Social Expectations - YouTube

When going through times of transition, like getting your first full-time job after college, getting married, having children, or in your case, transitioning to a new university,

it’s important to think about your own expectations as well as expectations other people may have of you in your new role. This is where decorum comes in.

By definition, decorum is the appropriateness of behavior or conduct. According to Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing, decorum is "The art of fitting in."

It’s important to note, that decorum is NOT ...

How to decide what's right or wrong, or fair or unfair; instead decorum is how to decide what is proper or improper according to a specific audience's expectations.

In other words, in order to be decorous, you need to meet your audience's expectations.

Generally, meeting audience expectations is a good idea; however there are times when you may need to take a calculated risk and purposely not meet expectations.

For example, Martin Luther King Jr. understood that he could be thrown in jail and subjected to violence for meeting the Civil Rights movement.

But, he ultimately decided the movement was worth the ramifications. Being improper, in Martin Luther King Jr.’s case, was a chance he was willing to take.

The key to taking a calculated risk, however, is to understand the possible ramifications, then make an educated decision about when to not meet expectations.

You may find yourself in situations as a student where you need to take a calculated risk and not meet expectations.

This video will look at one of three types of expectations, and the risks students should think about when deciding whether to adhere to that expectation or to be purposefully improper.

First, let’s discuss social expectations, or behaving the way your audience expects you to behave.

How might social expectations look outside of college? Watch the following clip from Tommy Boy, and think about the following question: Does Chris Farley's character meet his client’s behavioral expectations?

Obviously Chris Farley doesn’t behave properly which ultimately cost him the sale. He behaves improperly by touching the antique cars on his client’s desk when the client attempts to stop him he proceeds and eventually sets the car on fire. While this is an extreme example of behaving improperly it shows that not meeting behavioral expectations can be costly.

Let’s look at another example, except this time, we’ll look at social expectations in college by answering the following question: is it proper behavior to use technology in class? It all depends on your audience.

Generally, texting or making a phone call during the middle of class is deemed improper student behavior. Most professors expect students to be tuned into what's going on in class and turn their cellphones off.

But what about other technology use in class, like using a laptop or tablet to take notes? Again, it depends on your audience. Some instructors allow and even encourage the use of laptops or tablets during class, but others find such technology distracting and prohibit students from using any technology at all.

You should check each of your class syllabi for in-class technology use policies. More than likely, each of your professors will differ in their policies. If you can’t find a specific policy about the type of technology you want to use, just ask your professor privately before or after class.

But let's say your professor doesn't allow cellphone use during class. Does this mean you should never use your phone in class?

Not necessarily, but it does mean you should think about whether or not using your phone is worth the risk. If your professor throws students out of class for using their phones, you should be fully prepared for that ramification.

Is texting your friend about where you are meeting to eat worth being kicked out of class? Probably not. But, if a family member is having surgery, it may be worth the risk (and may also be worth privately letting your professor know before class begins).

Jay Heinrichs summarizes social expectations best when he says, “to show proper decorum, act the way your audience expects you to act.”

Now that you’ve finished learning about social expectations, go back to the Your Academic Future module and click the linguistic expectations link.