$10M+ CEO: I actually opened and read these emails - YouTube

Channel: Ravi Abuvala

I'm going to be auditing five cold
emails that made their way into my
We're back at it again with another
episode of Cold Email Auditing.
I'll be your host, Mr. Ravi Abuvala
We have generated tens
of millions of dollars from cold
email and our company in
Scaling With Systems. And in today's video
I'm going to be auditing five
different cold emails that made
their way into my inbox.
What I would do to change them, to
have them start performing and what
I would rank them one out of ten so
that you know what to stay away from
and which ones to model after.
All right. Email number one we are
getting from Aurelian Amacker
and this is
J.V. Opportunity Systems IO
highest paying offer of the year.
So if you see this in my other
videos where I audit some emails,
you can tell already that there's
three main parts that I talk about
with email copywriting.
The first is the subject line.
The second is the first line of text
that convinces someone to keep on
reading. And the third is the whole
body slash call to action.
And the issue that I see a lot of
people making in the subject line is
that they put their company name in
the subject line, which is great if
someone knows what system IO is, but
I'll be frank with you, I have no
idea. what's system IO is and my
company's name is scaling with
systems. Right.
So it's just emails.
Highest paying offer of the year.
That's not bad.
But at the same time, this has
no personalization in it whatsoever.
So this person Aurelian
obviously just took this email and
blasted to 10,000 people.
And so why should I respond if I
don't feel like this is the perfect
fit for me?
Why should I, as the end client
of this, even care about responding?
So I would change the subject line
to be like something like you're
the perfect fit or quick question,
something that makes it think that
this email is just for me.
Hello comma.
I definitely would add a first name
after that. No personalization
Systems. Io's collaborated with
some of the biggest names in the
industry to create a free offer
packed with value for your audience.
Names like Richard Shiffrin, Dan
Log, Ryan Levesque, Dan
Sharp, Jason Something and
Rob Douglas and more.
So a few things I
would do right off the bat here.
Like I've said in my other videos,
the first line of text
is the most important.
The cold email.
Great copywriting is just getting
someone's permission to read the
next line.
And so if the first line is systems.io
has collaborated with.
Whoa, whoa. Okay.
Who are you?
Why should I care?
Like, where did you find me?
These are all things that you have
to address in someone's mind.
It's like writing a really good
sales letter. So that's something
that we do with our clients.
It's going with systems and there's
people just throw words on the page,
right? And what they don't
understand is there needs to be a
correct order of operations for the
words they think they're. Because
when someone gets something they
don't know, there is literally a
scientific order of operations in
their brain that happens.
How did you find me?
Who are you?
Why should I trust you?
Right. All of these things need to
be established before we get
to the call to action and
aurelian here.
Excuse me. If I'm pronounce the name
wrong, just went straight for the
throat so I would have said hello.
Ravi, I came across
your company scaling with systems when I
was looking for amazing
potential partners for our company
systems.io systems.io
is a company that does X, Y and
Z, and we've worked with some of the
largest names like Baba, Rich Friend
and Long Run The Best Guy, and more
than I think you'd
be a great fit for a serious JV
And in return we can either
promote your offer to our 70,000
active list or offer you an upfront
payment, right?
So they're like, establish
some credibility, establish who you
are. I do like that they name
dropped in here, so that's a good
thing at least. But once again, it's
just like it would be like me
walking up to a girl on the street
and be like, How do I phrases
greatness? So I see some girl
walking up the street and I go to it
and I'd be like, Yeah, so dinner
tonight at 7:00.
Okay, cool. I'll see you there.
It's just like, Oh, what?
Who are you? Why me?
These are the things you have to
keep in mind. And I always think
that dating and prospecting
have a lot of commonalities in it.
So if you're about a dating,
well, then maybe proximity isn't for
you. So does this sound
worth exploring? Best regards early
on. And the other thing that I don't
love about this is, man, is this
stuff big right here, right?
So this just screams cold
message sent to 10,000 people.
And I don't you know, some people
might disagree with me here.
I do not love the profile
image, the logo, all of the links
to their stuff, the you know,
all this stuff here, their website,
this free button down here, just
like I never signed up to this
person's email list.
And this is way too much
information. And as soon as I open
this email, as soon as I see all
this, I'm exhausted or I don't even
read the rest of the email.
So keep it so that it looks like
someone actually spent the time to
type this out and send it to you
and you'll have a much higher
response rate from that.
Overall, I'd probably give this
email a three out of ten or an
email. Number two here is from
Chris. It says
Response for reply.
Sorry, this is a rugby question.
Okay, so not a bad
subject line, to be honest with you,
because it is it looks like a much
more personalized subject line.
I actually really love subject lines
where the first letter is a
lowercase letter.
I've literally sent tens of
thousands of emails. So some of this
stuff may seem a little bit.
For so many people. But, you know,
when you're when you're sending an
email quickly from your phone, you
you sometimes don't even capitalize
the first letter in the subject
line. So it it's different.
It's unique. It makes it looks like
this person just sent this email to
me. I'll tell you another little
quick bonus for those of you that
are enjoying this video.
I have had the highest response
rates in the world.
When I had an advertising agency and
I would send cold emails, I was the
main way we would acquire clients
and at the very bottom I would put
that line that said sent from my
iPhone. Now, this was years ago.
I don't think iPhone even does that
anymore, but I would say sent from
my iPhone. And so it just made it
look so much more
personalized. And like I literally
typed this out on my phone.
So think of ways that you can do
that to this person. Feels like,
okay, you're not they're not a
number and 10,000 emails that you're
sending haven't heard back
from you. I'm not sure what
happened. Okay. So I've talked about
this in some my other videos.
This is obviously a response to
an earlier email that they sent me.
Now, Chris, I am going to give bonus
points here to Chris because
what he has done is what I notice
a lot of people don't do is he has
put his follow up emails in the same
thread as his original email.
This is so important because I
haven't heard back from you. I'm not
sure what happened. What am I going?
What are we? Just talk about the last
person. Who the hell are you?
Why do you care what happens to me?
Like, what do you do?
And now at least I can go
back to the beginning.
What it looks like is the bottom
here. The first email they sent me
and get a little bit more context.
Now, the one piece of feedback I
would give Chris if I was talking to
Chris or he was a client of mine,
was that I don't mind
the follow up emails, but what I
would really love to see is a
at least one line of reference in
the follow up email.
So I haven't heard back from you.
I'm not sure what happened.
Just as a reminder, my name is Chris
and I help X, Y or Z.
So that way if I wanted to read the
rest of the text, I could remember.
Copywriting is just getting
someone's permission to read the
next line. So if I have to go dig
into my emails or dig into this
message here just to figure out who
you are, it's over.
You've lost.
I'm not going to do it right.
So if I
looks back down here again, I can
see his original email.
So let's just audit his original
email. Hey, Ravi.
Chris here. You've never heard of
me. Okay, so I've
talked about this in a few of my
other videos as well.
In your email inbox, if you
go to Gmail or Apple or
God forbid, use something like
Hotmail and you look in the
actual platform, the email platform,
you get a subject line when you're
looking at an email and you get
something called a pre header text,
which is the first like 1 to 10
words in the email before
you even open the email.
So what we always want to do
is we want to make the subject line
in the pre header text work together
and then we want to make the first
line of text that pre text look like
it was like a very personalized
email that you're just saying to
this one person and that will
skyrocket your open rates.
So if I was looking at this before I
even opened this email and I read
this is a Ravi question, okay, I'm
curious about this. And then the
first line that I see in the
prepared text says, Chris here,
you've never heard of me.
I'm out. I'm okay.
This is someone selling me
something. I don't care.
Why do I care if I've never heard of
Chris before? Right.
So instead I might be like, Ravi.
Chris here, love the videos that
I've seen online of you doing X, Y,
and Z that panders to
my huge ego.
And I'm like, Oh, well, let me open
the email and see what this is
about. Right?
And then and then they can say, you
may have never heard of me, right?
But it's past the pre header text
from afar as a pharmacist turn sales
guy to a lawyer turned
mega internet marketer.
Okay. Okay.
Once again, w ifm.
What is in it for me?
Why why do why do I care
of your your little mini
story here?
Right. I created a video for you and
your team shared a revenue driven
new strategy below for your offer.
Let me know if we can chat if a
chat makes sense.
Okay. So here are a few
additional adjustments I would do
here. So Ravi,
Chris here came across your company
scaling systems when I was looking
for X, Y and z,
our company looks like
creative DHO or DEA UX
Our company Creative Dough helps
offers just like you to skyrocket to
seven figures in six months or
less or their money back.
I created a video for your team
walking through exactly how we do it
for you.
Get access to it here.
Let me know if you chat.
Make sense. Here's my booking link.
Right. So one and
also social proof.
From a pharmacist turn sales guy to
a lawyer turned mega internet
For those that are watching this
video that are in the Internet
marketing world, anybody that calls
himself a mega Internet marketer,
I mean, with no disrespect to Chris,
I don't want to talk to you know,
I am mega Internet marketer.
The mega Internet marketers I know
they don't call themselves mega
Internet marketers.
And also, I think Internet
marketers also have a bad
rep. They have like a bad like
there's a bad connotation when
someone says Internet marketer.
Now I started as Internet
Market, I would consider myself a
business owner now, but I was
and ran my business like an Internet
marketer for years.
And for me at least, I can see
it as a as a negative.
I see as a negative connotation.
So I would not include that
personally in my cold email.
Now the things I'll give Chris
on here is obviously he has some
cute things. So you're like, if you
play your cards right, I might even
tell you the lamest joke I know.
And the other at the beginning of
the follow up email says, I don't
know if alligators ate the last few
notes that I sent you.
So it's like, you know, and then at
the bottom here, it says below
average vodka drinker.
So it's like, you know, okay, these
are cute little things.
I'll give them a few points for, I
guess, being cute.
But as a B-to-B person, there are
some huge, huge things that are
missing here. And especially if
you're trying to tell me how I
should drive a revenue strategy for
my business, I need more context on
you, and I think this email needs a
little bit of work. So all in all,
I'd probably give this email four
out of ten. Email number three is
from Mr. Tim Richards.
Quick question about your ad
services. Boom, Tim.
Way to go, my man.
I actually like this one.
Now I will say I just reread this
email. He's talking about the
advertising agency that I used to
run. I had an advertising, a
multiple seven figure advertising
agency called Prospect Social.
We service real estate agents.
I no longer have that company
anymore, but let's say I did have
that company.
Tim would say quick question about
your ad services is if I did have
that company, that would be
appealing to me because I'm like,
Oh, wow, this is maybe a client
and say, Hey, Ravi.
And also, hey, Ravi.
It's like there needs to be.
I really don't like grammatically
incorrect stuff on a cold emails
it just I think it's use
a free software like grammarly put
it inside of there make sure you're
not looking like a fool when you're
saying the emails out.
Because in my eyes I'm like, okay,
this person can't grammatically type
correctly. What else is wrong?
I'm a firm believer in how you do.
One thing is how you do everything.
So, hey, Ravi
bumped into your LinkedIn profile
when I was looking for Facebook ads
experts. Let's go back to what I
talked about previously.
The subject line matches
the the pre header text
and they both seem very
personalized. So this is going to
have a really high open rate.
So bold in your LinkedIn profile.
When I was looking for a Facebook
ads expert, we developed an an API
way platform that helps marketers
integrate Facebook tech talk lead
forms, a Google Sheets, CRM and 50
more marketing apps for automatic
client transfers between apps.
Okay, not bad.
I've talked about this in a few
other videos as well.
I recommend everybody that's doing
cold email use a software called
it's a website called Hemmingway App
and it makes your text much
more easier to understand.
So you always want to put text in
there and make it like a third grade
to fifth grade reading level.
And this line is a little bit of a
run online and it's really like
in a cold email.
If someone gets confused at all,
they're just going to exit out.
So you want to clean this up a
little bit. So, hey, Ravi bumped in
your LinkedIn profile when I was
looking for Facebook ads experts.
I'm reaching out because
our company API way
developed a platform that helps
marketers integrate their Facebook
and Tik-Tok live formats with
50 plus more marketing apps via
API period.
Right? So take out some of that
other stuff that's inside there and
make that the thing.
We work with clients such as
X, Y and Z, right?
Like this big person, this big
person, this big person here or we
worked with over there's over 792
happy marketing agencies that use
our clients, including the names
like X, Y and Z.
Right? If you're selling cold
emails, nobody wants to be the first
to do anything. So I need to know
how you helped other people with it.
And I might join a platform just
because I know somebody else that I
know is using it as well.
Because I'm thinking, well, you
know, they're using if they're
there with that person, then they
must be important, right.
So and it ends with do you use
Facebook lead forms for clients I
prospects also so you know I think
that API sounds like a software
so they probably don't have sales
calls, but I don't love leaving
cold emails with open ended
endings because it's like, okay,
then I respond back.
Yes, I use lead forms and then it's
just like long back and forth
of conversations where
if I was Tim, I might change that
Are you currently happy with the
integration between your Facebook
lead forms and your CRM?
Right. Okay, then you can no,
no, I'm not happy because it's
Now, I know this person has a ten
times more likelihood of
switching over our software versus
just saying, do you use Facebook
lead forms for clients?
Because let's if we're looking at a
funnel there, clients obviously
need to be using Facebook lead for
them. So it's like, okay, here is
I'm going to use rough numbers here.
Here is 10 million people using
Facebook leads forms.
Right. And I use Zapier and
I have a different video on Zapier.
So you guys can watch that if you
want to. But I use Zapier, so it's
like I use Facebook lead forms
and then the one below that is like,
am I happy with the automation that
I'm using right now?
I actually would go, How many people
are using Facebook forms?
10 million.
How many of them are using a
software to connect Facebook live
form sort of CRM, let's say 5
million. And then the one below that
is how many people that are using
a software to connect Facebook live
forms to CRM are unhappy
with the way they're currently doing
it. That could be 100,000.
So if you're seeing these emails
out, let's say that are the original
question here.
Do you use Facebook lead forms?
You get 10 million responses,
which is obviously an exaggeration.
Then you were trying to sift through
all of this stuff just to find the
100,000 that actually are
using it but are currently unhappy.
Right. And there's there's a great,
great bunch of great books and
ideas around.
Levels of awareness.
When you're doing a sales cycle and
when you're doing cold email, you
don't want to go to the top highest
level of awareness because that's
going to be a very long sales cycle
for your cold email and instead
spend some time when you're looking
for your clients,
as well as spending some time when
you're in your cold email to
actually find people that are
further along the awareness journey.
If I was to give you an example and
hopefully you guys are still with me
in this video here, but if I was to
give you an example, what I would
probably do is I would actually
there's a few softwares out there,
like built with where you can find
people that are currently using
different softwares and on built
with you can see if people are using
So I would go in and I would find
people that I knew were using Zapier
in my cold email.
I'd be using text that's like, Hey,
I, you're probably
using Zapier for your Facebook lead
forms. Here's why Zapier is
inferior to our product API
way, right?
Then it's like, okay, you're giving
me everything right here.
It makes so much more sense.
And I'm going to hop on a call or
test out your product or service
there. Okay.
Thanks, tim. From api way,
you know, in the united states for c
span laws, you do need to have your
your business address on here.
So I think he's missing this as
well. So I just think one or two
more lines of text and Tim, you
could have had a bang or email here,
but so far on today's video, I would
give this one the best one so far.
We probably put it in in six or
seven out of ten.
E.M. Before we have here is from
Excuse me if I'm pronouncing that
wrong, monetize your knowledge
with and with interactive live
classes. Okay, so I've
said this once, I've said it a
million times.
You make the subject line something
a little bit more personal so that
I'm more likely to open it.
If I know it's a sales letter, I'm
much less likely to do this.
I talk about this in a previous
video, but some of the best email
copywriters of all time, or I'm
sorry, were some of the best
copywriters of all time.
They used to send out handwritten
letters or, you know, mass market
direct messaging letters to people's
And what they would do is what they
make the actual physical letter.
You know, for some of you may have
never seen the letter in your life.
You guys are so young, but they
would make a physical letter look
like it was from one of their loved
ones or from their mom or from
their kid.
And they're much more likely to open
it that way because everybody knows
or they knew. I should say that if
you don't get someone to even open
letter in the first place, you're
marketing message. No matter how
much gold is written in, it has a 0%
chance of working. So I would change
the subject line to something a
little bit more personal.
Now, I'm not going to read this part
here because this is obviously a
follow up. Let me read the first one
here. Hi, Ravi.
My name is Cyrus.
I am the CEO of Light Hall, a
streaming platform for educators.
Okay, you guys already know I
love a line of personalization
inside of here instead of just
straight to my name is Search on the
City of Light Hall because I don't
really care, Ira.
The reason I'm reaching out is
I saw that you were a industry
leader in the business.
To business, you know, educator
space, something along those lines.
I'm not saying that I am, guys.
I'm just saying flatter me.
If you're trying to send me a cold
email, flatter me with how you found
me. Right.
And then. So, hi, Ravi.
I saw that you were an industry
leader in the B2B education space
and I wanted to reach out.
My name is Suresh.
I'm the CEO of Light Hall, a
livestreaming platform for
educators, period.
New paragraph.
Remember, we like to add different
lines, different hair.
Each line of text should be a
different paragraph. It's easier on
the eyes to read.
We work with 80 plus influential
educators with an audience of 10
million learners delivered large
scale interactive live classes on
professional skills.
Period. New paragraph.
I found your YouTube videos on sales
and believe you'd be a great fit for
our platform. Okay, so
what we should do is take this line
here I found you are
your videos on sales and I would
move that below.
Hi, Ravi.
Okay. Because now it is
that first line of personalization
is above where we're starting to get
into who I am or who you
are. Excuse me.
Our top educators would earning
$10,000 plus per month teaching live
interactive classes with hundreds of
paying learners per class.
We have even an incentive program
for new educators will pay you $280
per session of $5 per learner
who attends one of your sessions?
I love you.
I would love to give you a quick
demo and enjoy my questions.
You may have you can schedule a
quick 15 minute call here.
So all in all, not about email other
than those changes that I will do
there gets the points, add
social proof inside of here.
Only thing I'd probably say is
if you could add in
more specific names of people that
are on here. So okay, you run light
hall, but who uses light hall?
Right. You said 80 plus influential
virtual educators like X,
Y and Z.
Once again, don't be
afraid to use people's real names
are the real companies.
If you work with them, it can
massively help your response rates.
And then obviously did a follow up
and I will get service
credit because of all the emails
I've gone through.
This is the first that Will gives
you a reference in the follow up
not just in the original thread, but
it's in the same email.
So really, really great job on that
search. The thing I probably
say that I would just have to give
him the biggest feedback on is move
this. I found her YouTube videos
above the fold, essentially
right below hi rugby and also break
out this text a little bit more.
So it's just so much easier to read
finally on. No red light holds based
out of the United States C-SPAN
logs. You need your business address
and you need a way for someone to
opt out your stuff here.
So all in all, I'd probably give
this 1a7 out of ten.
This is actually really good, and
I'd bet that this thing's probably
producing decent results for source
IMO. Number five here by to think
it says subject line is free gifts.
So you know I don't love it
to be quite frank with you, the
subject of my free gifts.
Why do I care?
You know, it's like people that
message me say, Oh, I'd love to work
for you for free.
I don't want free stuff.
Right? I if you're working with the
business owner, depending on where
they're at, they probably don't want
free stuff either. They just want
things done.
And also, who are you?
So why free gift?
Also, nothing in life is free.
There's no such thing as a free
lunch rights tends to apple.
So just keep in mind that if
you're saying free gift, it's like
you're trying to trick the person in
to be like, Oh, here's this thing
with no strings attached,
which is obviously there are strings
attached. You want me to work with
you. So I don't love that subject
line. I would put it something a
little bit more personalized.
Hi, Ravi. I completely agree with
I agree with you.
To get what you want in life, you
have to ask for it, as you mentioned
in your last YouTube video.
Okay, so do think add
a line of personalization, which I
do like, but I had to
read this like closer and read
it twice to understand what you're
saying already.
You're losing in that instance
there. So I would have reworded that
a little bit. But so I might say
I do think the subject line might
say something like regarding your
last YouTube video.
Hi, Ravi. Comma, new paragraph.
In your last YouTube video, you
mentioned that to get what you want
in life, you have to ask for it.
And that's been my experience as
well. Just a little bit of change
there makes it so much easier to
read and understand.
Next paragraph.
I notice that you have your own
remote integrator masterclass, which
is our one of our products.
And for some reason that made me
remember an extremely succulent
old recession proof campaign
that made the founder a
multi-millionaire during the peak of
the Great Depression.
Okay. So I guess he's using a little
bit of like like curiosity
here, but let's read the rest of it.
So I put together an email inspired
by that old campaign related to
promoting a Guru Masterclass.
Also in the email I reveal why I did
what I did and why it is important
to the reader.
Do you want me to send it over?
For those of you that have been
paying attention and keeping up at
home, what's the main thing that's
wrong with this email? My opinion.
What's in it for me?
W I found so I
put an email together related to
your old masterclass and the email I
revealed why I did what I did and
why it's important to the reader.
It's like, okay, why
do I care? What is this email going
to do? Like it's there's too
much ambiguity here, I know that
you think is trying to add
ambiguity. So I'm like, Oh, well,
what is this and what is this about?
But at the same time it makes me
for me, it bothers me a little bit.
I would like and my cold emails
I like to get straight to the point
so that I can get someone to respond
back and know that they're a good
fit. Like I talked about one of the
earlier people, they're like, just
getting someone to respond is not
your goal in cold email.
Getting someone who's qualified and
has a basic understanding that what
you offer is paid and what it
is, then getting them to
respond. That's what you want.
I'd rather have five people respond
that actually want to work with me
or potentially want to work with me.
Then 500 people respond but
have no idea what they're doing
here. Right.
And also it's like I and for
some reason that made me
remember an extremely succulent old
recession proof. It's like, come on,
you effect my online
product made you remember this
that made the founder a
multi-millionaire during the peak of
the Great Recession. It's like it's
just reaching way too much or making
way too many jumps here.
And and it just this
whole email should be rewarded, to
be honest with you. I the only thing
I like about this email is the
fact that he had the personalization
of the YouTube video. But I have no
idea what this person does.
I have no idea who they work with.
In the past.
I also that remind me remember
an extremely succulent old recession
movie campaign that made the founder
a multi-millionaire. So you weren't
even involved in what made this
person the multi-millionaire?
It's like, So why should I care?
Who are you?
All these questions are left
unanswered. There's no signature,
there's no business address, and
there's no way to opt out.
So in all honesty, this one will
probably get a one out of ten from
me. The secret to generating
millions of dollars from outbound
cold messaging has nothing to do
with the actual message itself.
And I'm about to jump into my screen
here in screen share and show you
what it does have to do with.
And then I'm going to write
out a code message for you that
is guaranteed to convert.