA REPUBLICANS
HAVE PUT DISNEY IN THEIR SIGHTS,
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LIKE IT WAS BAMBI'S MOM.
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I KNOW, IT'S SAD, ISN'T IT?
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DID YOU NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
IN THAT MOVIE?
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SPOILER.
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THIS WEEKEND, THE DISNEY
CORPORATION GOT A THREAT FROM
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FLORIDA G.O.P. LAWMAKER AND
STANDUP, SAYING, "THIS GUY KNOWS
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WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT" TO A
GUY WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE'S
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TALKING ABOUT, ANTHONY SABITINI.
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SABITINI WARNED DISNEY THAT,
THANKS TO THEIR OPPOSITION TO
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THE "DON'T SAY GAY" BILL, THEY
SHOULD GET READY TO EXPERIENCE
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"LIVING HELL."
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OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE LINE FOR
"BELLE'S CASTLE."
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AND EVEN ONCE YOU'RE IN THERE,
YOU GOTTA SIT IN THE LIBRARY FOR
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20 MINUTES BEFORE YOU CAN TAKE A
PICTURE WITH HER!
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THEY SAID, "BE OUR GUEST!"
THAT TALKING CANDLE IS A LIAR!
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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THE CUP'S NAME IS CHIP.
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SABITINI HAS A SPECIFIC TYPE OF
HELL IN MIND.
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HE WANTS TO TAKE AWAY DISNEY'S
SPECIAL TAX PRIVILEGES, AS WELL
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AS THE COMPANY'S ABILITY TO ACT
WITH THE SAME AUTHORITY AND
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RESPONSIBILITY AS A COUNTY
GOVERNMENT.
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NOW WAIT A SECOND.
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DISNEY HAS TO HAVE THE SAME
AUTHORITY AS A GOVERNMENT.
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HOW ELSE CAN THEY ARREST AND
JAIL THE LITTLE-KNOWN EIGHTH
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DWARF, STABBY.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SO THIS-- IT'S FLORIDA.
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YOU KNOW THERE'S A STABY.
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THERE'S A STABY.
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THERE'S A METHY.
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THERE'S AN ARSONY.
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
SO, THIS FLORIDA GUY IS
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THREATENING TO PUNISH DISNEY FOR
SUPPORTING L.G.B.T.Q. RIGHTS.
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REPUBLICANS SAY THEY'RE AGAINST
CANCEL CULTURE, BUT NOW THEY'RE
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TRYING TO CANCEL WHAT THEY CALL
A "WOKE" COMPANY, WHOSE CORE
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MESSAGE, I WILL REMIND YOU, IS
"IT'S OKAY TO KISS WOMEN WHILE
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THEY'RE IN A DRUG-INDUCED
STUPOR."
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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
THE FLORIDA-- FINE!
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IT'S FINE!
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SHOW IT TO THE KIDS!
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LET THE KIDS WATCH!
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IF THE FLORIDA WAR ON DISNEY HAS
REACHED ALL THE WAY UP TO
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CONGRESS-- IT HAS REACHED UP
THERE, NOT "IF.
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THE.
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IT HAS.
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WITH MATT GAETZ
TWEETING: "THINGS THAT SCARE
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DISNEY: MUNICIPAL DISSOLUTIO<u> &-D</u>
REPORTING."
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ANOTHER THING THAT SCARES
DISNEY?
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MATT GAETZ WITHIN 50 YARDS OF
THE TEACUP RIDE.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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SPEAKING--
SPEAKING OF FIGHTING BEHEMOTH
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CORPORATIONS, AMAZON.
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THIS PAST FRIDAY, AMAZON WORKERS
IN NEW YORK CITY VOTED TO FORM
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THE FIRST U.S. UNION.
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<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THAT IS-- HELL, YES!
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THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
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THAT IS FANTASTIC.
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AND AMAZON IS NOW GOING ALL OUT
TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN
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AGAIN.
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LEAKED DOCUMENTS SHOW THEY'RE
PLANNING A NEW MESSAGING APP FOR
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THEIR EMPLOYEES WHICH WOULD BAN
WORDS THAT PERTAIN TO ORGANIZING
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A UNION, INCLUDING "UNFAIR,
INJUSTICE, ETHICS, DIVERSITY,
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FAIRNESS, PAY RAISE," AND
PHRASES LIKE "THIS IS DUMB" OR
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"THIS IS CONCERNING."
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BUT IF YOU CAN'T SAY "THIS IS
DUMB," HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO
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DESCRIBE THIS HAT?
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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THE APP-- IT PA-CHEW!
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THE APP ESSENTIALLY CENSORS
ANYTHING THAT'S CONTROVERSIAL AT
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AMAZON, INCLUDING THE WORD
"RESTROOM."
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WHICH, YOU KNOW, MAY NOT BE
MISSED.
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MANY AMAZON WORKERS ARE MORE
FAMILIAR WITH THE PHRASES,
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"EMPTY POWERADE BOTTLE" AND "ON
BEZOS'S GRAVE."
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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IF THIS APP-- PA-CHEW-CHEW.
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IF THIS APP DOES LAUNCH, IT
WOULD BE HARD FOR AMAZON
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EMPLOYEES TO OPENLY CRITICIZE
THEIR CONDITIONS.
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BUT AS A SOUTH CAROLINIAN, I'VE
GOT A WORKAROUND: IT'S CALLED
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BEING SOUTHERN.
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MEET ME OVER AT THE "SOUTHERN
HOSPITALITY" CAM.
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AMAZON, AMAZON, YOU'RE TRYING TO
KEEP WORKERS FROM TALKING TO
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EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS LIKE
RESTROOMS, ETHICS, AND PAY
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RAISES?
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WELL, BLESS YOUR HEART.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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IT'S-- IT'S NOT-- NO, NO.
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IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WEREN'T
RAISED RIGHT.
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WHAT YOU'RE DOING ISN'T WRONG.
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IT'S JUST SO UNIQUE.
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AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE SIZE
OF YOUR SPACESHIP.
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SOME PEOPLE LIKE SMALL ROCKETS.
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OKAY?
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OKAY?
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HEY, I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
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<i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i>
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WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
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MY GUESTS IS OSCAR ISAAC.
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BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MR. JON
BATISTE WILL TELL US ALL ABOUT
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THE GRAMMIES.
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