How To Be Effortlessly Confident - YouTube

For many men, Don Draper is the epitome of confidence. You're happy with your agency. You're not happy with anything

You don't want most of it you want all of it, and I won't stop until you get all of it

But what most people don't realize is that confidence actually comes in two flavors?

There's the external confidence that you project which can make closing deals making friends or seducing happen more naturally

But there's also the internal confidence you feel how comfortable you are in any given situation

so in this video

we're gonna be analyzing what Don can teach us about both levels of confidence and how

mastering each level can take you from being nervous to completely confident in any

Situation now at the most basic level we have the way that Don carries himself. Obviously. He's a good-looking guy

He's got nice suits, but it's his relaxed body language. That is the most interesting for instance

He almost always sits asymmetrically and spreads himself out comfortably will actually cause you to relax if you do this yourself

Don also moves freely around most environments which signals a sense of comfort and ownership wherever he is he acts like the boss everywhere

Now, you don't need to take it this far but simply having your feet at least

shoulder width apart when you're standing or

leaning with your arm draped over a chair in a way that doesn't prevent someone else from sitting there goes a long way towards

projecting confidence

Additionally, you'll see Don subconsciously signal that others need to work for his attention

He leans back in his chair

Even when he's in a position where you'd think he'd want to win someone over

Like with clients this flips the dynamic and makes them work harder to win him over

Not bad in the winter. It's quite a shock coming back. Well put but

That could be any vacation

This was very very different

Don creates a similar effect with his eye contact in the beginning of many interactions

He's aloof making limited eye contact almost disinterested in what is being said. I'm going to ply me with drinks and convince me

What a terrible mistake I'm making

It was quite a drink. If you're sitting opposite him. This will make you want to try to win his attention

It feels good to get the person who isn't paying attention to you to do so and when the other person has done that Don

Gives his full piercing eye contact on special occasions. Like when he's making a point what you call love was invented by guys like me

Without nylons or nailing a pitch like he does on this campaign for lipstick. She wants to tell the world. He's mine

He belongs to me. Not you

She marks her man with her lips. Or seducing you like he does all the time in the show

My name is Don

The biggest thing to take into your own life from Don's

Variable eye contact is not that you need to ignore people to be cool

But that when you are making your key points that you want paid attention to

hone in those narrow piercing eyes keep people

Captivated and they show confidence in the words that you're speaking while emphasizing your most important points

Now you can do everything that you've talked about up until now fairly easily

but a much more

Difficult element of body language to master is what you don't do and he pay attention to dawn you'll notice that he doesn't

Fidget and that takes us to the next deeper layer of confidence, which is non

Reactivity, this is something we actually talked about in our video with James Bond

This is much harder to fake because our emotions often get the best of us in these high-stress situations. And this is one area

We're lacking and competence can really be a detriment you overreact to your own mistakes and end up making things worse

but when you can remain

Nonreactive, it shows that you're not pressured by what's happening around you and that makes you come across as more powerful for instance

Watch out Don reacts when two men hit on his wife in Rome and how he calmly role plays that he doesn't even know her

Contrast that with their insecure overreactions to him. May I join you?

Yankee, go home

*Speaks Italian* Are they making fun of me?

A little bit.

I'm only in Rome for one night

the sense of comfort and power that Donne conveyed

simply by not reacting is surely part of what drew Betty to him in the first place this same level of low reactivity is especially

Important if you're a leader in times of crisis now feeling your feelings is important

But left unchecked they can get in the way of pulling together to get out of a serious issue

Keeping emotional expression in check actually inspires resolve in others in addition

Simply remaining silent when things are going wrong buys you valuable time to think without exposing you as someone who is totally confused and lost

Don is so good under pressure not because he's just fast on his feet. That's actually an illusion

It's because he slows down enough to think calmly and react in the best way possible

Watch how he responds when a client doesn't like his pitch

I'm gonna have to speed it up a bit because he gives himself a full 20 seconds to think

Gentlemen before you leave. Can I just say something? As a general rule?

We are more demanding of fast responses from ourselves than we are from others people give themselves

Only 30% as much time to respond as they would give someone else which is why so many of us find it hard to pause

When doing a public speech even though we know it's a powerful tool

So when you are in a stressful situation and it feels like you need to do something right now

Pause you're almost always better served from a presentation

Perspective and a decision-making perspective to take a deep breath and slow down

Otherwise, you're going to look frantic and out of control. Now, the next sign of a more deeply internalized confidence is not

trying to convince other people and that might sound odd because when you think of Don Draper you might think of the salesmen who is

all about persuasion but being persuasive generally is very very different from trying to convince any

specific person so paradoxically Don makes many of his sales by not

Badgering clients and instead framing himself as an equal partner in a negotiation. He's screening them as much as they are screening him

Call it a day

Gentlemen, thank you for your time

Is that all?

You're a non-believer

Why should we waste time on Kabuki? Sit down? No

Not until I know I'm not wasting my time

Now this is effective because one of the ways that we determine if we want to associate with

Anyone is by how much they seem to want and need us we of course like people who are interested in us

But not too much

Much better is to share your interest whether it's with a date or client but to walk away if it's not reciprocated

Now one caveat here is that if you walk away in an emotional huff

You're not signaling confidence or power. You're signaling petulance

And that makes other people just glad to be rid of you now

Don is guilty of this from time to time when people don't like his ads

Hope you enjoy looking in the window.

Give me a minute

Out get out. Don, excuse me? Get your things and get out of my office now

Resist the urge to yell or to tell a date or a client how sorry that they're gonna be for blowing the opportunity and

Instead step into the mindset that says well looks like we're not a match. I wish you the best

Now this finally takes us to the deepest layer of confidence. And that is the belief that no matter what you will be

Okay, when you've internalized this confidence comes easy now it all sounds nice

But how you develop this belief so that you feel it in any situation

One of the fastest ways to build any belief is to live it

So you show yourself that you're gonna be okay

By doing exactly the things that you think you wouldn't be okay

if you did and you don't have to jump off of buildings in this case

I mean social things

so this is what Don does in the final seasons and I'm gonna have to quickly catch you up on the plot of madmen for

The next clips to make sense for those of you who don't know Don's real name is Dick Whitman

He stole his lieutenants identity when he was in the Korean War in order to escape his old life and get out of the war

and he's lived with that fake name and even somewhat of a fake persona ever since he displays the outer veneer of Stoicism and

confidence while behind closed doors his family and even sometimes his career and emotions are

Crumbling but in the final seasons of Mad Men Don tells the truth at great personal cost

First he tells Hershey's his client the truth about his orphaned childhood, which loses him the account and gets himself fired

I was an orphan

I grew up in Pennsylvania

In a whorehouse

Do you want to advertise that? If I had my way you would never advertise

Later he confesses his moral failings to Peggy while at a retreat in California

I broke all my vows

Scandalized my child

Took another man's name and

And finally after he's been honest out loud

He has the courage to reveal the emotions that made him abandon his old life and it's all set into motion

Where a man at the retreat confesses to feeling unseen and unlovable. I had a dream I was on a on a shelf

in the refrigerator

someone closes the door and the light goes off and I know everybody's out there eating and then

They open the door and you see them smiling and they're happy to see you

But maybe they don't look right at you and maybe they don't pick you then the door closes again. The light goes off

Don's sitting there shell-shocked from his conversation with Peggy but as he listens he goes from completely ignoring him to totally

understanding where he's coming from despite the validation from business success and affairs with many beautiful women Don still feels

Unlovable and when he finally recognized that same feeling of being unseen and unlovable, he can authentically connect with his man

*Crying*

This is the deepest layer of confidence

It's not about always looking cool or

Always saying the right thing and it's not even about getting other people to respond to you in a favorable way

It's living your life at least socially like you will be

Okay, no matter what and that means that you can tell the truth. Even if it loses you a client

You can tell the truth, even if it makes you feel weak because when you live the truth believing that you're gonna be

Okay, no matter what. You won't stay feeling weak for long instead

You'll stop feeling like you always need to say the right thing and you'll stop worrying that someone else might reject you

Because you know that you will never reject yourself

And when you combine this deep internal confidence with the ability to project external confidence

every interaction becomes easier and more fun and you may begin to even look forward to the situations that

Previously stressed you out now

If you're interested in the fastest way that I know to build both deep confidence and that external showing confidence

I put together a video program to fast-track you to the point

Where you feel centered in any social situation

So you don't feel like you're hesitating or grasping for what to say to make an interaction go amazingly

This is our flagship program called charisma University

it's a six-week program and every day you will get a

step-by-step action guide to make confidence your default mode of being and it focuses both on the

presentation aspect as well as that inner game aspect

Which is nice because it takes the guesswork out of everything. You just follow the guide and you get the results

So if you want a fast-track to more confidence more charisma

You can learn more about the course with the button on the screen or the link in the description

We have had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it

So I hope that you decide to join if this is an area of your life that you are looking to improve

Either way you are okay and you will be okay

I hope that you've enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one