Bachelor Auction - SNL - YouTube

>>> GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE. SOLE FOR A WHOPPING $1,600.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THIS LOVELY YOUNG LADY AT TABLE SIX.

YOU HAVE WON BREAKFAST AND A PRIVATE TENNIS LESSON WITH OUR

HEAD INSTRUCTOR BRANDON. >> HEADS UP, I'M GOING TO MAKE

YOU SWEAT. >> AT BREAKFAST?

>> NO. THE TENNIS LESSON.

>> OKAY, YOU TWO SEE DANA TO SET THAT DATE.

$1600 IS OUR BIGGEST TAKE SO FAR IN OUR BACHELOR AUCTION.

REMEMBER, ALL PROCEEDS FROM TONIGHT GO TO OUR CLUB'S YOUTH

TRAVELING TEAM. SO PLEASE, KEEP GIVING

GENEROUSLY. OUR NEXT TENNIS CLUB BACHELOR

WORKS AT THE PRO SHOP. IT'S CHAD.

YOU MAY KNOW CHAD FROM VAPING IN THE PARKING LOT.

YOU ARE BIDDING ON LUNCH WITH CHAD.

>> OKAY. >> FANTASTIC.

LET'S START IT OUT AT 50 BIG ONES.

>> SOMETHING ABOUT THAT VOICE. ALL RIGHT, CHAD HELP US OUT

HERE. WHY DON'T YOU SELL YOURSELF FOR

THE LADIES. GOT ANY FUN TALENTS?

>> I -- I MADE UP A DANCE CALLED "THE DOINK DOINK."

>> ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE THE DOINK DOINK.

>> OKAY. >> DOINK DOINK.

DOINK DOINK. DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK DOINK.

BOOP. >> OH, MY GOSH.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE. >> YES, WE HAVE EYES SYLVIA.

$100. >> $500.

>> $1,000. >> $2,000.

>> DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK DOINK DOINK.

>> $5,000. >> TYPICAL CECIL, JUMP IN WHEN

THE ACTIONS HOT. >> $10,000 AND I'LL RAISE MYSELF

TO 15. I MUST HAVE THE DOINK DOINK.

>> GO HOME, LADIES. $30,000!

>> $50,000. AND THAT'S A BARGAIN.

AND I AM WILLING TO GO TO SIX FIGURES.

BUT I NEED MORE. WHAT ELSE DOES CHAD BRING TO THE

TABLE? >> CHAD ANY OTHER HIDDEN

TALENTS? >> I CAN DO AN IMPRESSION OF JIM

CAREY AS THE GRINCH. >> OH, JESUS CHRIST, THIS PLACE

IS GOING TO EXPLODE. >> $100,000.

I DON'T EVEN NEED TO HEAR IT. >> WHAT IF IT'S NOT GOOD.

>> OF COURSE IT WILL BE GOOD. IT'S CHAD, YOU COW.

>> SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU. LET CHAD WORK.

>> OKAY. THIS IS WHEN HE'S TALKING TO THE

DOG. "TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS, IT'S

PRACTICALLY HERE!" >> $500,000!

>> $600,000. THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE

GRINCH. >> $700,000, AND I DIDN'T EVEN

SEE THE GRINCH. >> I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE UPSIDE

DOWN RIGHT NOW. CHAD'S GRINCH IMPRESSION TOOK TO

US 700 GRAND. ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE HIDING FROM

US? >> I CAN DO A MAGIC TRICK.

>> IT'S POINTLESS, LADIES, THERE IS A REASON YOU ALL CALL ME

RICHIE BITCH BEHIND MY BACK. I GET WHAT I WANT.

>> QUIET PIG, LOOK. >> BOING, BOING, BOING, BOING,

BOING, BOING, BOING. BOING, BOING, BOING.

>> $10 MILLION! >> $10 MILLION.

GOING ONCE, TWICE, SOLD TO THE MYSTERY MAN IN THE FUN COAT.

WHO ARE YOU, SIR? >> IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT MATTERS IS THE LUNCH WITH CHAD IS MINE!

HAVE THE BOY CLEANED AND TAKEN TO MYELOGENOUS.

>> SOUNDS KIND OF CREEPY. ARE YOU COOL WITH THAT, CHAD?

>> OKAY. >> CHAD'S COOL WITH IT.

BIG HAND FOR CHAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

ALL RIGHT, ONTO OUR BIG TICKET ITEM.

WE PULLED A LOT OF STRINGS TO GET HIM HERE.

GET YOUR CHECKBOOKS OUT, LADIES. READY FOR OUR NEXT BACHELOR,

TENNIS LEGEND, MR. JOHN McENROE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

TELL US, WHAT ARE THEY BIDDING ON MR. McENROE.

>> ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, WHAT I'M OFFERING IS A WEEKEND STAY AT MY

ESTATE, AKA, THE MACK SHACK. IT INCLUDES A THREE-HOUR TENNIS

LESSON FROM YOURS TRULY, A MIXED DOUBLES MATCH WITH ANDRE AGASSI

AND STEFFI GRAF, AND OF COURSE UNLIMITED SELFIES WITH ME,

JOHN McENROE, THE BAD BOY OF TENNIS.

>> WOW. WOW, LADIES, THE BAD BOY OF

TENNIS. START THAT BIDDING.

>> WHAT? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I'M JOHN McENROE, MAN! WHAT DO YOU LADIES WANT?

YOU CAN BRING CHAD ALONG. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?

DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK, DOINK.

>> $20 MILLION. >> NOW THAT IS MORE LIKE IT.

>> SOLD. $20 MILLION.

[ APPLAUSE ]