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The ShOpposition Fire Sale: Everything Must Go! - The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper - YouTube
Channel: unknown
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Last night, I initiated
official lockdown procedure.
[4]
-(alarm blaring)
-That's right.
[6]
Shit has gotten real.
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No one is allowed
in or out of the bunker,
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besides my opponent tonight,
musician and visual artist
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Kim Gordon.
[16]
-(cheering, applause)
-Yes.
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She's promoting the film,<i> Don't
Worry, He Won't Get Far on
Foot.</i>
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I hope she finds her way
through my trap maze.
[23]
Because... opposers,
we are in this together.
[26]
Together, we will fight back
against the forces
[29]
trying to shut down truth
and devour America!
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But first...
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-(alarm stops) -we got to sell
some great products.
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It's the ShOpposition Fire Sale.
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Look, if they have their way,
tomorrow is our last show,
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so we're here to sell you some
products to help you navigate
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the globo-fascist
news cycle without us.
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And though I've never lied
to you yet this episode, and...
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I'm not gonna start now.
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This has nothing to do
with us needing money,
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or my numerous gambling debts.
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This is about helping<i> you.</i>
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Just like my buddy, Alex Jones,
over at<i> InfoWars.</i>
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He makes around seven
to 12 million dollars a year
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selling diet supplements alone.
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(chuckles)
More than enough to settle
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-one of his many lawsuits.
-(laughter)
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And we have ten times
the deals he does.
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Let's take a look
at these incredible deals.
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Laura Grey, what amazing
products do<i> you</i> have?
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Oh, you're gonna
love this, Jordan.
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We here at the ShOpposition
know the best way
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to get ready for a fight
is to<i> stay</i> ready.
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And nothing keeps you readier
than fear!
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But what happens if you
aren't just naturally afraid
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of nearly everything?
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That's when you need...
ShOpposition brand Fear Goggles.
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(laughter)
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These goggles
are specially designed
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to keep your anxiety high,
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so you can see the truth.
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Is that a professional athlete
[110]
kneeling to protest
police brutality?
[113]
Just slip on your goggles and...
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Oh, my God!
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It's blatant disrespect
for the flag
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and a violent protest
against America!
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(gasps):
Oh...
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Hey. Is that two black men
calmly sitting in a Starbucks?
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Fear Goggles on and...
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Help! It's turbo ISIS
come to attack me
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and steal
my half caf mocha frap!
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KLEPPER:
Oh, I'll tell you.
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Lookin' good, Laura.
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And remember, opposers,
if you don't see a threat,
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you're just not looking
hard enough.
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Kobi Libii, what incredible
ShOpposition product
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do you have for us?
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-Jordan, you're gonna love this.
-Gentlemen, I'm sorry,
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I'd like to report a criminal.
He is a man.
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He is standing inside,
wearing...
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Laura, take off the goggles!
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Oh, hey, Kobi.
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Uh, fun fact, opposers,
Laura's called 911 on me
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at least 27 times.
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Which is all the proof you need
that those goggles work.
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You know what else works
like a cursed demon charm,
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our ShOpposition brand
Slippery Slope 'N' Slide.
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(takes deep breath)
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You'll have hours
of fun in the sun
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while learning to make
the best kind of argument,
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the Slippery Slope kind.
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At the top of the slide, we see
a peaceful immigrant family
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entering the U.S.,
but soon your local Burger King
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starts selling empanadas,
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your child has a playdate
with someone named Julio,
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and before you know it--
my God, what's that!
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A group of vicious
MS-13 gang members! Watch out!
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Those face tattoos might bite.
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When you whiz down this baby,
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you'll find yourself
sliding down a mental slope
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into refreshing,
splash-tastic xenophobia.
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It's almost July,
get yours now.
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Also available in "gay marriage
leads to pet (bleep).”
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Oh, no.
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This is a must-have for summer.
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And the sale price of just
$49.99 is lower than Mike Pence
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when he lovingly ties the
president's shoes every morning.
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Aaron and Josh,
looks like you've got
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a really big deal over there.
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Yes, Jordan,
we are a very big deal
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because we make everything
a big deal
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if it's something we care about.
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Like, remember when
the Boy Scouts decided
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to let girls in and libs were
all, like, "Woo-hoo,"
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and we were all like,
"But it's the 'Boy' Scouts,"
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and they were all like, "Is that
the hill you want to die on?”
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And we were like, "Yes! Yes!
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Watch us die..."
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on our one-of-a-kind
Hill to Die On.
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(cheering and applause)
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No fight is too small to make
a huge (bleep) deal over.
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Not enough people saying
"Merry Christmas"?
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Die on that hill.
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I have to think for two seconds
about your "preferred pronouns"?
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-Die on that hill.
-KLEPPER: Oh.
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Give that guy a TV Oscar.
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Shopposers,
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get your hands on your very own
Hill to Die On today.
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Tucker Carlson,
I'm looking at you.
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It's the perfect prop for what
you naturally do every night.
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But our great products keep
flying off the shelves.
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Tim Baltz, tell us how many
satisfied Shopposers we've got.
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Dozens, Jordan,
dozens of thousands.
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The Shopposition inbox is jammed
with glowing reviews,
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like this one for our Cayenne
Heart-Accelerator pills.
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Dr. Richard Jenkins writes,
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"This product is fatal
at any dosage." One star.
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That's one star,
the best kind of star.
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Okay, everyone, I'm sure
what he really means
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is "fatally great
at keeping you alert."
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Tomato/potato, Jordan.
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The point is, that last product
will kill you.
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Let's move on to another
satisfied customer.
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This review is for our
Shopposition-brand
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Bone Condenser.
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Rupert19-- 19-- Rupert19--
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Boy.
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(laughter)
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-Rupert1955.
-Rupert1955 writes:
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"Pill size is way too big.
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Don't know how this is supposed
to fit up there." One star.
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-Nice. -I think that's enough
product reviews for now.
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Shopposers, this is serious.
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We're under attack, and with our
show going off the air,
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you need these products
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so you can fight the globalists
on your own.
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There's nothing strange about a
media outlet making you afraid,
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then selling you products
to profit off that fear.
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Alex Jones tells you tap water
is feminizing men,
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then goes ahead and sells you
male vitality supplements.
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If that seems awfully convenient
to you,
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maybe you're just not seeing
things clearly.
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In fact, you know what?
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Let me bring out
my trusty gaslight.
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There.
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Look at that gaslight.
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If you think
I'm making up problems
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and then selling you
the solution,
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your brain's just broken.
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Good thing I sell
brain-fixer pills,
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now on sale at
theshopposition.com.
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Is this gaslight getting bigger?
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Buy my drugs.
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Get on board.
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Who doesn't like pills?
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Yummy, yummy in my tummy.
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Pills make daddy go vroom-vroom.
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Don't question it.
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You need them.
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We're at war.
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How do you know?
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I already told you.
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Look at the gaslight.
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(bleep) it.
Buy the gaslight...
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with five reasonable payments
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of $29.66666.
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Wow, that is a deal!
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(cheers and applause)
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Our phone lines are open,
Opposers,
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and we need you
to win this fight.
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The fight continues.
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