D&D Story: Doomed the Universe with Karaoke (My Bad) [Fool's Gold] - YouTube

I didn't think my first video would be Dungeons & Dragons but, uh...

*deep inhale* Well!

Here we go!

Whoa, whoa wait!

Don-don't just leave just yet.

You do not have to know Dungeons & Dragons in order to appreciate the stupidity.

Now, I've been playing Dungeons & Dragons for about...

uh...

...six to seven years, and I've never

royally messed up like this before.

Viewer: Oh Dingo; don't beat yourself up!

Everybody messes up in D&D, isn't that kinda like the point of the game?

Everybody TPK's their team eventually, I mean... stray fireball gets out of your hand

One of your teammates has something explosive on their back and BOOM!

New campaign.

Dingo: No, but you don't understand...

I TPK-ed...

The universe.

Just a little bit of background:

This was a 3.5 campaign done by my boyfriend Felix and there are about five players.

At the time there was only three of us- 'cause the other two were sick.

My character was a level six wild mage, named Sips.

The thing about a wild mage is that they can cast magic,

but they have a percentile where their magic can go UH-WILD!

Where it can really mess up everything.

You wanna cast create water?

Well, how about snakes!

Or you wanna cast light?

Well, how about a dire bear?

My characters wild magic percentile was determined by how much his curse was grown on him.

He had a crocodile hand and the more that it grew on to him, and his skin became more into a crocodile,

the higher percentage his wild magic was.

At the time he was about at ~30% for his magic to just go... buck wild.

The session started normally like all sessions,

where we were trying to get to another town,

and this town particularly was in the swamps, and it was called Alchemist Quarry.

We're traveling through swamps and constantly have to make

reflex saves because there's friggin

earthquakes every gosh darn minute!

We didn't really think much of it, but turns out, it's...

kind of our death.

~Foreshadowing~

We arrived at the town and...

This town was really...

-it was magical as f-*QUACK*.

Everything was magical;

all the buildings,

all the people,

just magic-magic-magic-magic.

Since there were only about three of us instead of the normal five,

we kind of all looked at each other and went

Mmm...

E: Wanna go get drunk?

"Heck yeah!"

We went for a drink and...

Well, my character doesn't really drink (he's never gotten drunk before), so...

Initially when he went to the bar

he kind of hung out and did nothing, until one of the players in my group went up to me and said:

E: Hey, yoou wanNA sing karaOKE wiTh mE?

And Sips was like,

S: Ehhhhhh,

Imma have to get really drunk for that.

So, he rolled and he got a natural one.

So he kind of just looked at the drink and was instantly...

smashed.

Now, I don't know what you think, but I think

having a drunk wild mage is not really a great combination.

But Sips managed to go up there and actually CRUSH it.

He was a great singer-

he rolled high- and at the end he wanted to show off his little bit of magic and cast

Dancing Lights as something like, "tah-dah!~"

Well, uh...

When he did that Felix rolled for the percentile and got...

Like a twenty... twenty nine.

Like, just, just under the percentile.

So as soon as he cast lights

-Dancing Lights-

It was wild magic.

We all kinda looked at each other and went

"Euhh... What- what is- what's gonna happen?

And, so Felix was like,

Felix: Okay, okay

I got this, I got this.

D: He looks at the chart next to him,

and he rolls, to see what he has to choose from the chart.

So he rolls, and then you kind of see this expression on his face where he goes F: euhh...

D: And then everybody kind of, like, looks at each other and goes

"Uh... What's up Felix?"

With this blank stare into nothingness he goes

F: When you cast dancing lights, you feel the energy leave your hand,

and then you feel nothing after,

as you have now created a seven HUNDRED foot radius

of permanent dead magic. D: -as in, no magic can exist in this space. EVER.

We're in a city...

That is all magic.

Everything's magic.

The drinks are magic, foods magic, your underwear is magic.

Everything is magic.

And I just created a 700-foot radius, so 1,400 feet across,

of permanent. Dead. Magic.

Sips kind of like stands there and

First of all he's drunk, so he doesn't really realize what just happened,

but the player next to me definitely knows what just happened.

Everybody in the bar just starts to freak out.

The guards go into a panic.

They see what I just did,

and they just charge at me, in which the player next to me grabs me and says

E: Oh, we gotta go!

D: We run down the alley being chased by these pretty pissed-off guards

-and pretty pissed-off civilians-

and my character's like, S: What's everybody so mad about?

We see a building that we can climb up and hide from everyone.

We get up and we somehow managed to avoid the guards. And the angry mob of magic users

-well PRIOR magic users.-

And there comes over this false sense of security that everything's fine.

And we're on top of this...

This building and 's like E & S: Oh, thank god. We lost them.

Probably not a great idea to create a

700-foot radius of

permanent dead magic...

BUT- you see that wasn't.... that wasn't the problem.

Because the problem was really when... when I heard Felix go

F: How big was that permanent dead magic zone?

D: -and I kind of like turn to him and say

"Uh, like 700 feet radius, so 1400 feet across...?"

and, he just has this horrified look on his face.

You can just, see the numbers...

Floating in front of his head, as he's trying to calculate something.

He turns and goes through his notes frantically, looking for something, and then you just hear a

F: Oh...Oh no. Oh, oh. Oh no....

In which the entire group goes group:

"What? What is it?"

And then we feel a rumble underneath us.

The same rumbles we've been feeling all throughout the campaign.

These little earthquakes that I was complaining about?

Yeah...

So we turn and we see this creature,

bursting out of the ground and rising up,

and you know what it is? For any of you kids at home that may know

it's a mother f-*QUACK*

TARRASQUE!!!

And for any of you kids who don't know what a Tarrasque is at home,

This thing is 50 feet tall, 70 feet long, and weighs 130 TONS.

This is the scariest creature in D&D.

It eats worlds for FUN.

So....

Let me just, uh... Read an excerpt from the D&D Wikipedia page on the Tarrasque.

"Although no one present has likely ever seen it before, it's hulking monstrosity is"

"instantly recognized to anyone who has ever heard the stories of the legendary wrath."

"There is only one beast that casts its shadow over entire cities."

"Only one creature capable of striking such fear into all who gaze upon it."

"After all, there is only one Tarrasque."

All it does is kill, eat, sleep, and repeat.

This thing has 700 health,

attacks with plus 46,

and moves at 80 feet per turn.

This thing is insane!

And did I forget to mention that I'm a level six?

All my party members are a level six...

How are we supposed to go against a level 20?

It's a GOD!

Yeah, 'cause it turns out this village out in the middle of nowhere

has a frickin' Tarrasque underneath it, that was held by immovable rods of magic!

So, when I cast that dead magic zone of 700 feet, it kind of dispelled the rods and, uh....

Released the Tarrasque, but it wasn't really my fault!

Cuz who freakin' keeps a Tarrasque underneath their city?

That's like keeping the Antichrist in your closet

So...

I drunkenly sang karaoke so bad that I released the apocalypse.

...

Yeah