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Trump鈥檚 Ukraine Call Released | The Daily Show - YouTube
Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
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When we left off last night,
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the Democratic announcement
of an impeachment inquiry
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had Trump up against the ropes,
and so in response,
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Trump said that he would release
a transcript
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of the phone call he had
with Ukraine's president,
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and Trump claimed
this transcript would prove
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that he is "so innocent,
the most innocent person."
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But now we've all seen
the transcript,
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and I'm starting to wonder
if Trump even read it.
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A just-released transcript
of a phone call
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shows President Trump asking
Ukrainian president Zelensky
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to investigate
his political rival,
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former vice president Joe Biden.
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And in this call,
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the president
repeatedly stresses
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how much the U.S. does
for Ukraine,
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and then he says...
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(reading):
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NEWSWOMAN: On the call,
the president said...
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(reading):
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He's using
the Justice Department
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to forward his political aims,
and you're right.
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Bill Barr is stuck
in the middle of this.
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This is the, again,
the definition,
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if we look up in the dictionary,
of abuse of power.
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This is abuse of power.
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Yes, the transcript
of the call is out.
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And not only
did Trump definitely ask
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the president of Ukraine
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to work with his
personal lawyer/vampire henchman
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to investigate Joe Biden,
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he also tried to rope in the
United States attorney general.
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And if that happened,
that's a big deal,
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because a president
can't go around
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using the Justice Department
as his personal TaskRabbit.
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That's not allowed, right?
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It's the same way
an employee at Domino's
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would get into trouble
for drying his laundry
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in the pizza oven, okay?
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You can do it,
but don't be shocked
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when Domino's
impeaches your ass.
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And you might be wondering,
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"If this phone call
is so damning,
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"why did Trump even release
the transcript?
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Only an idiot would do that."
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-Exactly. And, also...
-(laughter)
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-And, also...
-(cheering and applause)
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this is what Trump does.
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He does this all the time.
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Like, Trump is the only person
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who'll do something so bad
right out in the open
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that it makes you question
whether it's actually bad.
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Right? It's just, like,
a powerful thing that...
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It's the same way that Kanye can
walk around basically in rags,
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but because he does it
so confidently,
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we're just like,
"I guess that's a style now?
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"I wish I looked like
I was attacked
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by hungry badgers?"
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(laughter)
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And if you're thinking,
"Wait, how do we even know
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exactly what Trump said on
that call to a foreign leader,"
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well, apparently,
all calls in the White House
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are recorded
for quality assurance purposes.
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Now, we should note
that at the bottom of this log,
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there is a disclaimer
that this is not
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a "verbatim transcript
of a discussion."
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A senior White House official
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says that there is
voice recognition software
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that puts the transcript out--
what it calls a transcript--
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and then those who would listen
to the phone call look over that
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to make sure
that it is an accurate reading.
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Yes, the software that monitors
the president's calls
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writes it down,
and then someone checks it.
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And can I just say I feel so bad
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for whatever
voice recognition software
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has to try and make sense
of what Donald Trump is saying.
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'Cause, you realize,
that computer is programmed
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to recognize
normal human speech patterns,
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not the Donald.
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He's just out there like,
"And, so, I say, I say,
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"they were so big. Not as big.
Electoral college.
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"China. The wall. Big time.
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"Bigly and all.
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That's me."
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(laughter)
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Yeah, honestly,
the computer probably listens
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for ten seconds to Trump,
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and then it just throws itself
into a bathtub like, "Kill me."
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(laughter and applause)
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So, look, the transcript is bad.
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But as bad as this seems
for Trump,
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this transcript has turned into
a political Rorschach test.
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Right?
Democrats see a smoking gun
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that proves
Donald Trump abused his power
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and deserves to lose his job.
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Republicans see a man
who's innocent
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and is just passionate
about cracking down
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on corruption in Ukraine.
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And I see my dad
forgetting my birthday,
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even though we were born
on the same day.
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So, if you're on Team Trump,
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this transcript wasn't
a disaster--
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it was a total win.
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This call did not--
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this is my opinion--
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did not contain a smoking gun,
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did not contain anything
that could be used
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to impeach the president
of the United States.
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Now that we've seen the tram--
transcript,
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there is no there there.
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From my point of view,
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to impeach any president
over a phone call like this
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would be insane.
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The bottom line here is that,
in this transcript,
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there's no quid pro quo,
there's no improper leverage
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and the overall tone
of this transcript
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is that it is
mutually laudatory.
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You take a look at that call.
It was perfect.
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I didn't do it.
There was no quid pro quo.
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"That's right, folks.
There's no quid pro quo.
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Because I would never speak
Latin on my calls."
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So, in a nutshell,
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that was day two
on the road to impeachment.
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The White House released
the transcript,
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Congress has officially received
the full whistleblower's report
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and we'll have to wait
to find out what happens next.
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And it could be anything.
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We could find out
that Mike Pence
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also pressured Ukraine on a call
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or we could find out the secret
identity of the whistleblower.
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Spoiler alert,
I think it's Tekashi69.
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Guy's snitching on everybody.
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-(applause)
-Until then,
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until then,
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we don't know anything.
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What we do know
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is that Trump's defenders
have already decided
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on their big talking point
and that is
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that this whole thing
is a nothingburger
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because there was
no explicit quid pro quo.
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In other words,
President Trump may have asked
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the Ukrainian leader
for a favor,
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but he didn't say, "Do the favor
or no military support."
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But let's-let's be honest.
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Like, you don't need to be
explicit to set up a shady deal.
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I mean, if you've ever watched
any Mafia anythings,
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you'll know that explicit is the
exact opposite of what they do.
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I mean, it's just like
this scene from The Sopranos.
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Listen, Danny, we just want you
to know how glad we are
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a guy like you is on that jury.
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That mob thing,
that Junior Soprano trial.
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(register dings)
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I got that.
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CASHIER:
$14.20.
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Hey, hey, what are you doing?
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It's a privilege.
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Hard-working guy.
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Wife and two kids.
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Performing a civic duty
we should all take part in.
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We know
you'll do the right thing.
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Now, this may shock you,
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but that man
was not actually being friendly
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to that other man.
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But I guess it's too subtle
for Trump and his defenders.
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I guess if they wrote
for The Sopranos,
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that scene would have gone
a lot more like this.
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Hey, Danny, I need you
to find my boss not guilty
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or we'll murder your family.
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Oh, I see. Like a quid pro quo.
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Exactly.
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This is a quid pro quo.
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(laughter, applause)
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You figure it out for yourself.
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