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Was Harvard Worth It? The Hidden Cost of Attending an Ivy League College - YouTube
Channel: Ahsante the Artist
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- So I graduated from Harvard
in 2015, almost six years ago
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there was pomp, there was circumstance,
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and honestly, I was just glad
to be getting out of there.
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And I thought to myself as I was leaving,
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I worked my butt off for this degree,
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I did my time, this
had better be worth it.
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I've done several Harvard
related videos on this channel.
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I even documented my
experience while I was there.
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And I've given
(beep sound)
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plenty of advice for
people who want to apply,
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but should you apply?
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Is it worth the strife?
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Now that I'm a few years out,
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I feel like I can evaluate
what was the true cost
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of going to Harvard?
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What did I sacrifice, and was it worth it?
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(upbeat music)
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Hey, it's your girl Ahsante,
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helping you move consciously
and creatively through life,
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so let's go.
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Before we get into my thoughts on Harvard,
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a quick disclaimer.
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Since I'm evaluating my Harvard
experience in this video,
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I'm going to be critical.
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I went there on my own volition,
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it was my choice, and I know
there's a ton of privilege
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and even being able to do that.
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And I know that graduating
from Harvard is beneficial
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to a person's career.
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So I wanna be clear that I am
grateful for the opportunity,
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I'm going to be critical of the
institution and the culture.
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Harvard is a huge institution.
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I went to Harvard college, specifically.
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Having talked to other
friends in different schools,
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I feel like these issues are
relevant across the Ivy League
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and across elite colleges in general.
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Note that this is my personal opinion
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based on my own experience
and interpretation.
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Some people absolutely
loved their time at Harvard.
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My thoughts are more nuanced.
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And to do justice to that nuance,
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this video is on the longer side
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but I have to illustrate what
it's like to be in that place
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for you to understand where
my thoughts are coming from.
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When asking was Harvard worth it,
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the first cost you probably
think of is financial.
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And I do wanna acknowledge
that degree is expensive.
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Harvard only does
need-based financial aid,
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they don't give merit scholarships.
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They do an assessment of your
family's financial situation
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and then decide how much
your family is going to pay.
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I don't think they did a great
assessment for my family,
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and so it was definitely a
financial burden for me to go.
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If your family doesn't
make a lot of money,
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then Harvard will cover the cost entirely.
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If your family does make a lot of money,
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then it doesn't matter for
you to pay full tuition.
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If you're in the middle
and I grew up middle-class,
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it's expensive.
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So the financial cost can
be a deterrent, absolutely.
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The more serious costs though
for me was psychological.
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The culture at Harvard is tough
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and it's an extremely
competitive environment,
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like it was a shock to
me how competitive it was
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and how high a level
you had to compete at.
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And judging from my comments sections,
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some other people also have no idea.
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Every now and then I'll get
angry comments that are like,
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"I got perfect SAT scores,
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and I got top grades and
I didn't get into Harvard.
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This is racist."
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And I'm like, "Oh, you have no idea
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how competitive Harvard is.
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And I guess you also don't realize
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that black people are capable
of getting perfect scores."
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Harvard's like, "Oh,
you have perfect scores.
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Great, so do a lot of people.
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What else you got?
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Oh, straight A's, hmm,
guess that made you special
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in your hometown.
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That's the bare minimum here, hun."
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Like that's very much
the energy on campus.
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It's very much, "Oh, you get high marks,
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so does everyone else get in line."
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I remember visiting campus
for Accepted Students Weekend,
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and I was eating in the majestic
Hogwarts-like dining hall,
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just soaking it all in and thinking about
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how fortunate I was to be
here, at this fabled school,
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with all this elite status.
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And I asked the girl
sitting across from me
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as a conversation starter,
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"Did you ever think that
you would get into Harvard?"
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And she said, "Well, the valedictorian
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from my school usually gets in, so."
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Like I was shook.
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First of all, I went to public school
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and no one in the living
memory of the school
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had gone to any Ivy League,
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like in no way, was this normal for me.
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And second, that was my
indication that everyone here is
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at the top of their
class, including myself.
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I was salutatorian, number two.
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Everyone here is the best.
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That is the new normal,
that is the new standard.
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You are not special.
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And I was completely unprepared
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for the intensity of the competition.
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You are constantly judged by
and compared to your peers,
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both formally and informally.
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You have to compete to
get into certain classes.
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Like you have to submit an application.
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I wound up majoring in film,
which is in the art department,
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and most studio art classes
were limited to 15 people.
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You apply, you interview,
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and then there's a list
posted of who got into what.
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And preference for the art classes
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is given to those who
are within the major,
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but in order to get into the major
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you have to have take in an art class.
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Like it's stressful.
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And in general, a lot of
classes are graded on a curve.
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So not everyone can get top marks
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and you're competing directly
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against your peers to get the A.
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A lot of classes over assigned readings,
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so there was no way for you
to get all the work done,
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so that was stressful.
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And if you're thinking to yourself,
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"Well academics might be hard,
but at least student clubs
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and activities would be a
place to relax," think again.
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Many of the extracurricular clubs there
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were also competitive to get into.
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Hi, could I write for the magazine?
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Well, maybe, if you can pass our tests.
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What are the tests?
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Jump through four flaming hoops,
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leap over a pit of our bubbling destain,
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produce three brilliant
works of literary genius.
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Then show up to a mystery
location at exactly 12:07 am.
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Get down on your knees and grovel.
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That sounds like a lot to potentially
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not even make it in at the end.
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Sorry, not everyone can hack it.
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What can I join the acapella group?
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That depends they're seven.
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Do you wanna join the ones that are noble
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or the ones that are common?
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Any of them?
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Hmm, no.
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Okay, can I join this non audition choir?
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Well, you can join, but
she'll never get a solo,
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we'll see if you make
it into the small group.
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Maybe if you ask us nicely,
we'll let you sing at a concert.
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Like that's the energy
across the entire campus.
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And whatever thing you wanted to try,
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someone here has been doing it
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since they were nine years old
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and they're better than you, so.
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At the beginning of the
year or of the semester,
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clubs would have what was
called a comp process.
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It's several weeks long,
there's an interest meeting.
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You might be invited
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to an initial social event
or a group gathering.
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You do some sort of
exercise or assignment,
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and then you're invited
back for subsequent rounds
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of testing, interviewing,
or additional assignments.
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And eventually they whittle down
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and decide who they
invite to join the club.
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The competition is endless
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as is the sense that one
group is better than another
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because it's even more
competitive to get into.
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This applies to things you might expect
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like theater, acapella,
performance groups.
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It also applies to student
newspapers and magazines.
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It also applies to most social groups.
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It also applies to service organizations.
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The one that sticks out in my
memory is that I could not get
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into a club that teaches
dance to kids after school.
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Like I wasn't good enough to get
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into the teaching dance to kids club.
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And if you follow me on
Instagram, y'all know I can dance.
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So that wasn't the issue.
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It's exclusion for the
sake of exclusivity.
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And it can lead to a lot of rejection
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especially your freshman year
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when you don't know anyone in these clubs,
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because knowing people
in the clubs is really
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what allows you to get in
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because everyone is super talented.
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And this was a big blow for
me coming from a high school
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which did not work that way at all.
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They just let you into clubs
that you were interested in,
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and if it was a performance group
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then talent was usually enough.
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Like I said, in my video
on how I got into Harvard,
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I did a ton of extracurriculars
in clubs in high school,
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not for my resume, but because
I have a lot of interests.
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I'm a multimedia artist,
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I'm interested in politics and debate.
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I'm interested in math and science.
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When I had an interest
or a passion or a talent
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for something, I was used
to being welcomed in.
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At Harvard, the culture
emphasizes shutting people out.
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This is also the case for finals clubs
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which have nothing to do with studying.
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That's the name for a set
of on-campus organizations
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that are like fraternities and sororities,
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except they're not national,
they're exclusive to Harvard
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and they're not authorized
by the university,
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they're maintained by alumni.
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And that includes some clubs
having property on campus
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that's maintained by alumni
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which basically acts like a frat house.
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They're also a primary
way for younger students
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to access alcohol and as
such they are a social center
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for parties on campus
and are a dominant part
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of many students' social lives.
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You have to be invited by a current member
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to apply to join a finals
club which is called punching.
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Punching a finals club is a lot
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like pledging a fraternity or sorority,
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but again, it's an
invite-only comp process
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of people getting
whittled down every round
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after various happy hours, gatherings,
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schmoozing at socials,
different activities,
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and the members voting on
who makes the next round
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and ultimately who gets in.
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And of course there's a hierarchy
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of which clubs are the most elite.
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These clubs are exclusionary by design.
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And if you guessed that these clubs
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must be incredibly white,
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then you would have guessed correctly.
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Just adds another layer
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of the campus feeling historically hostile
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towards people of color.
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That entire campus is
hyper-competitive hierarchy
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and ingroups, and outgroups.
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Even within the Black community
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on campus and within spaces
that profess to be open,
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it was very cliquey and
didn't always feel welcoming
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to all Black students.
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It's very hard to escape
that mindset of comparison
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when that's the dominant culture,
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it's not about the quality
of the work that you do,
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that's a given,
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it's not about how committed
you are to the group,
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it's a constant popularity contest.
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And I felt like a misfit,
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like I was a nerd among nerds.
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Facing constant rejection in
spite of working really hard
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and doing your best is
rough on the psyche.
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It can really mess with
your sense of self-worth.
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You can feel like you're doing terribly
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within this environment
of super achievers,
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whereas in the grand scheme of things,
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if you step outside of the Harvard bubble,
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you're doing fine.
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If there's anything that I
could say to my previous self
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it would be, "Ahsante, you're doing fine.
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The opinions of these
people will not matter
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at the end of four years,
you're doing fine."
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And even if you are doing well,
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you can feel like you
aren't doing well enough.
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You never stop comparing
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and you can easily feel like
you're not measuring up.
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Like you have less value
than your peers do.
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Like you're not getting enough accolades.
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Like you're not getting
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into the really esteemed organizations.
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And at this point, your
entire life is school.
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And those esteemed organizations
feel like they matter.
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They have a lot of power
and influence on campus.
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Everything in the vicinity
is oriented towards Harvard.
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So that becomes your whole life,
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and if your whole life, your
entire environment is saying,
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"You're not good enough.
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You can't sit with us."
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Even though you've
worked hard to get here,
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and now hard work isn't enough,
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and there's always more work to do.
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There's an overwhelming
amount of reading to do.
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The piece sets are unreasonably long,
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and it seems like everyone
around you is doing better
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than you are and you don't measure up.
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You're not as valuable.
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You feel inferior, you feel worthless,
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ostracized, isolated, alone, terrible,
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and you start to wonder, what's the point.
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The mental health services on campus
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we're not known to be very helpful.
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Peer counseling was the most visible way
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to get mental health support on campus.
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Students trying to help
other students like,
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"Don't freak out, don't do it.
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Just talk to someone, we're here."
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And I think if I didn't have a loving,
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caring home environment with parents
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that I knew would support me
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even if I decided I needed to drop out
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which I strongly considered
in my junior year.
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If I hadn't had that escape hatch,
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and I thought that this
was my make or break thing,
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and I had to make it work at Harvard,
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then I would have been
in a much worse place.
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So that was the biggest cost for me,
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it was the psychological distress,
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it was the constant rejection
that I was unprepared for,
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a lot of feelings of worthlessness
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and a lot of things that
felt acutely painful
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even years afterwards.
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And I spent the next five years
clawing my way out of that.
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I spent five years healing and
detaching my sense of value
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as a person from my achievements,
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or my level of productivity or
my relative status to others.
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I had to unlearn the patterns
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of hierarchy and competition
and chasing recognition
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from others that are deeply
embedded in schooling
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and in society, but can make
you absolutely miserable
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even if you are outwardly successful.
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And that's why I'm so
adamant about self-care
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and self-love and mental
health on my channel.
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I don't wanna make it seem
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like I had no friends in college
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or that my experience was
all bad, it wasn't all bad.
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There were certain
classes, certain people,
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certain professors that
I really vibed with.
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The best semester I had was
when I got the heck off campus,
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and I studied abroad in
Buenos Aires, Argentina,
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that was through a Harvard program.
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I wouldn't be doing video production today
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if it weren't for the encouragement
of my film professors.
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And even though I didn't really fit
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into any established social group,
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I really leaned on the
friends that I lived with.
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We were all going through
that mess together.
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And when you've been through
the fire with someone,
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it bonds you, like y'all
been through it together.
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So I have a couple of
girlfriends from college
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who I intend to be friends with for life.
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There's a big difference
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between resonating with a few
individuals within the space
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and resonating with the space
and the culture as a whole.
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At the same time going
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through a competitive
cutthroat environment
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where who you knew and
who liked you mattered
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just as much as what you did,
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prepared me well for the
capitalist workforce.
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Like if I can make it through that level
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of anxiety and stress
and constant competition,
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then I can make it anywhere.
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I have a lot of mental fortitude
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from going through the fire,
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like what doesn't kill
you, makes you stronger.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like we're tough now, okay?
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(chuckling) All right? I'm
not physically fighting anyone
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and being in such a toxic environment
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where I never felt like I really belonged,
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makes me really appreciate
when I do find communities
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where I feel a sense of belonging
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and being fully appreciated and valued.
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So the experience at Harvard has given me
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a lot of valuable perspective,
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and I might do a whole other video
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about what I learned from that experience.
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Like, yeah, they're the classes,
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but that place really teaches you
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a whole different set of skills.
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The best part for me has
been being of Harvard,
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not at Harvard.
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Like I said their study
abroad program is great,
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the things they run tend
to be very high quality.
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They have a lot of resources,
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there are great alumni connections.
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The association with Harvard
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and the connection to
other brilliant people
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who have also been
through Harvard is great,
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once you get away from Harvard.
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Once I got out of that culture,
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the individuals from Harvard
who I've connected with
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have been really nice and supportive,
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and willing to help particularly
other alumni of color.
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I got my first job out of college
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through an alumni connection.
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And I have to say that my career
has gone very well so far,
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like I can't even downplay that.
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I think that's largely
due to my high performance
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and people skills.
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I've been very good at my jobs
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and I've been able to navigate
those workplace structures,
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but first you have to get in the door.
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And I think my ability
to get in the door places
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has been helped by me having
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that Harvard credential backing me up.
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The Harvard name might be the reason
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why you clicked on this video.
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It's attractive to people.
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I think the degree engenders,
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a certain amount of automatic respect
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and assumed competence.
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There are studies that show that a resume
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with a name that sounds
more stereotypically Black,
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gets less calls back than that same resume
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with a name that someone
could assume was white.
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There is an implicit
bias against Black people
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and against Black women
and our level of competency
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and authority is often
inappropriately questioned.
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But I think when a potential
employer sees the degree
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and what I would think if I
were hiring a Harvard grad,
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is that this person is sharp,
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they're a fast learner,
they're hardworking,
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and I should be able to trust
them to get the job done.
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So I think that credential
has been valuable in ways
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that I'll never fully know
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because it's about effecting
someone else's perception
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of who I am, and there's
really no alternative to that.
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There's no other place that will get you
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the universal respect,
the worldwide respect
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that Harvard will.
[918]
When people send me comments saying
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that they're in high school
and they've been dreaming
[921]
about attending Harvard
since they were 13,
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part of me thinks, "Oh,
I hope you haven't been
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having nightmares that bad."
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But I know they're not dreaming
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about their mental health
careening off a cliff,
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they're dreaming about the
prestige and the privilege
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and the power that go
along with that place.
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And those things are very real
and they're very valuable.
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So because of that and having
been able to get some distance
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and some hindsight, I would say that,
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yes, for me in the end,
Harvard was worth the cost.
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My 2015 self can rest assured that she
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has not struggled these
past four years for nothing.
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The sun is rising.
[952]
I took a few years to recover mentally,
[953]
I hung on to the
friendships that mattered.
[955]
I took the opportunities that came my way
[957]
and now I'm in a pretty great place.
[959]
I got plants and everything.
[961]
If you're new here, I make videos
[962]
on personal development
and social awareness.
[965]
So if you're into that,
then consider subscribing.
[967]
And if you already know and love my work
[968]
and want to help me to continue,
[970]
then you can support my videos on Patreon.
[972]
In the comments let me
know if you've worked
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on unlearning seeing your
peers as competitors.
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I know that's an ongoing thing for me.
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And if you currently go to Harvard,
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then let me know if it's any better.
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I mean, maybe as always
remember to live spiritedly
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and think creatively, and
I will see you next time.
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