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Being Indian in America, Customer Service & Why we are "Paavam" : Stand up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian - YouTube
Channel: Kenny Sebastian
[11]
Being an American was
kind of weird because
[14]
there is this weird thing
I experienced called Customer Service.
[19]
It’s where to go to any place
and they care about you.
[23]
I am a big fan of Seinfeld.
[24]
Any Seinfeld fans here?
[26]
Whoa.
[28]
And I went to the Seinfeld diner
[30]
and the diner lady came.
[32]
She said,
[33]
‘Hey, honey.
[35]
Are you ready to order?’
[38]
Because I haven’t experienced
so much niceness,
[40]
I couldn’t read English anymore.
[44]
Hamburger...
[46]
Sandwich...
[51]
‘Hey honey,
[52]
honey, it is okay.
[55]
Take your time.
[57]
I will be back in 15 minutes.
[61]
I will take care of you.’
[63]
And she walked away.
[64]
My own mother hasn’t spoken
to me like that.
[70]
She was so insanely nice.
[72]
Also, one thing
I noticed was that Indians
[73]
are very ‘Paavam’.
[75]
Paavam.
[76]
Hmm.
[78]
People who don’t know...
[78]
what the meaning of Paavam?
[82]
Innocent.
[84]
Harmless.
[85]
Harmless.
[86]
It is actually the combination of
[88]
all nice things in purity.
[90]
It is like an Aquafina droplet.
[93]
It’s just...
[95]
It’s just pure.
[96]
Paavam is someone so pure
that if you smoke and touch them,
[98]
then they will be like... Oh!
[100]
Nicotine!
[101]
They are just like super
[102]
clean and innocent
[104]
and no I don’t want to...
[105]
If they were given
a choice they would stand
[108]
between molecules because
they don’t want take space.
[111]
This Paavam.
[112]
And I realize that
Indians are very Paavam.
[114]
Americans are completely the opposite.
[115]
I don’t know if...
[116]
Maybe it is the way
we have been raised that
[118]
we feel that we are not entitled
[120]
to things or respect
or treatment or something.
[122]
But Americans are
completely the opposite.
[124]
They have the opposite
[125]
spectrum where they feel
that deserve everything.
[128]
The best of everything.
[130]
So, I went to a coffee shop.
[131]
And as usual, I’m like...
[132]
around all white people.
[137]
Paavam moment on.
[142]
So, I’m going to the coffee shop,
[143]
standing in line
[144]
and there was this lady
[146]
who just came from the table
and she was like...
[147]
I would like some lettuce,
[148]
some cheese, some ranch,
[150]
some ketchup
and you better get it to me now.
[151]
I don’t like what this is.
[153]
He’s like,
[153]
‘Madam, that’s table decoration.’
[157]
She’s like, ‘Okay, fine.’
[158]
She didn’t even
want to order anything.
[160]
And then
I went and ordered a coffee.
[161]
One coffee.
[161]
She said, ‘What?’ Coffee.
[163]
Coffee.
[164]
‘Sure.’
[165]
And I had the coffee,
[166]
drank it and I was like,
[168]
‘There is no sugar.’
[177]
But I don’t deserve sugar.
[186]
This is always happening.
[188]
Also the thing is again
as Indians we were always
[190]
told that fairer skin is better
and everything.
[192]
We’ve been brainwashed
[194]
that white people are the
ultimate of beauty.
[198]
That’s the problem.
[199]
I went there and it was
a factory churning
[201]
out good-looking people.
[203]
And that is LA.
[203]
That was just good looking
people everywhere.
[206]
You know how fuck all that is?
[208]
You walk in...
my Paavam level was like...
[210]
got a new generator
to generate my Paavam level.
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Full blast, Paavam.
[214]
And I went to the beach.
[216]
Big mistake.
[217]
Because on the beach
they don’t believe in t-shirts.
[220]
They will be topless.
[221]
Everyone is topless.
[222]
And everyone is like...
[223]
there are guys running
[224]
wearing a small brief
[225]
and one leg shoes
[227]
and the iPod,
I don’t know where it’s hooked onto.
[230]
I see headphones
[231]
but I don’t know where the...
[232]
There is no space.
[234]
Bare minimum covering is happening.
[237]
They are just running.
[237]
All guys are just running.
Perfect body.
[239]
Like Michelangelo
has sculpted their body.
[244]
Their muscles are singing.
[248]
That’s what they’re listening to.
[250]
I feel like they were
sweating gold.
[253]
I want to collect that gold
[254]
and invest it
and watch it appreciate.
[256]
They were so cool
that oxygen was following them.
[259]
Oxygen says,
‘I’m with this guy.
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Fuck you, Kenny.’
[269]
And then, so I was like,
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I want to be cool.
[272]
Okay?
[274]
I know how to roller skate.
[277]
And everyone was rollerblading.
[281]
And I didn’t know
those two things are different.
[284]
I was like instead of four wheels
it is in one line. Easy.
[287]
So, I went.
[288]
He asked,
[289]
Do you want rollerskates
or rollerblades?
[290]
I’m like...
[293]
whatever is convenient for you.
[295]
So he gave me rollerblades
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and I fell on my ass 10 times.
[299]
And the thing is...
[300]
I was secretly hoping that
when I went to America,
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I would face racism
[304]
and I would get great material.
[306]
And I’ll come here and guys,
full racism.
[309]
But everyone is really nice.
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So it was even worse.
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Too nice.
[313]
Everyone talks to each other.
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Like Punjabis. The same.
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They are all friendly.
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I got rollerblades
and I’m falling.
[323]
And every time I fell,
[324]
some random white
dude just stopped.
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Hey man,
[330]
you okay?
[340]
Yeah, man.
[341]
You.
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I care about you, man.
[346]
Why do we fall?
[349]
So we can pick ourselves up again.
[359]
Thank you, uncle.
[361]
I didn’t know what to say
[362]
to this nice white man.
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