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Dave Chappelle Explains Why "Planet Of The Apes" Is Racist | Late Night with Conan O鈥橞rien - YouTube
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How are ya?
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I'm great, man.
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Things are,
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you were great,
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you're doing, it's just amazing,
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first of all.
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And I'm blown away
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by what's happened to me this
summer's just been incredible.
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Yeah, and I don't want to embarrass you,
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but that's part of my job.
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You made this deal,
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everybody's been talking about,
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and no one deserves this more than you.
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Sometimes people in show
business make these deals,
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and you think, that scum.
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But uh.
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(audience laughing)
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Erik Estrada, what!?
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(audience laughing)
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I'm after Estrada,
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he's getting away with murder.
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But no, but you made this deal
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Comedy central,
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huge deal, $50 million deal.
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Everybody's talking about it.
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What are you gonna do with that money?
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How has this changed your life?
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Nothing's changed, man.
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(audience laughing)
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I spent a 100 grand on leather pants.
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(laughing)
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But you were probably doing that before.
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I mean, yeah, it's all the same.
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I've been giraffe shopping
with the Jacksons.
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(laughing)
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But other than that, it's
just the usual stuff.
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It's just that my old
friends aren't into giraffes
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like I am now.
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Right?
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They can't keep up with me.
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They can't keep up with you.
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It's just a difference.
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What about offers to do movies?
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I know you've done movie work before,
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but now you're this hot.
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The phone's gotta be ringing off the hook.
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It's funny, because before
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I wasn't getting any
movie offers and now they,
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I get a lot of offers for like bad movies.
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Like those, those are the
planet of the apes type roles.
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(audience laughing)
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You saw that movie Planet of the Apes,
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with Mark Wahlberg.
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The remake, yeah.
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Well, yeah, they're
both racist to me, man.
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(audience laughing)
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The first one was like,
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just get your damn dirty ape hands off me.
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I'm like, aw, come on, what
are you really talking about?
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(laughing)
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And then I seen the new one,
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I'm thinking this is a
more progressive time,
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this will not be as racist.
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And then they had, the
apes was sitting at dinner,
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I'm not even making this up,
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they was eating watermelon.
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I was like, aw, come on now.
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(audience laughing)
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So the apes is eating watermelon?
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And then like, later on in the movie,
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they running from the apes
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and like, "Run the water,
'cause the apes can't swim."
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(laughing)
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Which is like awkward,
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because see these apes can talk and,
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but they can't swim.
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(audience laughing)
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And then uh, at the end, it's like,
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when I seen the ape smoking a Newport,
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I just got up and walked out.
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(audience laughing)
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It was outrageous.
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Yeah you're right.
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That's not good.
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That's another thing that's changed
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since I made all this money.
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I stopped smoking uh, menthol.
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There you go.
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I didn't stop smoking,
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but I don't smoke anything that
they market to black people.
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Really?
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That's where the poison is,
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as far as I'm concerned.
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I can't make it that easy, baby.
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I keep 'em confused.
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I'll smoke stuff like Virginia Slims.
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I look at the box, like,
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nobody's gonna hurt this white woman.
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Gimme two packs of these.
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Virginia Slims.
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(applause)
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That's not right.
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Smoking is bad, everybody.
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Kids, if you're watching, don't smoke.
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But it's pretty funny to talk about.
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Yeah.
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Now uh,
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I don't wanna pry, but uh,
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I'm gonna take a shot at this,
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who you gonna vote for in the election?
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You know what's funny,
I was really into Kerry,
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then when I got all this money
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now Bush's looking a little better
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now that I got this money, man.
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(applause)
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I'm torn.
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It changes.
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I mean, I'm black, yet I'm rich now,
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so I just I got all the
feelings I have inside of now.
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Oh!!
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What are you gonna do?
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Which one of these white
people gone take care of?
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(audience laughing)
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You're gonna be in that voting booth.
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Forget Virginia Slims.
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Thinking about it.
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In my leather pants and ascot.
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(audience laughing)
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Giraffe's gonna lean in, "Hurry up!"
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(laughing)
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"Let's go."
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Now, are you gonna be a
charitable person now?
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And maybe you were before,
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but you think you're gonna try
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and help the people around you?
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Well, since I've joined
the Republican party, no.
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I'm not.
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They'll take care of themselves.
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Nah, man, I'm, I,
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yeah, I'm pretty charitable.
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There was, matter of fact,
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there was a guy they
used to live in front,
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and he wasn't even,
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I shouldn't say lives, he was
homeless, obviously homeless,
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He's staying in front of my apartment.
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And one night I was coming
home from shooting late,
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and I saw him,
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was cold out, he's shivering.
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So, I just gave him $20.
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Which is something I didn't think about.
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Just get something to eat, man, whatever.
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And he was so grateful.
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I'll never forget.
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He was just like, thank you, brother,
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this means a lot.
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I'll never forget you.
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And people say that all the time.
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This guy never forgot.
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As a matter of fact,
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he came to my house every day after that,
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knocking on the door.
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He's like "Come on, man,
I just need some money,
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I could get something to eat."
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And then he's shivering,
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and I'm like come on
dog, it's July, for real?
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What you, what you want?
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He's like, I'm hungry.
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He's like, I'm hungry
please, I'm hungry, please.
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So he's hungry.
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I'm not gone turn away a hungry person.
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And I'm like, well, what,
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what are you trying to eat?
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He was like, what?
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Uh, a burger, I need a burger.
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But I'm like, I need more information.
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Do you want cheese on it?
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Do you want fries?
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Different burgers, cost
different amounts, right?
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I need to know how much money to give you.
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He's like I want some crack, okay!?
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(audience laughing)
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I want some crack!!
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Maybe some fries too, but, mostly crack.
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You were wasting the guy's time.
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He had business to do.
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I felt bad, but then I'd see him,
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and I try to like encourage him.
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Like, when I'm coming out,
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like you can beat that crack
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And I guess that's like
an annoying thing to say
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to a crack addict,
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'cause he was just like,
"Hahaha, all right!"
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(audience laughing)
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"Easier said than done,
thank you very much,
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for that encouraging word."
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Until you mentioned it,
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it never occurred to me.
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Now, I can't believe this,
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but you were invited to go
to the Republican Convention.
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That's true?
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Well not no, kinda, what happened was,
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I was doing that Anderson Cooper show.
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Right.
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So, Anderson was tied
up with the convention.
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He was like,
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"Can we come interview you on the floor,
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at the Republican Convention?"
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Which is too much attention for me.
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I mean, any black dude
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that walks in there, is gonna
have a million cameras on.
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If Big Foot walked in at the same time,
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they'd be like, "Big Foot's over,
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Dave Chappelle!!!"
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(Conan laughing)
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Big foot is taking a seat
with the Colorado Delegation.
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Dave Chappelle, is a black
person at the convention!
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(audience laughing)
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Now how are your, and again,
this is about your life,
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but I know you got, you got two boys?
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Yeah, man.
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These guys.
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Yeah, yeah, you act like
I just reminded you.
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(laughing)
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Yeah, no, man!
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Those guys, man.
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I hope y'all are watching,
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y'all should be asleep.
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But uh.
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How are they?
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How are they doing?
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They're great.
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My oldest son just finished
his first year of school.
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If you wanna call it school.
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I mean, he's like four.
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So, I don't even know
what they're learning.
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I went to one (chuckles),
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you know those parent teacher conferences.
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Which I was nervous.
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Cause if they say anything
less than he's incredible,
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then I'll be, I'll get mad.
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So uh, but she was like,
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giving me his report card like,
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running is great.
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His jumping is incredible.
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She goes through all the litany she goes,
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"But um, he needs to learn
how to use his words more."
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So I'm like, what does that mean,
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use his words?
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She said, "Well, like at nap time,
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if someone's sleeping on his
mat, he should come tell me,
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and not kick that person."
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(laughing)
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But it was like what you
think I'm raising, a snitch?
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Kick 'em, Son.
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(laughing)
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I'm trying to get 'em to keep it real.
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Keep it real!
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Yeah man, I don't want
no son to come telling
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everybody does something.
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Just kick 'em.
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Kick 'em.
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(audience laughing)
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Kick 'em hard!
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He'll move, he'll move.
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(laughing)
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All right, well, Dave Chappelle,
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For What It's Worth premieres
Saturday night at nine
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on a Showtime, and you know what?
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No one deserves all the success.
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Man, I appreciate it.
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More than this guy right here.
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Dave Chappelle!
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(applause)
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Keep going!
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Rose Byrne, coming up, we'll take a break.
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