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Every Team Makes Its Case to the Lottery Gods for Zion | Game Of Zones S6E6 - YouTube
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Welcome to the Sept of Baylor, a shrine to bad front-office decisions,
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the kind that have led all of you here to the draft lottery!
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Today, we gather in the presence of the lottery gods
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to witness the bestowing of the first pick.
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I am Mark Tatum, Hand of the High Commissioner
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Where’s the Silver Lord?
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What, he too good for us?
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Yes, actually. And besides, this is…
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Yes, actually. And besides, this is…
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this is sort of my thing.
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Yeah, you know what?
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Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Mark Tatum
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That’s right!
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Let’s give a little love to the guy behind the guy
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OK all right. Thanks.
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As per tradition, each house has chosen one delegate to represent them
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I do question some of your delegate choices,
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but then again, questionable decisions are why
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many of you find yourselves here.
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Um...House Pelicans...
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Come on, you know who the fanlings want to see
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That’s better
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Um...excuse me, House Mavs?
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What is this?
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We’re, uh, Triple Dirks
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OK, well, you gotta pick one representative,
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so figure out who is the next Dirk in the next 10 seconds, please.
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All right, well, I mean, I’m the most experienced…
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Well, I’m clearly the face of House Mavericks
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And I’m from Dirk’s hometown
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so yeah...I mean it’s hard
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We all have really good cases
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All right, you know what? I’ll let you guys sort this out next season
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House Lakers?
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-Get out there
-All right. Get off me
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Hi
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Hey
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OK, so, we’re all good?
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Everyone knows how this works?
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Uh...not really
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Right. Well, each house will have a chance to make
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their final plea to the lottery gods as to
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why they should get the first pick.
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So, who would like to be the first to make a claim?
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Great, the goat...made poop on the floor
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Excuse me?
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No, not you
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Sarver, why is there a goat here?
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Because it’s a metaphor and it’s FUNNY
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OK, well, please send a new representative down
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Preferably a human
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OK, the floor is open
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Oh...I’ll take a stab here
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I would say to the gods
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that you should give House Kings the first pick because—
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Actually, no, it would go to the Sixers
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Aw, crap, yeah...
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OK, gods, you should give House Kings the second pick—
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No, then it would go to House Celtics, I believe
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Wait, what? Who made this—I made this
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Ugh
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OK, do some—someone else should go. I don’t want to.
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No house has fallen harder than that of the Grizzly
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Ser Gasol is gone,
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but Chandler Parsons—and his stupid contract—remain
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Eh, could be worse
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Bless us, oh lottery gods, with the squire Zion,
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so that Grit and Grind may rise again,
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as a bane to all Western powers.
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The great House Knicks has not had a first pick in over 30 years
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Lord Fizdale?
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We finally have cast off our overrated European big man
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to make room for the Great Zion
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Please, gods, take that for data,
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and give House Knicks the first pick.
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Oh yeah, please
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If House Knicks gets Zion, they’ll just
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send him away in another terrible trade, right?
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Rude!
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You, Ser Kristaps, are now banned from The Garden!
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OK, you can’t just ban an opposing knight from your arena
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You’re banned, Mark!
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Does anyone else want to make a plea to the gods?
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Ah, Ser Devin. Welcome.
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Screw House Suns!
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They rejected our alliance
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and stole the first pick from us last year.
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Yeah, they already have Luka!
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No they don’t
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Wait, so who did you guys take?
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I think Trae Young
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Huh? What?
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We took Deandre Ayton
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Oh, yeah
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How's he been this year?
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He’s actually pretty solid…
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Yeah?
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Uh, yeah, he’s quietly having a decent squire season
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-Oh, that’s good to hear
-You like to hear that
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Ser Anthony Davis?
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You want to make a plea for House Pelicans?
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Yes
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Read this, and we will trade you to House Lakers
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Not that part. Don’t read that part!
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Ah, right. OK, let’s try this again
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We, House Pelicans, are but a humble house,
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and we kindly ask you for your blessing.
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Zion is the hero that House Pelicans needs,
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a knight who can take us further than one playoff series win...
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...in seven seasons.
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We once had a transformative, all-realm knight,
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but he lacked the fortitude to take…
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the fortitude it takes to commit to a small market.
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OK, it’s MY fault? That I—
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Sorry I couldn't beat House Warriors with Jrue Holiday
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and half a season of Boogie Cousins.
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Um, thank you, AD...
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House Cavs, would you like to make your case?
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If the gods truly care to see the squire Zion flourish,
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they should give the first pick to House Cavs,
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where he will be surrounded by championship-caliber veterans
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and a Lord who knows how to win.
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Oh, please. You know, there’s a reason I left...
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twice.
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Oh yeah?
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Because you’ve made House Lakers such
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a welcoming place for young talent?
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Who's fitting out now?
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Hey Kevin?
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Yes, LeBron?
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I miss you.
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I...
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I miss you too
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All right, guys...
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let’s maybe keep the overt tampering to a minimum.
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OK, then. Who's next?
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House Hawks?
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Wait, every house here has to go? Ugh.
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Yes. House Hawks, please go ahead.
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All right
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Um, dear lottery gods, our house is on the rise
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If Zion joins us—
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maybe 42-year-old Vince Carter
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won’t have to play 17 minutes a battle
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OK, who else? Minnesota?
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I mean, how many No. 1 picks
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do you guys need to make the tournament?
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Apparently more than three
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This is fun
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Hey, do us
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No
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Who else? House Wizards?
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I mean, who wouldn’t want to play with Dwight Howard?
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By the way,
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when does John Wall’s supermax start?
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Next year?
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Asking for a friend
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OK, who else we got? House Bulls?
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Oh yeah, I’m sure Zion wants
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to spend his first year having knights-only meetings
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-about how many push-ups are OK.
-OK. OK. All right. LeBron...
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please show a little respect.
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For many of these houses,
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this is the highlight of their season.
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Here, here!
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Oh yeah, and why is that?
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Maybe instead of looking to the gods,
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you all should be looking at yourselves.
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Rubbish houses with uninspiring Lord Commanders,
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foolish masters of trade,
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arrogant lords
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You’re banned!
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These are things a knight,
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no matter how great, can't overcome.
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I learned that the hard way
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Zion may be the Prince who was Promised,
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but he will not save you.
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Because if you don’t give a GOAT the support he needs,
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then he’s gonna walk out the door.
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and all you’re gonna be left with...
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...is poop on the floor.
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All right
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Well, on that note...
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why don't we go ahead and see who got the first pick?
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And the winner of the Zion lottery is...
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House Pelicans!
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[Murmurs of disappointment. Gayle Benson cheers ecstatically.]
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So, the key to getting notifications
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about new episodes of Game of Zones
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is by clicking the subscribe button.
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OK, so I move my cursor to the subcribe button
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Yes
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But, 'tis merely a pumpfake!
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No
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I open a new tab,
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-I search 'Beanie Melo',
-No
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-I search 'Beanie Melo',
-No
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and I read the comments on my workout videos.
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No, that's exactly what you shouldn't do
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