Don't Learn EVERYTHING From YouTube - YouTube

"Tears often spring to my eyes"

"yet I have to keep a smile on my face"

"Tears often spring to my eyes"

"yet I have to keep a smile-"

Dude at least let the tears come!

I want to thank YouTube.

Whatever I've learned in life,

its all thanks to YouTube.

We were all thirsty.

(W A S T E D)

YouTube taught us how to drink water!

We used to slither on the ground.

YouTube taught us how to walk! (like a shirt on a hanger)

We didn't know hoe to wear slippers.

YouTube taught us-

"M************ you don't know how to wear slippers?"

"Y'all watch this video who haven't"

"Like, subscribe, and f*** off"

-how to swear colorfully :(

(unspaghetti them legs)

(Tik Tok ref) "This guy is really working hard"

Please someone make a tutorial.

Please someone teach him.

"-keep feet on the slippers"

"then you first lift the right foot"

Bear god please learn how to wear pants first.

"-then move your feet forward"

"This was on how to wear slippers"

Finally!

Now where can I find the tutorial to remove them?

I can help you with that! (sike)

NONONONONO!!!

But now they don't do these time pass tutorials.

Instead, they teach life's most important skills.

How to do bakchodi (=worthless idle gossip)

"Today I'm gonna teach y'all how to do bakchodi"

"If you also want to do bakchodi"

"then you also become YouTubers" (say what)

"These f****** have no interest in studying"

"so they all flood YouTube to do bakchodi"

Did my dad actually make this video?!

"Their parents sent them here to pursue engineering"

"and these f****** are here to become YouTubers"

"Everyone wants to be a YouTuber but when they don't find content"

"they all come on YouTube to do bakchodi"

"All these dumbasses are being YouTubers"

"All day they keep making videos and sharing links"

"They don't have any other thing to do"

"If you also want to do bakchodi then become a YouTuber"

"Even girls are sitting being YouTubers"

So then I can just stand bro.

"Dumbasses"

Then, how to become a singer.

How to become a singer artist!

"You, sing in a deep voice"

"So how you have to sing, is what I'll tell you"

"Haaaaaaaaa"

(the haaaaa continues)

Bro this note is illegal.

(when you lag while laughing)

My grandpa yawns like this.

(wild card entry to grand finale)

(audition as a mixer grinder)

Next Arijit is herrrrrreee (about that)

~Haaa rendition of Tum Hi Ho~ (Arijit wants to know your location)

"and if there are ladies watching this, then they have to sing:"

"haaaa" (with tremors and higher pitch)

(vocal cords grunting under the strain)

I feel like my great grandmother right now.

"Incorporate this in your conversations"

"Child, do you wish to eat something?"

Haaaaaa (=yessss)

"Here, have this. This is what you need."

(assortment of cough suppressors)

Now all the great, wise teachers,

you better retire now

because YouTube experts are teaching how to deepen voice

in just one tip.

"-throw it. Throw your voice out"

"zzzzzzzzzzz" (the stolen z's from sleep of singers because of this revolutionary one tip)

Enough!

Dude I'm out of stock now!

*buzzes more violently*

I've completely dried up from inside!

"ah hahaha ha" (finish with a deadpan laugh)

They care about us more than our mothers.

That's why they teach stuff our parents never had to.

How to eat kurkure.

"Tear the packet"

"like that"

Oh? So you don't have to eat it like this?

Now don't tell me that you have to remove eggshells before eating eggs.

I've already consumed a hundred eggshells.

According to them, even our smile is like a wayward pervert.

"Whenevr you all smile"

"when you smile with your mouth open"

"then you have to keep your tongue against the roof of your mouth"

The guy whose only female interaction has been with his mom, smiles exactly like this.

Is there anything different?

The same as is there between iPhone 11 and 12.

"when you keep your tongue up"

"it creates the best attraction between people" (Newton's unknown law)

"it creates the best attraction between people"

"It creates the best impact"

Smile that kills...your own self.

How to open door.

(Number of people still stuck in their rooms)

"Well done. There should be a round of applause for us."

So 18 lakh dolts before this video:

Hello, Daya? (=character famous for breaking down doors)

The correct way to urinate.

Now even this I was doing incorrectly?

"You have to sit like this."

Hey! Come and sit beside me.

Join me!

Huh? Don't you watch YouTube?

The correct way to ask for money.

So much love.

Give the money no.

Take it out. Come on.

You don't do all this.

If you are under the age of 18,

then ask your parents to directly transfer pocket money

in this FamPay Card.

India's first neo bank for teenagers.

You'll get your own UPI and card which is customizable...?

Abhishek?

What did you get?

"Gaaliya."

What the hell dude!

Why ask your parents repeatedly for cash, card, OTP.

Handle the payments on your own.

The forever greedy friends who keep asking for a party,

you can finally throw them one

and that too while showing off

that "I'll pay with my FamCard"

Then these YouTuber turned teachers are teaching a subject

that no one has ever taken up.

How to cry at your own wedding

Learn in just seven days. (=its a cultural thing; brides cry while leaving their home)

*Google voice* "Every girl has to cry at her wedding"

"otherwise distant relatives cook up nonsense gossip"

Whose relatives are like them?

And what one has with her...is not exactly a relationship.

"-you have to try crying like:"

"wa wa wa wa woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo

bua ji (=dad's sister) waa waa waa woohoo woohoo woohoo.

I have to cry, not gossip with monkeys.

"woo woo woo woo mausi ji mausi ji (=mom's sister)"

If I cry like this then the groom's family will return me then and there

that they don't want this Alexa ripoff.

"aa aa aa aa I won't go oo oo oo"

The first wedding where the parents will start laughing on bidding farewell to daughter.

How to fake tears in 10 seconds! (smell a fresh chopped onion)

"You have to count from 1 to 10 and tears will start flowing"

*almost sob* "8"

Eight.

*sob* "9"

*trying to imitate the tone* Nine.

*choking sob* "10"

Ten.

"See friends? How tears have come to my eyes."

Yeah man!

As of now, Rajasthan has more water than my eyes! (=Thar desert area)

And whose life here is going so well

that they need a bloody tutorial to cry?! (facts tho)

Knowledge increases through sharing.

So through the pious medium of the internet

what knowledge did we share?

How to make khaini! (=chewing tobacco)

"-materials you can add"

"And if you blend it perfectly"

"then the taste will increase"

Hey, you Masterchef Australia judge,

Lavanya from South Mumbai isn't watching your KhAiNi ReCiPe.

"Take care while mixing it"

"that your lips don't get chaffed, meaning your lips don't get injured"

Even though you might die eating poison

but your lips should remain luscious.

"lips shouldn't get chaffed" (ew)

"There's a special brand too, whose name I cannot take"

"There's a special brand too"

Sorry but our khaini influencer does not take brand names for free.

Only paid khaini promotions.

Now when you give books to normal kids they study.

Legendary kids teach you...

how to make khaini.

"Oh yes, girls shouldn't watch this video" (heh too late)

"That is wrong"

Anyway, I know how to make it. (le gasp from the dude in video)

Huh?!

"Everyone's way of asking is different like"

"bro, gimme some of it,"

"or bro, do you have it with you, bro-"

Bro bro- all the fraternities are building through khaini right?

On Raksha Bandhan, girls bring rakhi and boys bring khaini!

With secret ingredient.

"Khaini is ready. *someone farts*"

*dubious giggling*

So this is how the brotherhood is increasing.

"This sound that you heard just now ignore it."

"We even ask the policeman for this"

"Why be shy when we eat it"

(every person watching this right now)

"Y'all must've heard a saying in Hindi"

Which one?

"Eighty pinches and ninety claps"

"hey lad, don't eat khaini before those taps"

*dramatic glass shatters*

Nope haven't heard it at all.

Sorry, but we haven't ever been to Khaini Poetry Nights ever.

(BRUH)

T-there's a tutorial for this too?!

Give it, I'd rather take the khaini accompanied with farts.

(and I oop-)

Woah woah woah, we'll learn the rest on our own.

They are making videos

as if before that no one was able to clean themselves.

So even after watching 10-15 tutorials

we were still complete dolts.

So now hopefully we would learn something. (about that)

Hypnosis with eyes. (rotate eyeballs really fast)

(white is sus)

(Thanos trying to take mind stone from Vision)

Dude let alone eyes, his entire head will fall off!

It's not a joystick!!

The blood in his veins is foaming

His blood vessels are entangled and knotted!

The poor guy is dead.

Hypnotized forever.

"You must have seen my hand"

"It had come forth like this"

"Something is definitely fishy Abhijeet" (=CID show)

(unconventional namaste)

(these people will make the perilymph spill out from ears smh)

Poor guy has to experiment what not on his wife to go out partying with friends.

(blue is sus because he's "vent"ing. Get it? Cathartic venting? Eh?)

(Ouch.)

(smile of someone who just created a disaster)

(She's literally bone breakingly tired of his antics)

So as you can see,

her neck is hypnotised

and now she's under my control

So y'all also try this on your aging parents- (don't :) )

"Shut up"

Looks like I'll have to hypnotize her again.

"SHUT IT.

"Fake doctor..."

How to make a fool out of people. (already nailed that)

That we already have learned.

"Hide your secrets" (yeah why would they be secret otherwise)

"If someone asks you where you live"

"then reply "why? You wanna come for dinner?"

"If someone asks you your name"

"then reply "why? you wanna spoil my name?"

"so brother here you have to twist the words" (basically be an A-hole)

Well, okay then.

What is your favorite dish?

Why?

Will you mix poison in it?

Do you have a car?

Why? Will you puncture its tyres?

Shall we go by bus today?

Why? Do you pickpocket on the bus?

No, I'll shoot someone.

So now you've learned guys *how to get rid of an absurd friend*

Subscribe for more absurd tutorials.

*the deadpan laughter*

So ThAt iS It FoR tOdAy GuYs.

If you're under 18, then get your own custom FamCard.

The KYC process for you and your parents will be done in a minute

very safely.

Also, the FamCard has a token amount of Rs. 101 especially for you.

Link *in the description*

And if you also don't need a tutorial...for cleansing purposes

then please do subscribe (help us with bakchodi)

Drop a like, share with your friends-

"-haven't seen the video. Like share subscribe and f*** off"

And we'll see you guys in the next one. (Toodles!)

*intense and fervent haaaaa-ing*

"many people, educated ones, ask for this from the rickshaw puller"

"By doing this y'all must've learnt how to do bakchodi"