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Bad Boy's Daddy Issues ("Bad Boy" Short Film #14) - YouTube
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[5]
- Hey, Daddy!
- Ho!
[7]
God! Jim!
[8]
How are you always in here?
[9]
I never even gave you
a key.
[11]
[laughs]
Like I'd need one.
[13]
Why are you dressed like that?
[14]
I was at the gym.
[15]
But I'm right here.
[16]
Huh?
[17]
How could you come from Jim?
Jim is right here.
[20]
Why are you here?
[21]
Oh! Remember when you said I
should have a little memorial
[23]
for my dad since he got
chipped on the farm
[25]
and I really should try
to remember him
[26]
even though I have
basically no memory of him?
[29]
No.
[29]
Well, I thought that was a
really great idea,
[31]
so I'm gonna have it here,
okay?
[32]
Now? I gotta take a shower.
[34]
Ooh. Could you wait on that?
My best brah is visiting
[36]
and he'll definitely
wanna watch.
[39]
Where do you want me
to set this?
[40]
Oh, hey, sexy!
[42]
Seeing if you still fit in your
high school shorts?
[47]
They're just workout shorts.
I don't...
[48]
Yeah?
[50]
Oops!
[51]
Would you mind picking that
up for me?
[54]
Sure.
[60]
Who is this?
[62]
Is this Nick Jonas?
[63]
It's my dad.
[65]
Huh.
[66]
[WHITNEY] It doesn't
really look like him.
[67]
It'd be a lot more accurate
if he was, like, invisible
[70]
like he's been the last
twenty years!
[72]
Aunt Whitney!
[73]
I'm sorry.
I need some water.
[75]
I think it's great you
wanna honor your dad,
[77]
but I was looking forward
to just being alone
[79]
and doing some reading.
[80]
Fun! I'll go first.
[83]
Girl, they say every
time a bell rings,
[86]
an angel gets its wings.
[87]
Good thing it ain't every
time you have sex,
[89]
otherwise those angels
gonna be walkin'!
[91]
[tongue pop]
[laughing]
[92]
- I meant reading a bo--
- [WHITNEY] My turn, my turn!
[96]
Girrrrl!
[97]
All these young men
hangin' around you,
[99]
I don't know whether
they're your boyfriends
[101]
or your grandsons,
'cause you old!
[103]
Oh!
[laughing]
[104]
All right, all right!
[105]
The library is closed! Okay?
[107]
[sighs]
[108]
Look, if you really
wanna do this,
[109]
why don't you use
my main house?
[111]
What is this?
[112]
It's my guest house.
[113]
My main house was having
work done and
[115]
I just kinda prefer
being in here.
[117]
There's another house?
[118]
And it's empty?
[120]
And I've been sleeping on a
dog bed in a closet
[121]
for three months?
- I--
[128]
'Sup?
[131]
Hi.
[132]
And you are?
[133]
This is my best brah, James.
[136]
James, this is my daddy.
[138]
Scott.
[138]
Daddy Scott.
[139]
[grunts]
[140]
Whoa.
Blast from the past.
[142]
We've never met.
[142]
No, I was calling you old.
[144]
[WHITNEY O.S.] Hot damn!
[145]
James and I were
brahstitutes together.
[147]
I know. It sounds like we
were prostitutes.
[149]
But?
[149]
Butt stuff is fifty bucks.
Front stuff's a hundred.
[153]
Just grabbing a few things.
[154]
He's been there for me
through everything.
[156]
When my mom left,
when my dad left,
[158]
when I found out that
removable showerheads
[159]
could be used for far more
than just washing your hair.
[162]
Speaking of which,
[163]
you look like you could
use a shower.
[164]
Maybe I can watch?
[165]
I'll think about it.
[170]
Get that for me?
[172]
[sighs]
[176]
Mmm.
[177]
Come sit!
And bring a plate.
[181]
[sighs] Chinese food always
makes me think of my dad.
[183]
You'd eat Chinese food
together.
[185]
Nah. He tried to rob a Chinese
restaurant when I was a kid,
[187]
but they had a security system
that, like, doused him
[190]
in herbs and spices.
[191]
He smelled like Beijing beef
for months.
[193]
[sniffs]
[194]
Ahhh.
[196]
Miss you, Dad.
[197]
Can we just get this
over with?
[198]
Hey! His dad died, okay?
[201]
If you don't watch it,
that could be you.
[203]
Is that a threat?
[203]
No, I'm just saying
life is precious
[206]
and you gotta
take care of yourself.
[208]
Especially at your age.
[210]
To remember my dad,
Paul Jomas,
[213]
let's go back.
[215]
Back to the beginning.
[217]
Back to when the earth,
the sun, the stars all aligned.
[220]
Oh, Jesus.
[222]
No, it's Hilary Duff.
[223]
They just make her look
like the saint she is.
[225]
Just tell us about your dad.
[227]
Can you help me with this?
[230]
[sighs]
[231]
I didn't really know him
that well
[232]
because he left
when I was so young...
[234]
Way up there.
[235]
I mean, I remember he tried
to get me to do stuff,
[237]
like cut the brakes of the
cars of his enemies and
[240]
lace scratch and sniff stickers
with paint thinner,
[242]
which was fun and all,
[243]
but I was interested
in more normal things,
[245]
like exotic dancing
and nude modeling
[248]
and just being hot.
[248]
Those are my hobbies, too.
[250]
Oh! One more thing.
That one over there.
[251]
I think that's why he liked
my brother so much.
[254]
McCormack looked like him,
[256]
liked the same girls as him--
[257]
Thanks!
[258]
--framed innocent people for
crimes he committed like him.
[260]
Were you talking about your
brother, Mack?
[262]
Who?
[263]
Mick-or-Mack?
[264]
Oh. Yeah.
[265]
But he was gay.
[266]
Nah, dude.
[267]
Yeah, dude.
[268]
My dad would have so
not been okay with that.
[270]
He thought guys should only
hook up with each other
[272]
in junior high.
[273]
Once you turned nineteen
and started high school,
[275]
had to be girls only.
[277]
You know, that was a rad
tribute, J. Jo.
[279]
What do you say we all
wrestle in some pudding
[281]
and do a group rinse off?
[284]
Don't you have any
positive memories?
[286]
Something that doesn't
involve, I don't know...
[287]
felonies or
child abandonment?
[289]
Or Orange Chicken?
[291]
I got something.
[297]
God.
[297]
No, it's Hilary Duff.
[299]
I remember one time
Jim's dad took me and him
[301]
to the neighbor's pool to
go swimming
[303]
'cause they were out of town
for a couple days.
[306]
Well, actually, Paul had stashed
a bunch of stolen VCRs
[308]
in their garage and then called
the cops so they'd get arrested
[311]
and we could hang out and swim,
[312]
which I thought was
pretty rad of him.
[313]
Classic Dad.
[314]
Anyway, J. Jo and I were
doing backflips off the roof
[317]
into the pool when
[319]
I accidentally slid down
the wrong way,
[321]
you know, and I landed next
to the bathroom window.
[324]
I peaked in,
'cause that's what I do,
[326]
and I saw Mr. J standing there
taking a shower.
[329]
I saw the full "Paul Jomas",
if you know what I'm sayin'.
[333]
And that's when I knew
[335]
that I was gonna be
gay for pay.
[337]
I thought you were gay.
[338]
For fifty bucks, I can be.
[341]
That's your positive memory
of Jim's dad?
[343]
Dumbledore is how I knew
I was pan.
[346]
I'm glad my dad could
be that for you.
[348]
Oh, Jesus.
[349]
Again, it's Hilary Duff.
[351]
She doesn't even
have a beard.
[352]
Hey! Why are you
taking my towels?
[354]
There's no towels
in my bathroom.
[356]
You mean my bathroom?
[356]
That's what I said.
[361]
Get that for me?
[362]
I'll need it for my shower.
[363]
Uch.
[365]
All right. That's enough
crazy for today.
[367]
But you didn't say anything.
[368]
About the dad that I never knew?
[370]
Hitting too close to home?
[372]
I knew my dad!
[373]
I mean, he didn't know
me that well,
[374]
but he was a big
"Murder, She Wrote" fan
[376]
so he said he'd rather just
keep me a mystery.
[378]
[JIM] It doesn't have to be
anything big.
[379]
Just something to honor the guy
that allowed me to live
[381]
my life in this
amazingly hot body.
[386]
Fine.
[390]
Get outta here.
[391]
Paul Jomas.
I never met the guy,
[394]
but I've had the pleasure
of meeting lots
[395]
of his family members.
[396]
And the FBI thinks
you killed him.
[399]
Thanks for the
reminder, buddy.
[400]
But from what I've heard,
[401]
he wasn't necessarily the best
at supporting his sons.
[404]
But, uh, you know,
it's not your fault that
[405]
you have issues
because of your dad.
[407]
What kind of issues would
I have because of my dad?
[409]
I feel like I'm a kid,
[410]
I like older men,
[412]
and I have a daddy.
Like,
[414]
I'm all set.
[414]
That's kinda what I mean.
[415]
Dude. He thinks you
have daddy issues.
[418]
Ohhhhh.
[421]
[laughing]
[425]
Why is that funny?
[427]
Dude! Look in the mirror!
[429]
Oh, god, if there is a
penis on my face...
[431]
It'd be the first time
in a while?
[433]
Yeah.
[433]
No! I'm saying you've got the
daddy issues, Daddy.
[437]
Scott.
[437]
Daddy Scott.
[439]
[grunts]
[439]
Look. How many times have
I called you "Daddy Scott"?
[442]
Literally countless.
[443]
I might as well have it
legally changed.
[444]
And every time, you're all
like, "Mm! Ee! [sniffs]! Dar!"
[449]
That's 'cause it's annoying.
[450]
'Cause you don't wanna face
the fact that you're a daddy!
[452]
Sco--
[454]
[grunts]
[455]
But do I really come off
as a daddy?
[457]
No.
[458]
Thank you!
[458]
The way you're dressed,
you look like more of a
[460]
daddy/granddaddy cusp with
a "great uncle" rising.
[463]
I don't even know you!
[464]
For forty bucks,
that can change.
[466]
I thought it was fifty.
[467]
Senior discount.
[468]
Being a daddy is nothing
to be ashamed of!
[470]
You should embrace it
[471]
the way that James embraces
being pervy all the time.
[473]
But I'm not your daddy.
[476]
Although, I do
give you money a lot.
[477]
That is, my credit card
goes missing
[479]
and then you show up
wearing new hot pants.
[481]
And I do that for you!
[482]
Because you like seeing
young guys in hot pants
[485]
because you're a daddy.
[487]
But "Daddy" implies
someone older.
[489]
Like, how old was
your actual dad?
[491]
Thirty something.
[493]
He was younger than me?
[495]
And he's dead!
[497]
Hey, it's okay!
[499]
No one's ever prepared
to be a daddy.
[502]
Just one day it happens.
[503]
But you've got your whole
life ahead of you.
[505]
Or at least I do.
[506]
You're, like, halfway done.
[507]
Maybe two-thirds.
[508]
Group hug!
[514]
[door closes]
[514]
Pause on the group love, boys.
[516]
Housewarming at my place.
[518]
New squat! Who dis?
[520]
BYOB. And, uh...
[522]
you may wanna shower.
[523]
That's my house!
[524]
You heard her, Daddy.
[526]
Shower time.
[530]
[shower starts]
[534]
Yeah.
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